Used up, unlovable, fat, ugly, disgusting, never good enough... That pretty much sums up how I'm feeling on a daily basis. There is no escaping these thoughts for me, I've tried so hard to be positive and put on a happy face. I'm so fake that I have even tricked all my friends into believing that I am this cheerful, funny, out-going person. I mean god, Id be a phenomenal actor.

I hate to sound so negative about life, but this is the only place I can let out my true feelings. I went through 7 years of being sexually abused by three different men because my mum sold me to feed her drug habit. She let them abuse me and do what they want with me. I lived with one of the abusers for 2 years. I never left the flat and was locked in a room 90% of the time. I was his sex toy and accepted it. He even told me he loved me, and cared about me, and that our love was a secret romance. That touching me was a way of showing affection. I fell for it, and as much as I hated the sexual abuse I craved his love and attention. Id never felt any kind of love before, and all I wanted was for him to love me. He also rated me how well I've done sexually, and if I did badly I always felt horrible, like I failed.

And this is why I have PTSD. I also have ADHD and bulimia, life is clearly going well.

Seriously though, I feel terrible and so guilty, like the abuse was my fault. I just want to give up. :(