Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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mujicaptsd 09/18/2016

I think I have got to cut back on being too active for the sake of my self care. I'm glad I've powered through fatigue with only 40% kidney capacity and my own PTSD symptoms to do my full time job during the week. But I accepted to talk about PTSD at a church today, too, and I can't work 7 days a week like that. I worked on my talk all day yesterday Saturday and then gave the talk today Sunday, so it's been a 7 day work week now for real.

After the talk today people asked a lot of good questions about how DS PTSD here works, what our support group is all about, all of that stuff. For example, most thought that we'd be Iraq/Afghanistan war veterans with PTSD here, and were surprised that most of us are survivors of sexual assault. Going by what they said to me today, most aren't aware of the number of people in society today who survive sexual assault, so it's good to answer their questions and fill them in. It has to be done with a lot of gentle patience, though, and a smile when possible so as to represent us well against the stigma image of how cranky we PTSD folks are. And after a while being patient and kind does take a lot of energy.

So I've got to give myself some weekends off in the next weeks. Tomorrow I have to deal with two students I had to drop from an online course I teach since they didn't do any work in the course from Aug23rd until now. It was necessary, but they'll lose some financial aid so they're bound to come around complaining. I've got to be rested to be even handed with that tomorrow at my day job, so I've gotta stop this weekend extra stuff.

For all of the good I may be doing, I also I think I'm doing too much from my PTSD people pleasing in my past. Has anybody else ever done this before, too? How do you stop and say no and set good boundaries when you get going on a roll that's too much like this? I'm truly not playing the martyr by asking nor am I asking in a passive aggressive way of showing off how much "great" community service I'm doing or anything. I've gotta knock it off, so advice is welcome for real. Thanks.

Preciousbabygirl 09/18/2016

I do that in regards to sexual assault. I will counsel people and tell them my story so that they know that I understand and then I will sit with them for several hours and just talk to them about their issues and how I can help and it does take a lot out of you. I sat with a friend of mine for 3 hours one night and by the time we were done we were both drained emotionally and physically.

iwontbackdown1 09/18/2016

I'm so proud to know you. You're an amazing champion for PTSD. Yes, it has to be hard to stop the momentum when you're going strong. My opinion is that you should at the very least slow it down. Take some time to live with all that you accomplished. Your student doesn't deserve to be kept in, assistance or not, if he/she actually thinks that doing nothing is alright. You would be minimizing all the others' efforts.
You're an angel who not only is soaring with support and good old fashioned 'wing wax,' but on your own. Thanks.

Doo 09/18/2016

I think there are limits Muji and it sounds great you know to take a timeout for yourself. Self care :)

Time2livelife 09/19/2016

Pls do make sure u take time for u.its very important.big hugs muji.

arfie 09/19/2016

For this chronic over-achiever, knowing my limits is a critical part of both self-care and civic duty. When I power my way through more than I can handle, everybody suffers.

In this particular case, I opine that you do not need to STOP anything. You hit a limit, recognized it and you responded to the need while you were still coherent enough to ply your therapy tools. Way to do the do!!! Just my just-a-patient opine. . .

It's not about being perfect. It's about working it out. Continued support.

silverlight 09/19/2016

muji,i admire you for all that you do,all that you give of yourself to help others....but here in reaching out in your post,i also admire you for recognizing what a toll that can take on a person...and the balance we need to have in our lives in order to be healthy in body,mind,and spirit in order to be of help to others,to educate others on PTSD the way you do,to give so generously the way you do here...
i can relate to getting caught in people pleasing,and getting so involved with others' issues,and trying to help others while in hospital...i would find myself so emeshed in the problems of others that i was sacrificing my own recovery at times,and my last hospital stay i had to take a step back....that being said,i still take time when i feel passionately about something to maybe write a letter when i find something stigmatizing in the media,and i still try and reach back to people who are reaching out...(i realize your situation is a bit different than what i just described,but it is what it made me think of)

i think all you do is so much more than valuable,but so are you.and your taking time for the self care you need to be able to continue walking in your own healing while still helping others understand PTSD,as well as to cope day to day with the stress of your job is so crucial....
be as kind and as generous to yourself as you are to the world,muji....and stop and tell yourself,"It is ok,it is right,i need this right now."

don't know if that helped or not,just my early morning ramble.
take care of you,muji.

mujicaptsd 09/19/2016

Thanks, everybody, for validating the good work while also validating limits on it, too, the need for balance. I appreciate how you reinforced that I recognized my limit, arfie. I looked at a calendar to figure out how to take some weekend time off for rest and recreating. I'd like to work hard and play hard, and by that I mean plan something special as recreation on a weekend coming up as a reward for me. Something like going to a sports game or going to a concert, something special that tells myself I'm special, too.

