I'm here to lend an ear, or eyes lol. If you haven't brought up the trauma surrounding your mom's overdoses and suicide attempts, please do. It actually sounds like you might have PTSD or complex PTSD given how often you found your mother during those attempts. I'm very glad you are seeing someone and working on these traumas, especially now that things are hitting you at once (which is common when you are in a safe space and mindset to properly deal with past trauma that was "pushed off" or suppressed). If your psychiatrist isn't experienced in trauma, I would consider finding one that is, especially in EMDR if you're interested. You're doing great; good luck!

Hi, AM. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

Your post sounded quite to the point (I LOVE simple wordings) but the brutality didn't even tip the community meter. We deal with some hard, hard shit here and ? ? ? How do we heal the wounds of brutality without getting brutal? When we have to go to the especially brutal places in wound washing detail, it is allowed. We put a "TW" (Trigger Warning) in our header to warn vulnerable members and let 'er rip. There is more room outside than inside, so don't hold back. Letting it out is part of the healing process.

PTSD theories are far from consistent, but I subscribe to the theory that it is not the event which causes PTSD. Post Traumatic Stress is a normal response to trauma. It is the way the PTS is processed which puts the "D" on the PTS and turns it into PTSD. It is most certainly possible that dysfunctional processing can be learned from our parents. In my just-a-patient opine, anyway.

Whatever the evers of the theoretical whats. . . Welcome to the forum.

Welcome, and welcome to my world. My aging mother was dx'd with a brain tumor after two years of my caretaking in my home that she nearly burned down.... and this whole last year? Take Care of Mom. Still doing it, but it hit me, and I am now feeling the way roadkill looks on a hot SOuthern US highway in summer. Something's buzzing, but it isn't me....
Sorry so graphic, but... Yeah. My life si that way. Push-cope and then... It catches up. All at once. Ended up in the ER when that happened in 2013.

I'll add to Arfie's theory that we're also overwhelmed, and so coping won't work no matter what. People with great coping skills end up wtih PTSD simply b/c too much happens. The biological component of our brains "short-circuiting" sucks, but it's there. We're *meant* to feel lousy after bad things. But we're meant to be like our animals, and go find a quiet place to heal. We typically don't. Part of that is bad coping skills taught us by the society standard for "normal". But if the hits keep coming? Crap on a kebab, ther's no time for that rest, and our biology jsut goes "zzzt".

Healing hopes to you, and to us all.

Have you guys found a way to cope? Like my sleep is brutal, and pretty much non existent, regardless of what meds they put me on. And I'll be honest, my mom overdosed once and then got into a vehicle with my boyfriend and I and got into a car accident, and now, thinking forward to when I have kids, how do I ever trust her enough to drive them anywhere and not put them in the same position that she put me in?

Allie said what came to my mind, too. That one event might be the straw that broke the camel's back as far as the dx goes, but that the cause may be an accumulation of events. That's true of me and some others here, and that's why Allie mentioned complex or CPTSD. Here's a link to it at therapist Pete Walker's site:

http://www.pete-walker.com/fAQsComplexPTSD.html

I cope by therapy, meds, coming here, and doing the hard yucky painful mucky icky crappy work of *feeling* all that stuff I didn't have time for .... Now? It's make time, or fall flat. Sooo.... I cope as best I can, with chocolate, support, and a million awesome tips I learned here on DS PTSD.

hi, i'm Lilly. me too, i have that complex ptsd too. i come here every day and it helps me a lot. it has fo ryears now. and having a dr.;. i've had some counseling. i go to that Pete Walker website a lot. so much great stuff there that helps. it takes time, grief work - i went thru some grief work. come here, i recommend it.

I believe to live in this world one has to have trauma at some point in life . resolving it is hard . So easy to medicate it away with addictions or other numbing behavior. My healing has been long and hard . what worked is being an artist. meditation. teaching and then the hard work of therapy. 12 step programs help. So does coming to a forum to share with others like this one. building your toolbox is very important . Each person will have ways to cope . I know what we don't feel and heal manifests in many things and afflictions and addictions are but one way. Some deal with massive depression . flashbacks . some become rageaholics or victim mentality for a lifetime . My hope for you is to become empowered and never give up. you will find a true healing path if you keep asking for help. healing wishes for you

Hi and Welcome AM..... This would be so hard to go through with your mom... It's great that you're getting help for it now.....xo