Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I slept well last night.
Your storries are more painful than mine but my story is true.
I woke up so anxious that I don't even want to be around me.
I am accepting that maybe I don't know everything, even everything about what I've been through. It seems like I should know everything tha thappened to me and be able to understand what was going on becuase I was there but.....even looking at the marriage I know that I don't becuase the only head I get to see inside of is myself. I'm accepting that I have PTSD for a reason. I don't understand it.
I can also admit that I severely belittle the violence I experienced and the fear I felt growing up. But not enough to say that I understand why I have PTSD. I'm just admitting that I don't understand why and learning to be okay with that.
I'm afraid for what lies ahead but I'm doing what I know is right. I'm not perfect but I'm sticking to my gut and trusting GOD with my future.
I need to learn how to speak but maybe not all in one day.
Time to stop comparing and time to stop making the same mistakes over and over again.
The wheels will keep on spinning but I'll do my best to stand still.
I have always believed I need to focus on the anxiety and figure out the why so I could get through it but today I'm choosing just to sit. I can't figure it out. I hate it. I can't solve it. It's just mine and I'm going to focus on other things.....my sweet girl kids new findings every day, a book, scripture, someone elses problems but not mine. I'm taking a breather. I can't figure out what's spinning so I'm choosing to just let it spin. I literally feel different physically in my head when I don't chase after the anxiety and try to figure it out. It's on the right side, near the front, it's like there's a little knot - not a headache just a dull knot, comparable to dizziness...it's just a something isn't right feeling. I know I'm anxious and I know I'm smart enough that I could solve it but chasing feelings is exhausting so Im done.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Keep sorting, Marah. Methinks you are on a roll.
Most of our patients were gunshot wound victims from the 47 gangs at constant around that hospital on the south side. But as the city's biggest hospital, we got the car accidents, domestic violence, and other trauma victims, too.
What I saw first hand put comparing trauma to rest for me once and for all. I met patients who had been shot multiple times who didn't bat an eye about it. Then I met other patients who sincerely fell apart over a hand nail.
We as humans vary so much in our responses to trauma that comparisons don't tell us much. The same is true of an individual human, too. At certain times in their lives, I saw that they could take a licking and keep on ticking. At other times, I saw that the same person just fell apart over a lot less than they'd endured before.
Comparing is a natural idea to pursue in trying to learn about this disorder of ours, but it turns out to be unreliable. I'm one of those people I mention above who at times has been tough as iron, but at other times in my life just fell apart under less stress.
It's ok, it seems that's how we humans are made. I've come to learn that I, like a lot of us, fall apart when I can afford to, so it's not something to be feared as much as something to prepare for gently. The last time I fell apart was when kidney disease struck in 2010. I had to leave my beloved job as a hospital chaplain to teach community college nursing students instead. I fell apart over that, but it as a softer landing that ever before because I treated myself with more understanding about it.
Why wouldn't I fall apart over such a big unwanted change in my life? It made sense, so I prepared and it didn't hurt as much as it had before. Nor did it have such big consequences, except for the fact that my fiancee refused to accept it and broke up with me over it calling me "lazy."
For once, I got through that breakup relatively quietly, trusting what I'd learned about myself enough to know that the issues wasn't laziness at all. I did like you say about yourself right now and let it spin itself out, trusted God and my gut, and didn't exhaust myself chasing feelings.
It sounds like you're doing well, Marah. Thanks for what you said, because it helped me take my own inventory and see it's good I didn't make the same mistake again.
It my life's timeline with PTSD, I've had a setback to cope with about once a decade, so I'm coming due right about when I plan to retire in 2020 now. It's good to know that if I handled 2010, I might handle 2020, too, if I do as you say again and trust God and my gut when big changes happen again in the next couple of years.