Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I can’t do this. I say that sentence and then somehow I turn a corner and figure it out but this is different. This is a nightmare and I can’t handle feeling like this so frequently.
I have a hard time communicating with people and I know that part of it is the mularky Husband fed me and part of it is the PTSD and part of it is probably just normal me. Do I have to unweave the mess in order to make it more manageable??? It feels impossible!
I am crushed in spirit every day and I wear a smile and do my best and do my job and when it’s not good enough, sometimes I crumble. Sometimes it’s a perfectly normal conversation. But sometimes I crumble when I have no reason to. Some tones....coupled with focusing on the problem more than the solution and all I see is red and then I hear something incomprehendable and that’s the problem that’s going to lead to more problem. I can sit with myself and correct the negative thoughts that transpire from those encounters but I can’t make myself hear and understand what’s being said to me. I can’t make myself breathe or talk until the person walks away. I can’t make myself be okay in those moments and I’m going to miss something important. I’m going to make a mistake after it’s already been explained to me or not do something I need to do. It’s going to cause problems. I’d like to be present enough to ask them to slow down or ask clarifying questions but I’m not. I’m a mess!
My husband is taking my daughter overnight for the first time tomorrow night.
We are actually getting divorced and I don’t think he’s going to make the process easy.
Im a mess.
none of this sounds like crisis but I don’t know how to function when I feel like this and I need sleep. I’m so stressed and hurt and sad and confused and angry.
If he didn’t KNOW what he was doing was wrong, he would’ve worked harder to save the marriage but somehow it’s my fault and I’m the cruel one unwilling to compromise
i csnt so this
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Look, you said that he pulled a knife on you.
THAT is a deal breaker. There is NO excuse...ever.
I don't care if you were standing there saying "come pull a knife on me"...there are things that one just can NOT do. (And I'm NOT saying that you were saying that....just that even if you had..it's not an excuse.)
So ya know, it doesn't matter if either of you "worked on the marriage or not"...violence that could land one parent into the hospital and the other into jail...isn't good for ANYONE. Not your kids, not you, and it's not even good for him. Because years in prison...suck. I have known people who for various reasons ened up in prison for a time, and it's a LOT harder than jail, and no fun at all. (Well Russ's sentence got thrown out, and he spent something like 2-3 weeks repairing everything in the prison offices (he's a carpenter) and chatting up the guards waiting for all of the paperwork to come through...but I'm WAY off topic here. And that was over a false drug charge not domestic violence.
So yeah, you're the "cruel" one that has made it so that he won't accidentally really hurt or kill you and he won't spend years in prison. Yeah...just cruel. Kids still having two parents...just cruel.
He may get it, or he may never get it. Oh well.
With the kids stay neutral as you can. He's their father. His DNA is half of what they are. Anything you say against him, you're also saying against them. Eventually, the more neutral you are, your kids will "get" it.
That will be a bittersweet day. It's the day you get validation. But it will also be the day that part of their heart breaks. Keep staying neutral and the kids will come out the other side loving both of you for Who You Are (rather than what they'd like you to be.)
(My kids "miss" their dad...but at the same time they don't "miss" him. It's his loss far more than it's our kid's loss. I had to work hard for my kids to maintain a relationship with him...which isn't exactly "fair"...but I didn't do it for either me or him...I did it for the two human beings that I love more than anything. There were days when I've doubted if it was worth it...but in the end...it is...it really is worth every bit of the pain and struggle.)
Okay...I wrote too much.
To my just-a-patient senses, it sounds like several crisis coming at you simultaneously. Goliath, himself, might stagger at that many stones coming at him from that many different directions. Cut yourself some slack, Marah. It's okay to be human. It's okay to feel whelmed with it all.
It's also okay to continue surprising yourself by over-coming more than you thought you possibly could. Ya never know for sure what you can handle until the test is over.
Gentle support while you work it out. You are not alone.