Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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Still haven't found the focus to pack. No big. Room is paid for through Saturday and the speed with which I can pack a base camp while in focus is legendary. Especially the two bitch campsites. My dog and I clean and organize as we go. Makes packing a breeze.
My craving for the company of my beloved feels far greater than my spirit of adventure this morning. My craving is to take the most direct route to his side. One motel is pretty much the same as the next. I can set up camp in a motel near his side while the Gang Blamers finish evering their whatevers out of our living space. Then, at least, my beloved and I can meet for morning libations and evening wine in public establishments.
Cravings are kinda tricky in my personal yaddahs. They sure are hard to interpret while I am in a confused frame of mind. I all to often think I am craving A while I am actually craving Z. My litmus test is the sharing which is already underway in the morning text exchange with my beloved and with this post. My proof is whether or not I can regain focus after the sharing.
Off to the next step, chewing as I go.
My craving for the company of my beloved feels far greater than my spirit of adventure this morning. My craving is to take the most direct route to his side. One motel is pretty much the same as the next. I can set up camp in a motel near his side while the Gang Blamers finish evering their whatevers out of our living space. Then, at least, my beloved and I can meet for morning libations and evening wine in public establishments.
Cravings are kinda tricky in my personal yaddahs. They sure are hard to interpret while I am in a confused frame of mind. I all to often think I am craving A while I am actually craving Z. My litmus test is the sharing which is already underway in the morning text exchange with my beloved and with this post. My proof is whether or not I can regain focus after the sharing.
Off to the next step, chewing as I go.
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
Updated inventory:
1) My support dog won't get out of my mobile isolation chamber (car), not even for her morning walk. She waits in the hot parking lot as I type.
2) The closing texts in this morning's text exchange with hubby were, "Love you, love you, love you." and "Need you, need you, need you." Wolf Mate is one of natures more concentrated simplicities. Most direct route indicated.
3) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBN86y30Ufc
Music for your drive.. drive safe.
Thanks for the support, guys. Still having anxiety attacks about crossing paths with the Gang Blamers again, but definitely looking forward to catching some touch from the hubs.
Can't seem to call it, "Home" any more. In the 3 or 4 years since we moved into half acre we hoped to turn into our "Urban Agriculture" dream, this family drama cycle has monopolized more of our resources than our Urban Agriculture fantasies. Yes, this is the same Urban Agriculture dream which precipitated the trip to Chicago which I invited the DIL to take with me. That one disappeared behind the closed door. Still don't know if she liked it or if it is part of what she was yelling at me for during the MIL/DIL blowout. Damned hearing problems. . . All I know for sure is that she and my son sure looked mean and hateful during the Gang Bang and their tones matched the look. The son has communicated some since, but it is in defense of his wife and she is still refusing to speak for herself. That will be fine after they have their own place, but being forced to do my work around countless hours of cancerous, non-contributing silence until my son comes home to get the list of the day's offenses seriously blows. He looks increasingly stressed by it, too.
The extreme geophysical instability (etc) of my first 23 years makes it hard for me to bond with places, but I did genuinely love Austin for my first quarter century or so there, but. . . The Austin I loved is long buried under franchise strip malls, gigantic storage monoliths, traffic gridlock, free laws and blinding lights. Add in the drama from the helpless middle aged victims and. . . I really feel like I am just going back to get the house ready to put on the market. Nice part of the boom is that houses sell incredibly quick. There is nothing unusual about a house selling before it is even listed. Especially with a half-acre lot in a cove that is safe for children to ride bikes in. Not much house but GREAT yard. Perfect for tree hugging idealists. According to the dreams I shared with my beloved when we bought the place, we were supposed to have our rainwater collection system and be selling power back to the grid with our wind and solar power designs by now, but. . . I just love the family drama cycles. What a use of resource!!!
Sigh. The hard part will be getting the house on the market to begin with. It took us a very long time and work to find this spread. Hubby still has that 5th generation Texan pride thing going on, despite the fact that he can't seem to find his Texas, or even the Texas family, anymore, either. Just progressive 21st century dramas from the "Little Mall on the Prairie" show.
Have I hit the depression phase? For sure I am going through another round of envy of people who cry easily. The tears have been welling but keep retreating. Sorting. . .
I have sat here a goodly while, debating whether to hit "Add" or "Cancel." Going with what my Black Panther bud in New Orleans told me during the Katrina cleanup: There is more room outside than in. Let 'er rip.