Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

10,127 Members
27,615 Posts
0 Online
Anxiety Disorders
/ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

im not an object!

Inna88
Inna88

im not a virgin anymore... by choice? no. I told him no and he did it anyway, as if i was an object he could do whatevery he wanted with. i think about it everyday and regret and hatred floods through me with every thought that creeps into my brain. why would he do it? he said he thought i was lying. he thought i wasnt a virgin but even if i wasn't, it is still my body and i told him no. he did not pin me down nore grab my kneck but he did take the one thing that was left sacred to me. he wasnt like the other. he grabbed my kneck. he keft bruises where people can see, but atleast he didnt do it. he only threatened. he didnt either believe i was a virgin. is it so hard to believe i value my first time having sex with someone? well not anymore... now i just remember that first time. i lost my virginity on a couch... one of the things i said i was never going to do. and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it... help, i feel like im drowning

abbers_1997
abbers_1997
Wow. I am so sorry. I know how you are feeling. I was raped three times and I felt like it was all my fault. And it really has affected me. If you feel comfortable enough, go to police. Press charges, get this guy put in jail. I wish I did that because I am scared to go anywhere, afraid that I will see these guys again. So go to the police if you are comfortable, I know it will make you feel better. I am here if you ever need to talk.
jennyoo7
jennyoo7
This is touchy for me to reply much but I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. You are normal, he wasn't. You did nothing to deserve this, no matter how much you try to turn it on yourself, as is the norm for victims of sexual assault. I'm almost 37 and I shoved my assault so far down and am now just realising how much of a disservice it was to my self. I wish I had dissected the assault with a professional and avoided all the self hatred and blame I placed on myself instead of where it belonged. I'm not saying we are the same and based on your post you have a very clear recollection of who was wrong. I just thought I did too but these violations violate so deep it's disturbing how much they can change a person. I hope you have or will find a therapist who can gently guide you through the process and you can come out as unscathed as possible. Hugs, you are very brave.
arfie
arfie
Hi Inna. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

I am a little confused about whether you are recovering from one or two assaults/perpetrators, but I am not the one who needs clarity here. Before clarity comes the calming. **Just Breathe.** Keep sorting. We are listening.

Steadying support while you sort. Welcome to the forum. You are not alone.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Hello. As someone else said, a touchy one for me to mention. Lost mine in a car seat b/c I accepted a ride home from school event with many others, and just happened to be the last one in the car and... Not how I wanted to lose my virginity, so I decided that I effectively had *not*. Physically, sure, but my me-ness was *NOT GIVEN*.... And my me-ness was more important. It may seem glib or something, but it took a lot of group support and time for me to decide that, and I still flip out regularly at certain triggers, et cetera. Just... as Arfie said, breathe, one breath at a time, you're not alone.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
Again, it may seem a bit cutesy, but... "rape" comes from a Latin word meaning "to seize/take" as in "steal". That fact helped me somehow. I can't even define how. It just did. So I pass it on, hoping it might help you.
BlueSky
BlueSky
ALoha. Welcome. My heart breaks for you. No means no and it should be respected.
Did this just happen or are you telling us of a trauma you are remembering? Sorry if I'm confused. I was just going to suggest making a police report and getting a rape kit if this is still fresh. I want to give you the biggest gentle hug in the world. Please update us and hope to see you around.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    Dummy Me

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: MelT2020
    3
    I did the dumbest thing today.  I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds.  I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym.  What a dummy!
  • Vince3789

    Trying Not to Forget Who I Am

    Posted by: Vince3789
    Last Reply: GirlinCalif
    5
    Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...