Hi Muji...you've gone an extra mile....based on your own health...please keep those healthy boundaries you speak of....best toyou. ml

U are so very kind muji. Hugs

Thanks, it's an overwhelming problem to me. A week ago there were 6 police cruisers at my door to arrest a 40 year old couple for theft for their drugs. Now this about a student in my class.

It makes me so sad. Yet I'm just a community college teacher with my hands full with my own PTSD. The community around my college has problems I wish I could solve. As I said, though, as it is right now they are just overwhelming to me.

muji,you are so generous of heart.But it is vital you keep the boundaries you have set so you can cope yourself.

Do you think attending an Al Anon meeting might help?

Just a thought....

Please Take Good Care Of You.

Big hugs, Muji, and you know we have your back. We're making a safe circle around you, at a asfe distance form you, keeping people at a safe distance from you, too.... OK?

My ex BIL got himself addicted to heroin in his 40's.

Best advice: 1) Lock up financial papers. (As I told my ex, Scott never robbed a bank. I don't think that he'd financially hurt us like that. But lets just take it off the table. Safer for both him and us.) Also lock up anything of great or irreplaceable value that you have. Put grandma's rings in a safety deposit box.

What you hope for...is that there will be a Day After. That day after will be better for everyone if he doesn't have to live with the guilt of selling your jewelry. So lock it away in someone else's house (kids learn your hiding places by age 8) or in the bank.

2) Don't give him large sums of money. If you want to help out...then help out. Do so concretely with FULL knowledge that he might sell what you give him for drugs BEFORE you give him anything...be okay with that. Or don't do it. (She can also consider putting money into a special account for him if she feels guilty about not helping in the moment. Then a year AFTER he's clean...gift him that money.)

3)Addiction is a bit like drowning. In their panic, they will pull down whatever is around them. Understand this...and keep a safe distance. It's not personal.

4) People will literally say anything. And if that doesn't work, they'll say something worse. Don't take it personal (even though, especially because, the things that they say will be EXTREMELY personal).

Because they'll say anything...get support for yourself. Alanon. Counseling. An art class. Go out with friends. Take up jogging. Bible study (although watch out for religious things...sometimes they can be very judgemental). Roller skating, read, book club...get out and among other people...don't isolate.

TWO different supports are needed: 1) One to TALK about it, and 2) One to NOT talk about it. ie a safe place to go, relax, to remind yourself that there is still a life out there outside of all of this mess.

Keeping yourself Safe...means that if your son makes it through all of this...that there will be a strong, secure, mentally and physically safe place to land at the end.

My last point, is that I would keep the conversation OFF: What makes him do it, and even What will get him off drugs.

Instead I would talk about concrete things that she can do in the here and now. Support groups, Looking up valuables. Emergency numbers. Even putting snack foods outside the house/apartment so that if he shows up looking pathetic she won't be tempted to open the door to let him in.

Last, she might be able to get Narcan (temporarily reverses an overdose...temporary is important to know...she still would need to call 911).

oh, (((muj)))
the depth of that sadness is palpable : (

just please know, here and got your back. surrounding you with support and prayer. of course you'll have a coffee with your former student, and of course you care - it's in your dna i think - deeper - your spirit.
breathing more deeply, making more to share with you? i don't know, but sending support in whatever ways are good.

Big hug for you muji.....You have such a kind heart..... Take good care of you.....You are all in my prayers.....xo

Have a back up plan, so you can say I will meet you for coffee but I have another commitment or appointment I have to go to afterwards. So if it ends up being too much for you, you will not put her out by leaving quickly.

Something like " I would be glad to meet for coffee at noon (whatever time you have picked) but I do have another commitment to go to after so I will need to head out at 1:00 or before?

If it goes well you can always set up another coffee time but this way you can leave without being too drained..thinking of you and your energy limits now.

If having known addicts qualifies you to be a rehab counselor, I guess I get to hang my shingle now. Time to print up my business cards. I THE Boss. Alas, the State of Texas disagrees. I think I'm glad.

*Just* leave the Super Cape on its hook and be yourself, muji. Better yet, just be Mujica's 3 legged dog. I think you already summed it up, beautifully.

I've had a long day. Getting that mom's email yesterday about her son's heroin was heavy. She was my former death & dying student, he my current one.

Since it was workplace contact, I let my boss know about it right away. She was great about how I care but need boundaries, too, since this is an over my head kind of problem outside my scope. She shared that in the Speech class she teaches she had a student make a memorial speech about her brother who died from a heroin overdose. So it's not just me and my classes that hear about this. Sadly, it's more widespread than that.

Fortunately, nothing new came of it today. so I took no news about it today to be good news. Kind of tuckered out, so I'll sign off for now.

You are definitely not alone, muji. I have at least one 75 year old addict in my birth family tree. I am not convinced death is the most tragic ending the story can have. Do what you can and let the rest go.

Continued support while you find and maintain your balance on a tough equation, muji.

Of course you want to help Muji that's in your make up!as a person. But you can only do so much. Be a friendly ear or shoulder by all means but please make it clear to this lady you're not a drugs counselor and that she and her son need more specialized help you're unable and unequipped to offer. Point her in the direction of Naranon for herself and NA for her son. And above all take good care of yourself mate. If it all starts to feel too much for you that's when you know to back off and put your own needs and self care first. Bless your heart for wanting to help though. That's typical of the kind of guy you are. Bloody lovely and thoroughly decent down to the bone. All things in balance my dear friend.

Love Manda XXX

Thanks for the support. I'm feeling less alone. I try not to project to the worst case scenario, which is that this current student goes to heroin's end and his mom, also my death and dying student in the past, asks me to officiate at his funeral.

I officiated at a funeral a year ago. I have to remember that I got through that one ok, and that this one may not happen at all, so to take one day at a time.

I do have wishful thinking, though, wishing that there were not so much despair these days in my town driving folks to heroin addiction. Maybe that's not a wish, though, maybe that's a prayer.