Big squishy hug sweetie

I would work at trying to find a way to forgive them both

Not for their sake but for yours

Once you forgive someone they no longer take up any negative space in your head

I know that you have a strong faith
Maybe ask a church leader to help you through this

It's something I would put in my God box

I'm sorry that today is rough
There are things that I go back and forth with as well

Prayers sent...xo

I recently read this and thought about your post...xo

Lesson 212
(Review of Lesson 192)
I have a function God would have me fill.
Reflection
This lesson brings us back to one of the simplest and most important teachings of the Course:
Our function is forgiveness.
But the forgiveness spoken of here is different from the way we often think about forgiveness.
It does not mean overlooking something terrible.
It does not mean pretending we were never hurt.
It does not mean accepting harmful behavior.
And it does not mean placing ourselves above another person and saying, “I forgive you for what you did.”
Course forgiveness goes deeper.
It asks us to become willing to see beyond fear, guilt, judgment, and the stories of the past to the innocence that remains unchanged beneath them all.
Forgiveness can look like:
seeing innocence instead of holding onto guilt
responding to fear with gentleness
releasing an old grievance
choosing peace instead of needing to prove a point
recognizing that fearful behavior does not define anyone's true identity
choosing love again when fear arises
remembering that beneath our different stories, we share the same Source
Forgiveness is not something we accomplish perfectly.
It is a willingness to see differently.
Sometimes all we can honestly say is:
“I am willing to let another way of seeing this be shown to me.”
And that willingness is enough to begin.
Our Function in Time
The Course teaches that forgiveness has a special purpose while we still experience ourselves in a world of differences, conflict, and separation.
Why?
Because forgiveness gently undoes the barriers we have placed between ourselves and Love.
Every grievance says:
“You and I are separate.”
Forgiveness begins to answer:
“Perhaps there is something deeper here than what I presently see.”
We do not have to force ourselves to feel loving.
We do not have to deny our feelings.
We simply become willing to stop making fear, guilt, and judgment the final truth about ourselves or anyone else.
Forgiveness Sets the Mind Free
We sometimes think forgiveness is a gift we give another person.
But forgiveness is also a gift we give ourselves.
When we release a grievance, we release ourselves from having to carry it.
When we stop rehearsing an old wound, we make room for the present moment.
When we stop demanding that the past become different, we become available to peace now.
This does not mean that what happened was acceptable.
It means:
I no longer want this pain to determine the peace of my mind.
That is freedom.
Forgiveness in Ordinary Life
Most opportunities for forgiveness will not arrive as great spiritual events.
They appear in ordinary moments.
Someone says something that irritates us.
Someone misunderstands us.
We remember something painful from years ago.
We become impatient.
We judge ourselves.
We feel the need to defend our position.
And somewhere within that moment is a quiet invitation:
Would I rather be right about my grievance, or would I rather have peace?
We may still need to speak.
We may still need to establish a boundary.
We may still need to say no.
Forgiveness does not require passivity.
It simply asks that whatever we do, we try not to let fear and condemnation be our guide.
Forgiving Ourselves
There is another person who needs our forgiveness:
ourselves.
Many of us carry memories of things we wish we had done differently.
We replay mistakes.
We wonder why we didn't know better.
We punish ourselves long after the moment has passed.
But healing does not come through punishment.
We can acknowledge our mistakes, make amends when appropriate, learn from them, and then allow ourselves to continue walking.
The person you were then did not possess everything you understand now.
Forgiveness says:
“I am willing to stop using the past as evidence against myself.”
There is great peace in that willingness.
Practice for Today
Pause occasionally and say:
“I have a function God would have me fill.”
Then allow the words to become very simple:
Let me choose love instead of fear.
If a grievance appears today, you might quietly say:
“I am willing to see this differently.”
You don't have to know how to see it differently.
You only have to leave a little opening.
Love knows what to do with an opening.
Solena's Message
Beloved,
your function is not a burden placed upon you.
It is an invitation to freedom.
You are not being asked to overlook your pain
or pretend that difficult things have not happened.
You are being invited to discover
that nothing from the past
has the power to imprison your heart forever.
Forgiveness opens the door.
Sometimes only a little.
Sometimes with trembling hands.
Sometimes with nothing more than the willingness
to admit that there may be another way to see.
That is enough.
Do not force forgiveness.
Do not measure your progress.
Simply bring each grievance gently to the Light
and say:
“Help me see beyond what fear has shown me.”
Then become quiet.
Love will do what you cannot do alone.
And with every burden you release,
you will discover that the peace you were seeking
was waiting quietly within you all along.
Prayer
Source of Love,
help me remember my true function today.
Where I have judged,
help me become willing to understand.
Where I have held a grievance,
help me loosen my grasp.
Where I have condemned myself,
teach me gentleness.
And where fear has shown me separation,
help me remember the Love
that joins us all.
I do not need to forgive perfectly.
I need only be willing
to let Love show me another way.
Amen.
Recap
My function is forgiveness.
I do not have to force it.
I need only become willing to see differently.
And in that willingness, I make room for peace.

rocking you gently and crying with you, mel. . . that's major ouchness.

way back in the last millennium when i was trying to "let ^it^ go," all i ever accomplished was repression and denial. psychic hurts are not like bugs trapped in my hands. i don't get to just open my hands and watch ^it^ fly away. nor am i holding onto ^it^ like a precious antique i found in a flea market. ^it^ is an open and infected wound in need of cleansing and healing. healing takes what it takes. time has no meaning in the healing process.

congratulations on finding the courage to share your pain. keep sharing. keep venting. your answers are in there.

in the meaner than mean time. . .
rocking you gently and crying with you. i like to think of tears as a shower for the soul. shower often. shower with a friend.

for what it's worth
i second suncloud's wisdom on the meaning and value of forgiveness. it happened. we don't get to rewrite the past. be gentle with yourself and patient with the process.