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So... This just happened
Think about this 1st:
My sister called today. She never calls, at least not with good news. She told me that my family had pitched in to fly me home for Christmas. I'm assuming you're thinking "YAY! I'm so happy for her! How awesome, now she won't be alone for Christmas!" which I am in some ways. But unfortunately I know my family all too well and there is some hidden motive behind them getting me home for Christmas.
Think about this next
2 Things pop in my head as motive 1. Someone is sick and dying so this will be the last chance I'll have to see them. Which is a very good reason they want me home. 2. The FBI is finally up their noses and in their business about the horrific SRA I grew up in and they need me there to "prove" that I won't "lie" to the FBI officers. So in normal language that means they want me home so they can control what I'm going to say to the FBI regarding the SRA (Spiritual Ritual Abuse) by holding the families generations upon generations of honor over my head as leverage in addition to holding the expenses of the trip and housing over my head to play the guilty card when it comes to speaking with the FBI.
Not even to mention the, or a, traumatic event they might stage to trap me up into being the passive submissive, scared to death of them, daughter.
Yes I'm probably thinking way too much into this. Yes my family really is fucked up. No I have no idea IF any of this might happen. But I need to be prepared for the worst, mainly so I can survive.
Yes I'll enjoy my Christmas only because I'll get to see all 10 of my nieces and nephews and I'll get to "feel" the little baby growing into being my 5th niece, and because I'll get to celebrate Jesus' birth at the midnight Christmas Eve's candlelight church service, which has been a family tradition for years.
Thoughts????
Ideas????
Am I over thinking????
How should I prepare myself????
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I'm alive, I'm sleeping like a rock, and for some reason I wanted cherry juice so that seems to be helping. (??? Weirdo that I am.)***Infamous therapies over history:1. The Attic. The madwoman in the attic is a motif in literature going waaaaaay back: the nutty female relative is locked in the attic. (See: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte for a grotesquely racist version of it, and Charlotte Perkins...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
Hugs of support J.
Continued support, whichever way you take ^it^, PPW.
So.... from my experience, Purple? Wariness is probably warranted. As Arfie said, listen to your gut, and we're supporting you either way:-)
Jewlles it's been two years since I've been back home and they still don't trust that i will use the money to spend it on whatever I want. So my mom's flight points she's acquired was used to buy my ticket. My sister is mailing a gas gift card to my friend who will be taking me and picking me back up from the airport so I don't spend it. I can't stay at my dad's house alone, I can't stay with my twin sister in my dad's house for too long either (mainly cause all we do is fight)
They've planned this whole thing all the way down to what night or nights I'll be sleeping in someone's house. In other words this is their way of making themselves feel better about themselves and and controlling everything I do. It makes perfect since not to go. But I really want to rub my boundaries and how far I've come in my healing journey to show them I don't need them.
...Are those kids safe?
...Support and strength whatever you decide to do.
And I remember that your mother outed your wearabouts to the man who tried to kill you. So I don't even know if you'd be physically safe over there.
Please don't go.
I've survived horrific abuse, every type imaginable since I was 18 years old. My dad was physically abusive to the point where I had a total of four broken ribs at one point both ankles and both arms with several concussions before age 14. The spiritual ritual abuse I went through hasn't even been fully discovered on how much it has damaged not only my body but my own sense of spirituality.
My father continues to control all of us emotionally and psychologically including his wife and his his ex-wife all his children and step kids because that's just the man he is. doesn't know anything different. Private message me if you want more information I just feel like this is a lot sharing on an open chat. I moved away two years ago to seek treatment for my mental health issues that were created because of the horrific abuse. I have multiple personalities. since I've been away I have made huge strides in healing and getting to know myself even though things have been really hard at times it's been really really good to finally have my life.
Thank you guys
....thinking outloud, how good might it feel to say, no thank you.
i don't think you're going to want to miss the get together on here either, huggin you, big hugs
It sounds like your mind is made up and this is what you feel like you have to do. I know you are incredibly strong and were strong enough to get out of there in the first place. Still, I don't see why you can't set something up so that if you don't come back people will go looking for you. It can't hurt, right?
I hope you get everything you want from the trip and come back safely.
I have a lot to think about in the next week to come.
I will stay in touch with y'all while I'm there. xxx