Donna, great idea to set up a team of my peeps down here to start searching for me if I don't come home.
Cheesepuff I think the best course of action is to get should of the agents working on the case first thing Monday morning and let them know what I think may happen.
Thx guys, keep coming up with good ideas.

*a hold* not should.

When you left the first time...did they help you? Or try to stop you? Why did you move hours away?


Help is pretty clear. Help would have been them buying you a suitcase. Paying for your ticket. Driving you to the airport. Giving you a packet with addresses, envelops, stamps, etc. Staying with your until your flight left. Seeing that you had a drink for the plane and so on.

If they didn't help you...why not?

i had wanted to ask you to give the fbi a call to check in, let them know you will b going in. so they'll b sure to help if you don't come out. hugs, safest hugs

oh! you already planned it, relief. good.

PP, I follow donnawanda's line of reasoning here, from a gut feeling saying not to go to accepting that it sounds like you've made your mind up but raising points of caution for you to consider. I have had a relationship with my family similar to what you say of yours. My dad was caught in a high level white collar case of fraud at work like you say your family is under FBI investigation. My family was where my abuse happened. There were issues with a sister, with nieces and nephews. Religion was a big player in the mix.

I was physically attacked as a young adult by my abusive dad one year I went home for Christmas. I escaped the house before he put me in the hospital, and a nearby aunt gave me transportation to the airport. I stayed away for 8 years.

After 8 years passed I was married and divorced, and feeling lonely the first year afterward I went home for Christmas again. Big mistake. Nothing had changed. This time I didn't get a chance to duck and my dad punched me in the face.

The punch didn't hurt as much as blaming myself afterward hurt. Attack me once at Christmas shame on you, attack me at Christmas twice shame on me. It took me years to trust myself again, to trust myself that I had the good sense to make good decisions based on real life experience instead of manipulated emotions. I didn't trust myself on job decisions after that, on choosing what car to buy, where to live. I just thought of myself as a fool after that. It not only broke my self esteem, it broke my self confidence.

It's taken me 6 years now to prove to myself again that I have common sense. That's my story of how my decision making about going home for Christmas affected the rest of my life for years afterward. I wish I hadn't made that mistake, but I guess I had to learn that way.

You have my support in whatever you do. If your trip home for Christmas works out wonderfully for you, I will be tremendously happy for you because it should, it's what you deserve. If on the other hand it doesn't, I have been in those shoes twice myself, so I'll be here for whatever you need.

Hi PPW, I'm the same on whatever decision you make I will support you. But, I don't like the stuff I heard it made me worry about you cause you deserve so much better, and I would hate to have you go through that whirlwind of emotions and stress. Not to make you stressed but I just wanted to tell you you still have the option to say No. "No, sorry I have a previous engagement, maybe we can try it again next year if I'm not tied up." Lol, I have no idea why I'm giving you lines to say, but you know what I mean.

Either way I'll be saying little prayers for you & I'll be here to talk if you need. Personally I'm gonna have to say no to going to my Dads this Christmas, I'm making a conscious decision to not go and put myself through the stress. I have my own health/emotional issues that I'm going to make priority this year. Which is going to be hard as I feel I have a manipulative parent as well. I know he's gonna try to make me feel bad about it which is ridiculous seeing that you would think he would want me to just take care of my health concerns but it just sometimes feels like it's about everyone else & making them ''look good' ............idk actually I can't really talk about it, it's really stressing me out.

The nieces & nephews thing I do understand, just please be safe and remember that you are very important and do what's gonna be best for PPW.

Sending a safe gentle hug

Sorry if my answer was all over the place .......... just know I'm praying for you and rooting :)

ppw It sounds as if you want to jump into a fire to see if you are fire proof?

If you feel wary and you do have many reasons to, including current coercion of compliance. Please consider your healthy choices.

All that control (strings of how you will need to do this) of the ways how and who, ( not trusting you, by withholding value of a gift because you might just do something you like with it) adds up to a tightly braided rope. Much harder to break when you have had enough.

The strength to say thank you but no thank you to the conditions is also a sign of healthy self care.
Those that abuse and bait, will use guilt and any other means to get back their goat. I have been around through many of your name changes here and the horrors you have shared, you are the only one important in my thoughts....let mom/fam send Sis and niece to see you, if the "Gift" is truly altruistic.. Otherwise considering current investigation ongoing, I think a box of brain-washing and a lashing with those ribbon of rope tying up this gift is in store.

If you do go? remember what the last trip made you feel like and leave the same day. Stress on your health right now might be a tipping point of you being.

Hugs and my heart, J.

Hi guys
So I've done a lot more thinking and talked to my twin sister about this sudden generosity and huge gift.
Becky, my twin, is who wants me home. She's been in therapy, secretively, for almost a year now regarding the abuse we suffered growing up and our genetic predispositions to chemical imbalances.
She wants me there for her.
She has seen me change and grow, she wants that too.
Her denial and bag of lies is breaking down and she has begun working thru some of the trauma.
I'll be staying with her for 6 out of the 11 days. And two of those 11 days will be traveling days. Out of the 3 days remaining I'll spend one night at my dad's (

First of all, I am so sorry for the things that you have experienced.I am glad that you are able to celebrate Jesus and His birthday with all that you have been through.
I am sure that you will enjoy seeing the children too!

I think that you have received some good advice above. It might be a good idea to contact a lawyer and a licensed counselor. If you decide to go, it might also be wise to ask a safe person to go along with you.

I know from personal experience that it can be difficult to create and maintain safe boundaries with family. Perhaps staying at a motel instead of your parents' place, etc might be a good idea.

Saying a quick prayer for you!

It's 1 in the morning and I need to be sleeping. I've been thinking about this over and over and over and over (did I say over yet?) The great ways it can go, the good ways it can go, the not so great but not bad ways, the bad ways and the horrible awful ways it can all go.
My mom's already purchased the airline tickets. I NEED to get to the bottom of why they want me home all of a sudden.
I'm not leaving this state until I know why I'm going home.
So what if I'm alone on Christmas. At least I won't have more trauma to process!
I go back and forth so many times.
I just don't know.
I'm going to pray and get some sleep.
I have a full day ahead and lots of detective work to do.