Huge hug of comfort for you sweetie.... I think we have all felt this... It's part of the depression that goes along with PTSD
I think baby steps are a great way of moving forward....They're steps in the right direction... Be gentle with you... Another hug and a blessing...xo

Ash, I don't know your pain. I do know your worth, reaching out is now helping someone else. Your strength and honesty are gifts you possess...your pain I feel as love, my love for you, my prayers sent for your peace and healing. Finding our way and worth in life is hard....I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up....I'm 63 now....lol! I was filled with rage anger blame shame so many negative emotions in my 20's, felt I'd had no control or direction for my life and no self worth. My suicide was through becoming anorexic, it was the only thing I 'felt control over' my body. I don't think we know our worth, even if we are told, more times than not for me, I don't believe. Your worth in here on this board, when you post brings honesty, strength, and hope for others. It's funny, you never know who you will bring hope and strength to in a day. Just the acknowledgement of a person with eye contact, of a smile can change that person's day. Does the hospital have an IOP (intensive out patient) therapy program? I've been to mine several times. It runs 5, then 4, then 3 days a week from 9-12pm. I've found it a live saving program that brings me in contact with people in need of support. Structure to my day, and something to get myself out of my head when I'm alone. Utube meditations, sleep music also are a huge part of my self care to find peace, along with DBT for BP, a work book I got on amazon. Take care dear, know you are loved even though you maynot feel it right now. Please continue to post, how you are doing and how you can best be supported. Take care, ML

I'm very sorry you went through this, but I'm glad you survived. You seem like a very honest, straight-forward person. I read a lot here, but barely reply. You don't bullshit people, and I appreciate that. The world needs more people like you in it.

Hi Ash. I can say I completely understand how you are feeling. One year ago today I was in the hospital after an almost successful attempt. I asked the same questions. What do i do now that i had expected to die? I was mad I lived. It took days to feel anything at all, more confusion than anything. Things change, even overnight. People and certain things become less important the more you heal and take care of you. One thing i found is that the little important things become so much brighter. I cannot say life will be perfect or exact as we wish them to be. I cannot say things will not come back to cause us pain or regret. What I can say? From my experience things can change and we can hold out hope for change. Much support to you hun. You are for sure worth it, always. ((hugs))