Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
some of you wrote some really encouraging things on an earlier post of mine. Thank you, as always, for your authenticity and gentle explanations of a hard truth. I especially liked the metaphors.
I can not in this moment find hope for myself to be where you are.
I’m not sure how you did it and I don’t think that I can.
I am a Christian. We are either delusional or we are right when it comes to our faith and I think a part of me thinks maybe I’m delusional. To believe that God could heal me and take this from me or teach me to manage it would be the right belief because it’s a promise of scripture. He’ll heal the nations. He had plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me. He will not waste this hurt. I am not alone. He will never leave me. He will hide me under His wings and guide me. When I hurt He hurts also.
But I can’t fathom life without these symptoms. For the last fifteen years I literally thought they were personality quirks and personal flaws I’d never fix. I owned them as pieces of my character. They seem so ingrained in who I am that it would be like taking off my own skin. I can’t fatham a life managing symptoms. That said, let’s do some highs/lows for the week.
personal space invader at work (clumsy and unaware of his surroundings) has worked opposite shifts as me this week
new grounding technicues may help a bit
someone with my brothers first and last name came into the place today and I had to walk around looking for him. His first and last name, spelled exactly the same. I’m sure I looked like I’d seen a ghost when I saw the name. I froze and then stepped into my roll and did my job.
I conpartmentalized well today.
I do a good job most days but I jumped into go mood more quickly with that than I did when I heard TW TW TW what reminded me of the sound of masterbating a few weeks ago. I was a mess for that but for this I flipped the switch and moved on. That’s confusing. Until I clocked out and immediately made really poor choices to help me cope. I’ve wasted my entire evening and I don’t feel better.
I’m 89% sure I’ll be skipping church for the first time since I started going again simply because I don’t want to go.
STAYING HOME WILL NOT HELP
but I’ll save money in gas and maybe I can get some work done. I have a meeting Tuesday to chat about some leadership stuff. I need to be prepared. I also need to get some items together to fax. And copy dates into my new planner because I spilled gross smelling sauce on my old one.
But staying home means I’ll be home alone all day. As much as I like that because it limits the triggers, I will be alone...and I am not okay.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
Nothing is as easy as it sounds.
I am Catholic...
and that is also a part of the difference of understanding I have derived from what a bunch of religious leaders decided to include in a book that was translated and transcribed from an almost forgotten language 150 years after the last known author lived, by three people and then combined and capsulized with edits by said religious leaders....and revised so many time I can't count.
Deep breath.
My dad because he was native American was forcefully enrolled in an Indian school that's sanctioned purpose was to beat and teach religious concepts into him to knock out his cultural upbringing. Brain washing techniques. That teaching is also why he made us go to church and tested us on the sermons or punish us, then invite the father over for Sunday dinners to debate the sermons, differences in the edits and translations, there for the meanings misconstrued within the Bible... and test us again.
The native teaching are so much simpler and we are given examples in stories like the psalms of how to see and navigate this world. with "7 sacred teaching/7 Grandfather teachings' that can adapt to all examples but where we are responsible for what we can do. Succeeding is a learned process and the love of the Creator is the world and all in it as a gift, including ourselves.
It's taken me a long time to reconcile those things, with what has happened in my life. Especially when you throw "free will" into the mix, when it was not mine being thrown... It is still a work in progress. I believe the creator is capable of being aware of us, but not so much the micromanaging of what goes on.
I am much stronger than when I started here. Give you the time, love and patience needed. I was still recovering from my first marriage since today years old. Because it meant something to me.
Count your success as much as you count your tries.
Believe me when I tell you that was not my mind set a number of times in my life when giving up and giving in seemed so easy and wanted just to get out.
Hug and support for all you do.
J.
https://www.nhbpi.org/seven-grandfather-teachings/
Big hugs and support for whatever you do. It's about healing and finding comfort. A soft place to be at the end of a long day.
Just now I had been asleep, and a loud sound outside woke me up. No middle ground. From sound asleep to wide awake. But I have my soft pillow here. My daughter's stuffed elephant. Cool tea. And a boring book. I'm hoping that they'll work.
More hugs....hoping for a peaceful night for us all, Patti
Hebrews 5:12-14
For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.
Personally, I cope by trusting in God to lead the dance. I doesn't need to know the Master Plan, the next step in the dance or even the tune the celestial orchestra is playing. I only need to trust that God will lead the dance, if *I* will allow it. When allow this trust, the next step is always obvious when it is time to move my foot. It is not always easy, but it is always obvious. All at godspeed. Sometimes godspeed is fast. Sometimes it isn't.
Tired of struggling to cope...that I know.
When my kids were little, I had no money, I had no sleep, I was chronically exhausted...it was all worse. My kids grew...and it got better. Or maybe it's just old age. I sure don't have all or perhaps even any answers. Wise...I'm definitely not.
I hope that you're able to find peace...that I surely do.
Patti
However, I came to trust myself, trust my CPTSD recovery, and trust nature, the universe, the divine (whichever one might choose to call it) that these were cycles, not just setbacks. I got CPTSD as a missionary kid in a family that was devoting itself to answering the call to ministry, so I had to settle my related trust and faith issues accordingly. With constant CPTSD flashbacks my perception can't be of life going in a straight line. Faith, trust, peace, recovery--they're all more of a zig zag for me and always will be, just speaking of my own personal experience.
So I decided to try to accept that my own experience of my life is genuine, it's authentic, it's as real as anybody else'd experience of their life is. Mine just has rhythms to it that are unique to my CPTSD that I need to learn to ride out. I needed to be attuned to myself in a way others couldn't be aware of without knowing PTSD personally. That's so I could take care of myself in ways others without PTSD experience couldn't. To do that I needed to learn, really learn, to be kind to myself, and not to judge myself by the standards of others.
For that I need support from people who also live with the eccentric rhythms of PTSD symptoms, and that's you and my friends here at DS PTSD. I'm glad you're here, Marah, you're very real and you're fighting the good fight. Sending you my support today.