Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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**warning** - gross subject matter
Today I had a procedure done to remove a kidney stone. I've had that procedure two more times before today, so I had a fairly good understanding of what it entails. Or so I thought.
I was expecting the procedure to be just like the previous two, but turns out that the stone this time was so large that they didn't remove it; they broke it. So they had to leave a stent and they will remove it next Tuesday.
No one told me that I was going to end up with my penis wrapped up in plastic with some kind of wire going in. So I freaked out when I am told I have to pee and I saw my penis in that condition. I called the nurse and she told me that it's part of the procedure and that it should stay like that for a few days.
I went off on her!!! I went nuts. I started yelling at her why no one bother giving me that information, that something was done to me without my consent, and only god knows what else. My reaction was way over the top and I had to apologize for it.
I realize that this kind of things were what my family did to me all the time. They'd do things without telling me or they'd tell me when things were a done deal so I had little or no saying in the matter. The whole penis-wrapped-up-in-sticky-plastic-with-a-wire-attached-to-it thing was just part of a normal (though unpleasant) procedure. The not knowing that the process involved that and finding out after the fact was what triggered my anger.
Anyway, I rather concentrate in my physical recovery for now, now that I shared this here. Thanks for reading.
Today I had a procedure done to remove a kidney stone. I've had that procedure two more times before today, so I had a fairly good understanding of what it entails. Or so I thought.
I was expecting the procedure to be just like the previous two, but turns out that the stone this time was so large that they didn't remove it; they broke it. So they had to leave a stent and they will remove it next Tuesday.
No one told me that I was going to end up with my penis wrapped up in plastic with some kind of wire going in. So I freaked out when I am told I have to pee and I saw my penis in that condition. I called the nurse and she told me that it's part of the procedure and that it should stay like that for a few days.
I went off on her!!! I went nuts. I started yelling at her why no one bother giving me that information, that something was done to me without my consent, and only god knows what else. My reaction was way over the top and I had to apologize for it.
I realize that this kind of things were what my family did to me all the time. They'd do things without telling me or they'd tell me when things were a done deal so I had little or no saying in the matter. The whole penis-wrapped-up-in-sticky-plastic-with-a-wire-attached-to-it thing was just part of a normal (though unpleasant) procedure. The not knowing that the process involved that and finding out after the fact was what triggered my anger.
Anyway, I rather concentrate in my physical recovery for now, now that I shared this here. Thanks for reading.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
Second, this can be triggering if you grew up in an invalidating, confusing environment.
I don't blame you for blowing up and I'm sorry you're having to work through this.... I'm still working on it myself.
Believe it or not, hospitals used to be a place that was mainly about helping sick people...now it's about financial statements to investors.
I have learned to be REAL careful about what consent forms I sign and ask so many questions about stuff before hand they probably think I'm OCD. But I think its the best way to avoid unpleasant surprises. I also tell docs I have an "anxiety disorder" and it sort of makes them be carefuller about how they treat me.
The problem comes when we get triggered and genuinely can't tell if we are overreacting. I jump to conclusions too quickly because I want to be sure I am not being used/misused. It's like I have become this suspicious person just waiting the next wrong to be done to me.
Hope you heal quickly.
That was how big and usually bad changes happened around me as a kid too, so I know how helpless and infuriated that can make you feel.
Kidney stones are no bed of roses either, so I hope you are feeling better soon.
Still, like you, I feel better if I make amends to the person I snap at. However understandable, it is not justified...
Hope you can let it go and put your focus on healing.
I hope that you heal up soon!!
Even hospital chaplains get yelled at by people in pain and distress. It comes with the job. Nobody would encourage you to make it a habit, but it is to be expected in situations like yours.
People went off on us hospital employees for a lot less, believe you me, so I'm glad you cared enough to fess up but don't be too hard on yourself.
I'm also very active so not being able to move makes me feel really bad...
Anyway, thank you for your support.
@mujicaptsd: I figure that hospital employees (well, pretty much anyone who works with people nowadays) get their share of ugliness. I try to be patient and polite.
@Ash EK: Yes I did apologized and she did look like she needed to hear me apologizing. Thank you for your kind words.
@arfie: I had a survey from the hospital and I did made a comment commending that nurse for her patience. I hope that mends something.
@guayaba: That's exactly what made me so angry, the fact that she looked like "no big deal". The PTSD made me see more than that, it made me see her as she was enjoying it, the way my family and others around me did things to me.
@letitbe3: Thank you. It never occurred to me to mention my anxiety and OCD in the intake process. I think that can help.
@RichieD: I've been to situations in hospitals where they actually expect people to go off on them. I know what you mean. Gone are the days when health care was about service and healing people.
@john12as: Thank you. I really need to hear that. Your words are very kind.