I'm so sorry for your experience. I have struggled with nightmares and flashbacks and I know how frightening they can be. I am fortunate to have not had the visualizations that you are experiencing. I hope that you can find some peace and I'm sending my love!

Thank you so much mjfan14. I send my love and prayers back to you. I really appreciate your support but I know what I saw. This was no "visualization". I'm not sure who or what is doing this to me, but they know I am vulnerable and they are trying to get me. Maybe it's Satan or a spirit of someone I've wronged, I don't know, but I do know that I saw Richard Karn covered in blood. I couldn't stop screaming afterward.

I'm not sure how to put this.

When I'm scared, my brain will "freeze" on the image that scared it. So a flash of light, or a misperception...and my brain will continue to stay frozen on that image. I can do a double take, and see that the person is alive and well...but the image stays with me. I've done this since I can remember.

I've almost seamlessly learned to deal with it...like walking on a numb leg. But I have long experience, since as a child, I was never "allowed" to freeze...or maybe put another way, that frozen moment could be used against me to shove me down or otherwise torment me.

So I don't know if that's what happened to you, only that I've had it happen to me. It sure isn't fun.

Possibly hallucinations?

My therapist and I worked with my nightmares' effect on my daytime life by "finishing" the nightmare with a narrative that put it into a tame frame I could live with. I don't know if that's something that could work for you, but being the author to get authority over a wild night time mind worked for me. And Prazosin, which I have an appointment with my psychiatrist to renew my prescription of today. I feel your pain, I used to have humdinger nightmares myself. Much support to you.

I am a very visual person and my eyes see something or I hear something, then my brain finishes the picture.
More than once I as the person of Al was supportive only to be the one dripping in the real or virtual blood of those who I tried to love and support. Bruises come from blood coming to the surface when something has struck a person hard enough to break capillaries and vessels. I would discount the actions as something I can recover from, since bruises fade. But the emotional and cognitive affect was that I was a punching bag, tool of pain expression from another...and that was my ONLY role in this world. So I had plenty of day-nightmares of the next step of someones action. Clear as the sun in the sky, so clear and froze in my brain as an image as real as my dog.

Peter I don't have missing memories of trauma, so I have so many examples to base those next images in. But some with childhood abuse or acute abuse do have blanks in the memory. For me I have mental dioramas, (compartmentalized), so everything is not a solid trigger. But they do sneak out often enough.
When we feel able to be comfortable, they may seep back onto view. The blood may be a representative of the feeling as well as the true remembrance of an incident. Only you know that answer, or it may be ready to let you know.
Many a painting or drawing has come out of it for me. I pick apart the images and release them that way.. Not in the actual pain but in the aftermath of the feeling of it all. calm and concentrated to make it only a flat image, no longer powerful enough to knock me down on it's own.

I often wonder whether I will paint them all, but now I am able to recall some non trauma memories. That has been a big help.

Support J.

Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. To everyone saying its just a hallucination... normally I would agree but not this time. This time was different. I know what I saw. It was real and no quack doctor is gonna tell me otherwise. They will do anything to get a paycheck and make me think something is wrong with me. I have seen the original episode a million times and I know that scene isn't in there, yet I saw with my own eyes this disturbing footage. If that was in my mind then so is this entire forum. It was as real as the chair I am sitting in as I type this!

Mujicaptsd, hopefully I can find someone on this forum that can help me "finish" my nightmare as well. I think that's what I need honestly. My mother has haunted me for years, even after she passed away from unknown causes, and I need closure.

Also, jewells1, thank you for the kind and thoughtful response. One of the most insightful and intelligent posts I have seen on this site. Shoot me a message if you want to be friends and talk about this further.

Welcome Peter.... I am sorry for what has brought you here but glad that you're here..... Were you having these very graphic nightmares before the medication??

If not I would check the side effects of your meds...... Some can cause nightmares and even night terrors..... I was on a med years ago that caused terrors and they would stay with me for weeks afterwards.... I had to go off of the med

Gentle hug and a blessing..... xo

Thank you for the kind reply suncloudjd. Unfortunately this is not a med side effect. I have had nightmares my whole life but none this bad. Sometimes I watch the Dr. Phil show late at night and I think it messes with my brain. I was experiencing a lot of disturbing images of Dr. Phil in these nightmares. (none of them compared to what someone put on my TV though and I'm looking into who did it)

Again thank you for the support. Usually when I get up for a bit and masturbate I can get back to sleep pretty quickly. I just hope it doesn't happen again or I will never sleep for the rest of my life.

