I dont even know where to start.... Please dont do this. If you can see a way forward once you get help, then there is a way forward. You just have to get the help you need now instead of Monday.

Do you have a number for the Samaritans ? Does that even exist where you live ?

Is is possible to call the cops ? They will at least have to get you to a place of safety or hospital. You could get emergency help that way.

Anyone in the US know any of any appropriate help ?

I hope that you get some good advice here...

Sammers.

thank you i am sure willing to dialogue about it..still am rational even though too deep in my familiar pain. i wish i knew how to get thru this i just cant see how. i have never wanted to live but havent tried suicide even tho often wanting to i always looked at the chance things would eventually improve or there would be treatments..but i cant even see a logical reason to stay alive anymore..

what are the samaritans? i cant be hospitalized it will make me worse. i was a long time ago. it really screwed me up.
aLSO the one thing that would stop me is i have babies that depend on me, i am trying to make arrangements for them before i do anything so they will be taken care of..if i cant make arrangements i will not kill myself because i wont leave them without care.

The samaritans is an organistation in the UK that are there on the phone 24 x 7 to talk to people in times of mental or emotional crisis. They will talk to you for as long as you need them to and will try to help if they can.

I cant stay on here right now... Please, please dont do anything that is final...

this seems like i am replying in the wrong place..oh well. thank you again for hearing and responding to my need...i dont want death, i am afraid of death. just have tried for weeks now to hang on and thought i saw hope when i got those numbers, then they fell thru..dont see any way to feel better. have no money to see a good effective therapist..cant work, (was on disability but got an inheritance so took myself off it)..it was not enuf $ to do more than barely survive on for a couple years. so other than one really great therapist whom i had to leave when i moved, i have never been able to find, let alone afford a really good trauma therapist. i have run out of options. called crisis line earlier and someone on today who is not good..made me feel worse last time. the good ones will be on later..maybe tomorrow or mon. not sure. everyone i know turns to me for help if they need it. i am seen as very competent. even tho i tell them, they dont see me falling apart, so dont really believe or comprehend how deep my pain is most of the time. and most of them dont know how to help if they did..my husband died from cancer in such a horrible way months ago, i still havent grieved fully for him..cannot comprehend that i went thru what i did with him..
it is all sweeping over me, i am drowning in all the feelings of loss, all the layers upon layers of grief starting as an abused infant...what can i do?

uk ph number wont help i'm afraid..i heard there was a ptsd helpline but dont know how to find it.

Don't do that. Have a moment of clarity and walk to the hospital. When you get in the ER tell them you want to hurt yourself. They will take care of you. I think your unwillingness to be hospitalized may reflect a larger problem than just PTSD. And I'm very sure it must be frustrating to not get a hold of anyone at the trauma lines but I have to disagree, you need to go to the hospital. They are the most qualified to help.

USA: Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

i put myself in a hospital when i was 12 or 13, took alot of pursuading my mother and guidance counselor but finally did. i was in for 3 years. it was very very harmful. the dr had a sexual relationship with me. i never got over it. i fell in love with him. i was 16. many people i have known who were inpatients got molested by their therapists too. i have known so many patients who have been traumatized by authority when in a powerless position (such as hospitalized). i just need to be held so much..need someones tender touch.

something happened that has given me a bit of hope. i am ok for the time being...clinging to my bit of hope for help....thank you. i will post again soon.

I hope you choose not to commit suicide, call 911, go to the ER, call these helplines.
Stay in the Light!

Suicide Prevention / Depression

USA: Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)

USA: Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-Talk
(1-800-8255)

USA: Grief Recovery Helpline : 1-800-445-4808

Also, refer to the Crisis Hotlines Green Link at the Bottom of every DS Page.

please dont do it you got more to live for than you think im just like you i tired to kill myself im sorry your going thourgh a hard time but you got more to life then you think in time you will reunit with your husben

thank you all for your help. it got me thru one of the worst times i've had as an adult. i finally had a call with someone from the crisis line who was highly competent about ptsd and understood exactly what i was going thru and dealing with, in my life situation, the thing that had sent me back to childhood. he talked with me over an hour and i stopped dissociating, got back to my "self" again. the thing that has been triggering me is still unresolved and so i may be triggered again and be in trouble again soon i fear. it happens every few days it seems for about last two months and dont know how to get free. a relationship with someone i have fallen in love is what started the crisis. i dont know what to do because i keep getting trigered by the way he handles things that happen between us or between him and his family. we are starting to see a counselor but that hasnt affected the core problem yet. feel like i might not live thru this relationship. want to break it off to protect myself but that would make it worse i think. and he is a good guy, not abusive or destrutive, just has a mother and x wife problem that looks insoluable. again, thank you guys...

glad your better, and glad you got help. Be sure to post to everyone if you need help again

i under stand what you are going thru with being in love with someone like that... dont hurt yourself breath i know that sounds hookie but do anything you can excpet hurt yourself. wrap urself up in blankets with pillows everywhere cuddle up in there and rest... Monday is just around the corner. i know you are scared and i just want you to know YOU are on my mind i dont know you but i am here if you need... My name is Sue