wanting to isolate, feel scared and panicky without connecting to the 'why', sometimes feel nauseated without reason, when I think of my mother and how she was always watching me, lots of weird stuff in my life, a very painful life, and I'm 70 years old and have never know why I felt so different and wanted to die most of the time. I've used chewing my nails, an eating disorder, and SI as means of coping. I'm finally getting the help I need and using other coping skills like knitting dish cloths, playing pickle ball, spending time with my grand kids, splashing ice water in my face, eating a balanced diet (when I binge, the more I restrict, and the more I restrict the more I binge. These examples are helpful to me. I had to have willingness first. I still suffer greatly a lot, but I'm so happy to know none of this was my fault and I am now able to make some healthier choices. I'm so glad to have this support group.