My PTSD waxes and wanes. Some days it's far enough under the surface that I can socialize and talk to people in my regular life. And then there's the days that I get very upset that people don't understand that terrible things happen in the world. I'm over here barely keeping it together because I'm having intrusive thoughts and memories of the torture and abuse I suffered as a child, and these people are complaining about trivial things. It's really hard to talk to anyone when I'm feeling this way. Apparently I hide it well. I'm that "strong assertive female" in the community. That translates into people not thinking I need compassion or empathy. But my outward strength is just a wall I have because I've been physically beaten and tortured by too many people. People around me feel the need to comment on my wall, make light of it, or criticize it. But if I try to explain I get the same response: "we all have trauma." I feel attacked. They bring it up and then put down my explanation. I never put weight or significance on my explanation. It is what it is. It's no greater or lesser than anything else. But every time I offend people who I know haven't been tortured by explaining my past. They are probably uncomfortable. I know they have no idea how I feel. And I don't expect them to. I just wish that they would stop bringing it up. I feel alone, isolated, and like no one actually cares about what they can't understand. So they mock and judge me for being distant or hard to get to know. And that just adds to my ptsd. I don't understand why I don't get to have compassion or empathy from others. It's like they want me to act "normal" to make them comfortable and when I don't, they have to punish me for it. It's such a strange response to someone else's trauma. I feel like no one will ever really know all of me because no one can handle hearing about my experiences. I feel very alone.