Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I had no idea what to call this, but the title sort of describes how I felt the last few days.
I went home from college for the weekend. All of my abuse happened in my home, and my abuser still lives in the area. I don't think about it consciously often, but if I do it's sort of terrifying.
It feels almost as though my "school self" and my "home self" are very different people. At school, I feel at ease and comfortable. I'm a student who can flourish and learn. I feel empowered and I mean things aren't always rosy and great but I feel like I'm strong and able to deal with things properly.
At home, I feel confused. I don't know my role. I have no idea where (or if) I fit. The confusion makes me explosive - I yell at people out of sadness and frustration. I feel nervous and judged. I have good moments, too, of course, but they seem distant from one another. I feel sort of useless and unnecessary there. I don't know how to act or who I am when I am at home, even if just for a weekend. I love my family and I feel guilty that when I'm home, I wait to leave.
It upsetting to a point where I don't know how to react to my coming home at first. It feels sort of like a dream, unreal, strange. Like a foreign country or something.
It's hard to explain. I don't know if this has anything to do with the trauma but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this? If so, how did you deal with it?
I went home from college for the weekend. All of my abuse happened in my home, and my abuser still lives in the area. I don't think about it consciously often, but if I do it's sort of terrifying.
It feels almost as though my "school self" and my "home self" are very different people. At school, I feel at ease and comfortable. I'm a student who can flourish and learn. I feel empowered and I mean things aren't always rosy and great but I feel like I'm strong and able to deal with things properly.
At home, I feel confused. I don't know my role. I have no idea where (or if) I fit. The confusion makes me explosive - I yell at people out of sadness and frustration. I feel nervous and judged. I have good moments, too, of course, but they seem distant from one another. I feel sort of useless and unnecessary there. I don't know how to act or who I am when I am at home, even if just for a weekend. I love my family and I feel guilty that when I'm home, I wait to leave.
It upsetting to a point where I don't know how to react to my coming home at first. It feels sort of like a dream, unreal, strange. Like a foreign country or something.
It's hard to explain. I don't know if this has anything to do with the trauma but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced something like this? If so, how did you deal with it?
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
over the years i was able to 1. realize how & why it all effected me and set boundaries and learn self-care 2. find strength to either remove myself or not go to places that are toxic/trigger/trauma educing.
I cope with it in small bites and long chews. I take it in as small a chunk as I can get away with and chew each chunk for as long as possible, exercising great care in spitting out rocks and bones as I go.
Easy does it, Lilove. I believe this one is normal for everybody...
Please, mention this to someone there who can help you find another place to be, where you can limit contact etc....
I used to just shut down and block it out as a child and even in college to some extent.
It's also part of maturing out of childhood into adulthood, to begin that separation process, I think. Of knowing that the childhood home isn't your "forever" like it seems when you're a kid, and then... you realize you're moving on and beyond, and no, sometimes there is no "comfortable fit". Espeically if home is associated with trauma or triggers thereof.
I'm way past that age, but I dealt with it by limiting visits, or making sure I had plans with other family (Mom's fam were great, so I'd spend time with them) or friends to get me out of the house, take walks.
Luck and blessings:-)