I know that may sound goofy or selfish. It's that with my PTSD people pleasing past being groomed to ignore my own needs by my original abusers I've been able to lose myself in others in the course of trying to do good work. So that could lead to "too much of a good thing," taking goodness too far to the point that it turned back on itself to the harm of wearing myself out in doing it.

Thanks for reinforcing that it's important to stop and smell the roses in life. I'm going to figure out with my calendar and my budget how to do that at some concert or something now, how to take myself on a nice "date" in the next weekend or two, so to speak. Again, it may sound goofy, but I'm finding it's important as a practical matter of a step in my PTSD self esteem recovery for me to learn to treat myself as well as I would treat a loved one, you know?

Leo 09/19/2016

Yeah, the pop culture image is war-vets only. Who, btw, often have cumulative trauma, too, it's never as easy as 1980s TV. Take all the time you need for yourself.:-)

min63 09/19/2016

your a great guy ,but take care of yourself first so you can continue to help other I know that's your heart , I worry about your kidney problem's don't give so much of that there's nothing left for you ok hugs min

DanceStrong 09/19/2016

You have been doing great work, and you are a very generous and caring person. Having people in my life to remind me to take care of myself and slow down helps me. I also always try to leave one weekend day unplanned so I can rest or do what I want. It seems to me like your weekend outings are a valuable part of your life balance, so I wouldn't cut them out. You could plan activities for Saturday and leave Sunday unplanned or visa versa. That way when you get to your easy day, you can rest if you feel like you need it or you could go do something spontaneously if you wake up with a lot of energy. That day would be obligation-free, so you could use it however you like.

cheesepuff77 09/19/2016

Hugs Muji, I get it. I was thinking about this, because my job took every ounce of strength, thru cancer, thru brain injury, thru assaults, I kept pushing myself until I "broke". I sometimes think God knew the only way he was going to get me to stop, is take away my ability to use my "eyes"...and.that is what happened to me,and it forced me to stop and focus on me, my health needs! It is hard to say "No"...there are still people out there who don't take that boundary well, make remarks, no matter how many good things you do, how good of a person you are,..it took several trial runs of "No", because I grew up having to people-please too, so it feels foreign/bad....but like you realize, it can very quickly become self-neglect, I have been there, so I validate You taking good care of You!! Your kidneys need You! Much Support to You♡

LillyPotter 09/19/2016

hugs, Muji. yes

Zoe 09/19/2016

You've done extraordinary things in your life. You've been generous with your time, caring and compassion. But it's time to take better care of you. Sit down with a calendar and schedule whatever you feel is a good number of weekends off for yourself. Then when you get asked to speak you can say I'm not available until this date. If they really want you they'll wait. I wouldn't cut it entirely out of you life because I think it's therapeutic for you. Supportive hugs.

jewells1 09/19/2016

Muji my friend...me thinks you need to start controlling the PTSD talks in scheduling. Is it possible to get a few of the larger groups geographically to combine venues? If a larger group asks, then ask them if they can accommodate a few from another area that would also like to participate. Also charge a fee for less than 25 people? (as an example) that will be waived for a larger group, or seminar charge per person. I know you want to share, but Educated speakers generally recieve a stipend that covers prep and travel. Here the rate is about $85 an hour of presentation.
Something to think about. Larger groups, spread the cost, so 50 people might pay $2 a person, but you would cover as much but to a greater audience.
Hugs J.

jewells1 09/19/2016

This would also allow you to control time off. " I have an engagements planned for this date mm/dd/yyyy, there's still some seating open, if you would like to attend contact____ for rsv." Other wise my next open date is ( this controls your time off) How many would you be expecting? If you haven done this yet have pamphlets printed containing a basic outline of discussion and Q&A time, with an email address for contact and scheduling. Black out certain day ( mid semester, end semester for evaluations and grading) and week ends off, for your own recreation ( including laying on the couch in PJ's watching bugs bunny if you wish) Then only schedule in the open dates or refer to another seminar on the same close by.

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