Your profile says you are a musician. Music is a gift you give to the world. That doesn't make the world better without you. To me, at least. And I just met you. I can't imagine life wtihout music, which means I can't imagein life without musicians.... so thank you for music. It's a blessing in my life.

Leo

Hope you will find the optimism to open up and tell us why.

Healing happens. Hope a healing touch finds you.

i'm adopted too, and had a....umm....`less than stelar' childhood.

sounds like some deep depression talking here. are you seeing any professionals or taking any meds?

incidentally, lowell is high on my pilgrimage list. went to pere lachaise to hang out with morrison and renton to hang out with jimi (amongst other spots and people), but gotta' head your way to see kerouac. it's a bucket list thing. :)

It sounds like you are in a very tough place right now. I hope you can continue to give those feelings a voice!

I dont have a lot of advice to give you right now, but I can tell you that this is a wonderful supporortive group! We do not even have to understand to sympathize with someone elses pain. And clearly you are in pain.

You've made it this far, so camp out here for a while, and share whatever you need to, when you are ready.

I understand wanted to be aborted. I was suppose to be aborted and wasn't. And trust me, I've paid for it.

I felt the same way in the past.. my mother even had an abortion after me. so....
anyway. you are on this planet for a reason.
your life is important.
I won't say that you should try to have a positive attitude because of your kids. because everyone tried that on me and I never heard it....mostly because I was regularly seeing a shrink and so medicated that I didn't know where I was most of the time.
sometimes it just gets so effing hard living life when you feel like you're breathing everyone else's oxygen.
that's the way I felt anyway.
but you know what I've learned?
I learned that the attitude that I have is passed on to my children.
mine are grown now and it's not easy facing what I put them through when they were little.
they say they forgive me. but forgiving myself is the hard part.
and watching them go through the same things I went through.
it's too late for you or me to be aborted.
so...
so we just gotta stay here.
and ride this roller coaster called life.
I'm glad you weren't aborted.
although I do support abortion.
warm safe hugs to you Hink.
=^..^=

So much sadness, hate and lack of love for yourself. It hurts me just to hear your words. I hope you have a therapist and you might want to consider some meds for your depressed mood.

I have days where I feel like you do and I was not adopted, so I can only imagine that adds to the pain. I found a gratefulness journal really helped me. Look out the window and find a few things to be grateful for and than write them down. It can be little things, such as the weather, that you got up and showered etc. It gets easier as you go and you feel better.

Give yourself a hug, you need your own support and love right now.

hugs

I've had some pretty close friends who were adopted, and a set that are looking TO adopt, right now.

As a kid, I never realized just how emotionally complicated adoption could BE for the kid.

There's sort of this "she/they DIDN'T want me, but THESE PEOPLE wanted me enough to come and GET me" thing ... and ... the whole identity thing (who AM I ??) ... and ... probably 50 other things.

And if you have medical issues ... there's info you need that you may/may not have.....

Which is only to say ... I know nothing about that part of your life or what you're feeling, except that ... there's room for a lot of pain there.

For which ... I'm sorry.

I also would guess that we're catching you at a *particularly difficult* time, huh ?

That's when *I* came here. That's when lots of us probably came here.

Which is more than okay. It's good. You ARE here, and you ARE welcome, supported, cared for, valued, and -- maybe most importantly -- understood.

[ OT: to you and MojoPaw: I paid my respects to Jim (and Oscar Wilde, and all the others) at Pere Lachaise, too :-) ]

The damned song line that often goes through my head is from Queen, "Bohemian Rhapsody." I'm guessing you'll understand:

"I don't wanna' die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all."

But I am. And you were. WE were. I still hang in there, and do the best I can ... one day ... one hour ... one minute at a time.

I simply *must* know how my story ends ... if it ever gets better. I'm planning to stick around to find out. I hope you'll join me, to see how YOURS turns out :-)

I wish you peace, health, and strength.