Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I've hit a wall,figuratively speaking. I have so much pent-up anger that so am just scared of what I can do to myself or others. I think about this complex ptsd and its just that: it's too damn fucking complex for me right now! I don't think I have ever cursed as much to myself as I have these last two years. Its like damn this shit, wth? I just keep having this image of an angry God and it makes me spin. In my own head, I know God is not angry at me, but somewhere deep down inside of me: I just feel that all the things we go through is unfair and he's partially to blame. We don't ask for these circumstances, we don't wish it on our own enemies.
Psalm 77 comes to mind. check it out if you want. I don't know the spirit of gentleness. I don't know what its like to be gentle on myself. I don't know what its like to not feel ashamed for doing what's right for me or speaking up for myself. My past shouldn't affect my being and my living, but it has... and that's the hard truth for me to accept...
Psalm 77 comes to mind. check it out if you want. I don't know the spirit of gentleness. I don't know what its like to be gentle on myself. I don't know what its like to not feel ashamed for doing what's right for me or speaking up for myself. My past shouldn't affect my being and my living, but it has... and that's the hard truth for me to accept...
I was raised as a Baptist till I was 15, church 3times a week NO MATTER WHAT. Raised by the Sword... This created an enormous spiritual issue for me. It's taken years of 'unlearning', and still am very conflicted spiritually.
I still consider myself a Christian, who believes in a higher being that I call God. I believe in heaven and hell, God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and in Satan, or the evil power constantly at war in our consciouses. I believe we're all praying to the same God. I believe it's all about faith, and I wonder if, if you truly believe you go 6feet under after you die and that's it, then maybe that's exactly what it'll be for you.
I have had a few miracles in my life, where God has directly touched mine and my family's life. I've felt His hand and seen His power.
My issue of late has been: the conflicting powers are equally strong for me, and I can't tell whose voice is whose. People have said I should read the Bible and it'll show me the way, but really!? Just pick through!? We all read things differently at different points in our lives, and the Bible is very much open to interpretation. I feel the Bible is divinely touched for sure, but through the years likely not as originally intended or appropriate to the world we now live in. I also can't conceptualize why God allows these horrific things to happen, and feel it's unfair to just get to trust that there's a reason for everything and that this is what he planned for our life. What I DO know, is that I am more fulfilled as a person if actively trying to keep a close relationship with God. It helps my lonliness, it gives me an ear who'll listen and hear my worries, and it's become a good avenue for me to express my concerns to my kids. I know its somewhat selfish, but when I pray with my daughters before bed I can say things that I'd likely not otherwise say to them, through prayer. It's strengthening our realtionships, lets me get my apologies as a mother out, lets me express my concerns for them, and lets me further praise who they are in a subtle way. Despite my frustrations and suspicions, I choose to believe that He has a plan whether I like it or not, and it's up to me whether or not to follow it. And the only way I know how to tell if I'm on it or not, is if my life is falling into place or not. If I keep (which I am) bumping into the brick wall, chances are I'm not on track (which I'm not). Psalms 32:8 has been my verse for past month, "I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go." I'm going to read Chapter 77 now...
So I'm always happy to see fellow PTSD survivors who are still willing to try to discern something useful and real about God. Thanks for putting yourselves out there, everybody. In spite of all, I'm a believer, having lost my faith and gaining it back again inch by inch. Being real and keeping it simple has always helped me around God matter. Blessings.