We are all patients here and will listen and share what we think may help.
You mentioned your mother leaving you with haunting thoughts or images? Can you elaborate? Or maybe use the journal here to type out what ever you remember about the images/dreams. This may help you see where and what is connected. Then sort them in some sort of order. Your journal can be set as private as you like, yourself, friends only or public. The last two may get you some helpful feedback once you have some things sorted.
As for therapeutic -ologists by what ever degree, not all are in it for the paycheck. Around 75% enter into the field because mental illness has impacted their lives in some way. But they do specialize in areas of their own known biases to a certain degree. So you may need to try a few to find the right fit, depending on the sources of your trauma.

You will sleep again. But that may not be easy, your body will do it when it can't go on anymore. My longest run has been 5 days and there are many 3-4 day runs in there. By the fourth day I am pretty paranoid even of falling asleep. Afraid of the nightmares and not waking up.
J.

jewells1, yeah, my mother was very abusive and would yell at me when I was younger because I was never good enough. She died years ago but the memory of her still haunts me in my nightmares. We are still not sure the cause of her death but I believe there is a link between her death and what I witnessed yesterday on my TV. I had a similar experience the day she died and someone else passed away yesterday as well. Hopefully we can get to the bottom of who is doing this to me. Will keep everyone posted on that.

I think I will sleep fine, but not if the nightmares keep happening. I have actually gone about 5 days without sleep myself and it is horrible. I do not want to go through that again. I got in a pretty bad car accident when that happened and I am still recovering from the injuries to this very day. Seriously, if you can't sleep, you are better off nearly overdosing on sleeping pills anyway because the lack of sleep WILL kill you eventually. Its not worth it. Again thanks everyone for the support, I am slowly but surely clearing my mind of all this.

I see a few triggers to what you experience, So the depersonalixation of Al by Tim (who gets excused as the star and that's the way he is) may be tied to early life with mom. It's a common thread here that we tend to take on the "blame" if what we were given since that is often what we were made to believe. Also that at early ages we naturally relate the world to our being in the center. It's not really that way, especially from another's point of view, wherein they are the center.
Death, will trigger the reactions of other deaths and what those people were in our life. So we grieve then have old grief turned up in that field. It can be overwhelming when they stack up on us. Have you ever tried to un-mix Nestle's quick and milk? With a lab and the right tools, experience and knowledge, you might get close. Close is not perfect but it may be workable. It's kinda of like untangling fishing lines after a fish on crossing the area of others in a tournament. A mess. Time patience and following the paths to sources is needed. A good therapist will follow your lead until the see from their angle a way to undo a couple tangles with one action. Then maintenance practices or CBT, cause once a line is crinked, it is always easier to re-crink even after it has been untangled.

The Dr Phil show is a nightmare itself!

I have had depression psychosis and saw hallucinations. I would recommend contacting your therapist and share this with him or her and then contact your doctor controlling your medication after speaking with your therapist. I do not know how long you have been on your medication and if its new it could be the direct cause of it. I was on many myself for an incorrect diagnosis.

Hahaha, yeah Dooo! Dr. Phil show really is a nightmare! His bald head gives all the women nightmares too!

In all seriousness, thanks but for the last time, I am NOT experiencing hallucinations! I am NOT hallucinating!!! I am pretty sure that what I saw was at least somewhat real. I've been on my meds for years, this is NOT a side effect. Whether it was Satan, some spirit I've done wrong to, or maybe just karma, I know that someone or something is haunting me with images of bloody Richard Karn.

As for the nightmares though... I am pretty sure that Dr. Phil is the source. Like jewells1 said up there, you just can't separate nesquik and milk without lab equipment. So I'm going to get my lab equipment here and get Dr. Phil out of my life ASAP. Hopefully my nightmares stop...we will see after tonight.

Thanks for all the kind comments and support. I love you guys.

Peter, when I was a little boy I had a strange dream. I was gliding along a tightwire engulfed by clouds. The wire would break and I'd be falling. Never hit bottom and I'd wake up, more puzzled than anything else. The dream repeated over and over until I was about 6 or 8. Then, no more until I joined the Air Force. First night in boot camp, I had it again. Same dream. Next day I knew I would have it again. This time I resolved to hang on, to finish the dream. That night, I did have it again. This time I refused to "fall." I kept gliding along the wire and the clouds parted. I saw the wire anchored to a post, like a tent peg, at the edge of a cliff. I hopped off the wire, saw myself looking down at my sleeping self, and I said, "I made it. Now nothing can stop me." I never had that dream again. Life has had ups-and-downs; Some, pretty devastating. But through it all, I grit my teeth and push on -- always, always remembering that dream. Peter -- FINISH YOUR DREAM! If there are monsters in it, YOU can defeat them. When you do, you will have a new outlook and restored confidence in your capabilities and yourself.