I'm just sorry your life feels so painful now. Your anger and the ways you behave might seem bad to you, though they are so understandable to all of us, and they are not things you should be put to death for. You don't know yet what gifts you bring to this world. Please give yourself time to find out.

I'm brand new to this group. But I saw this and want to say I have said what you've said SO many times. I feel Like a burden a lot. My truth: I don't really want to die, I just want a better life. It sucks that it takes so much more for people with PTSD to aquire a better life. It happens but in little bits. It can happen. When I feel like trying. It's hard to want to try. I understand.

Oh Ash, I wish that I could be there and help you face tomorrow, or even the next hour. Patti

I'm so sorry you feel so ghastly that you think suicide is the only way out. I have felt that acutely over the last month or so. I'm taking it hour by hour atm. Can you try and deal with life and how you are feeling in small chunks? I perceive that more people would be devastated by your death than just your grandma.

I hope today is a better day and if not reach out to those who care very much. We stand together. When one of us is suffering and stumbling, we will try and hold you. Keep posting if you can so everyone can offer their support

Take care (((hugs))) x

Ash I'm so sorry to hear that you feel this way. You have people that care about you and so many of us don't. You're young and things could change for you. Don't give up hon. I'm so glad you are still here. Try to make the best of it. X

You don't get to decide what is right for my life, Admired Ashley. You DO make my life better. I HAVE missed you terribly as I have waited and wondered to hear from you. Those are simple facts that remain true, whether you understand them, or knot.

Thank you for the update, Admired Ashley. I feel much better knowing you are still here. I really HAVE missed you. My day is brighter with your digits in it.

I, personally, have been working to let it be okay when I don't know what to do. That happens to me ALLOT! Whenever I do not know what to do, I work to do nothing, at all. Doing nothing is REALLY hard for a hyper-active nut case like me. I think I still need more practice. . . So far, I more often find channels for my anger while I work on building the trust that the next thing to do will be obvious when it is time to do the do. It seems to be working. Is that patience I see growing in the Nether Regions of my psyche?

Continued support, Admired Ashley. Hope healing happens here. The healing of one is the healing of us all.

Ash,i'm so sorry....i hear a lot of self loathing in your words,and i wish i could turn that view of your self around,because i assure you,you are of great value to the people who care about you,and to the world. Sending you gentle hugs and healing.

Oh, Ash, I know that so well... Then it turned out I did make people's lives better, and I hated myself for hurting them, so I decided until I could live because I liked life, I'd live because I didn't want to be the person who caused the kind of pain I was already in. Makes no sense, but.... We never know our own value, it seems.... But you have value. Much hugs and soft healing.

You must be exhausted. Now is the time to rest and gain your strength back.

People do care about you and love you but your illness will not allow you to see that. I am so sorry you felt the only way out of pain was to kill yourself. It does not have to be like that but only you can decide to live again. Don't give up on yourself. You are worth it.

Everyone got upset because they do care about you. I know how you feel though; all I can think about is being dead. It's a struggle to stay alive. I asked my therapist how to get past this addiction to wanting to die. He didn't have an answer for me. So I started doing one nice thing for myself each day. It could be something as simple as taking a shower. I spent time thinking about what I could do the next day. If nothing else I wasn't thinking about killing myself. Sounds like you have some people you could call and talk to. And keep coming here for support. A lot of people here care. They are the only ones I have. Wishing you better days. (((Hugs)))

Thank you all for being so kind. Im withdrawing and struggling to talk again and reach out and just behave normally... I don't even know what's wrong. I need clearness and clean lines I had to throw everything out or hide it to get clean straight lines. Still throbbing and hurting from injuries. Trying to do work. Grandma got be work books. So I try and do them all everything. Just to achieve something. To try and make some meaning.

Sometimes trying is a meaningful achievement all in itself, Ashley. I am proud of you.

Lots and lots of extra self-care, Ashie. It's okay if nothing makes sense just now. Deeper meanings often take their own, mysterious time in revealing themselves. Just keep trying to achieve something.

I'm standing behind arfie nodding. Just as inhumanity can make me sad, such bravery also takes my breath away.

I know how you feel, too. I tried to kill myself when I was 19. I am 46 now and a mother of two college kids. Even though I've been on medication since I was 19, there have been times when I have felt the exact same way that you do. I pray and I just keep thinking of my kids and husband. It's a constant struggle, but I have learned to find ways to help me deal with all of it. I'll keep you in my prayers, too.

I'm here for you, too, Ash. You have never once disappointed me in all of your ups and downs, and you haven't now, either. Wow, you are so honest. I am so glad to know you. I know you can't see a future for yourself right now, I know the hurt is real, I do know. I've been there, too, in my own way. In spite of all of the pain, that true pain that you're feeling, it's just as true that you are so worth it.