Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I have CPTSD.
what do you guys think of this?
I was in over the top pain by Tuesday after painting for twelve hours in my kitchen so I got the phone number of a painter from a friend. This man arrived on Tuesday morning and took a look, refused to do it as he said he had not interest in doing 'finicky' work with the units and the trim but he took down the curtain rail for me as the idiot who put it up had affixed it to the wall with tiny screws when it was supposed to just lift up. There are stoppers at either end of the pole. When he had pulled the fridge out we looked around and could not figure out where one of the stoppers had gone and searched all around the kitchen. I even asked him if maybe he had taken it out to the van with him when he went to get the correct screwdriver. Anyway I then put my hand in my pocket and to my mortification found the damn thing and laughed and said I had it. I had zero recollection of him handing it to me earlier. we both laughed and I moved over to switch on the kettle. He came up behind me and playfully squezzed my waist from both sides in what would normally be assumed to be a tickle (it actually hurts me). I froze, excused myself and went up to the bathroom to take a breath but armed myself with a scissors before I returned to the kitchen. I thought 'who the fuck does this man think he is to put his hands one me without my permission and we do not even know each other. I was actually terrified and made sure the table was between us and could not wait for him to leave. He told me to call him that evening and he would put the fridge back for me. I felt violated, afraid and uneasy and I did not call him. I pushed, shoved and got the damn fridge back in place myself. He is supposed to return soon to clean the chimney in my sitting room/lounge for me but I do not want this and will get someone else. Am I over reacting? I told wolfgang tonight and he said 'obviously the man misread signals to which I responded 'You sound like you're trying to put some blame on me. He got no fucking signals. I have been raped, abused, beaten and assaulted. There were definitely no 'signals' to be misinterpreted. He's just an asshole who had no right to put his hands on me.'. Wolfgang added to my discomfort and now I feel absolutely unsafe in my own home.
Am I losing it completely?
-
Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
-
Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I am so sorry to hear you are feeling violated and unsafe, but I recognize that you have every right to feel that way. I would absolutely not feel comfortable with someone doing that to me. Even if there were "signals" he would have no right to touch you like that. Start with asking the person out, flirt, smile, but don't touch. Don't grab. That's not appropriate. You are not losing it, you have every right to feel uncertain. He may have thought he was being flirty, he may have thought it was acceptable, but it's not, and he should know better.
I’m very sorry this person crossed that boundary with you. He had no right to do that and you did good in protecting yourself , recognizing your right to personal space and to not be touched. Now follow up with taking good care of yourself. It’s okay if you cry because of course you are afraid and triggered but after a bit increase the self care until you can regain composure. Triple hugs of support Irish.
Did getting ^it^ into words help any? That is always my second step in managing a trigger event. My first step is breathing exercises.
You did not give permission for this ahole to touch you. Not only was he unprofessional but what he did is disgusting. Definitely go with a different contractor.
I wouldn't let him back in either and Wolfgang's comment was so insensitive and wrong IMHO Irish......Another hug …..xo
That's just me and how I'm responding to having had my boundaries violated all of my childhood growing up as a missionary kid in a war zone overseas. It's not textbook trauma recovery, but it works for me.
I would not be happy with this handyman's behavior as you describe it, but please bear in mind that I don't ever even let anyone in to my space, much less let them touch me. For others I expect that there's nothing hard about letting people in to their living space nor rough housing or tickling with someone there. But they're not me. I cope my way and recognize the price I pay for that in having zero social life in my home. That's how much safety is a higher priority there for me than socializing. That's why I don't have a room mate nor a partner.
It's ok for each of us to have our own concept of personal space, irishwriter, as long as we own it and are willing to live with its consequences and can still be functional in our lives. Notice I use the word "functional" rather than "normal," because "normal" is not a useful concept to me in this regard. Functional is.
I hope you find your right balance for you between openness and being safe in your living space. It's an ongoing process, I find.
It's good to trust your instincts, good for you!!
Gentle hugs and support.
I agree with everyone else here - it was totally inappropriate. I don't believe the man should be invited back into your home, not be allowed in under any circumstances at all. And equally inappropriate is any victim blaming / victim shaming from anyone in your life - is what I think.