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The holidays are quickly approaching... way too fast. I don't even want to hear or see the "C" word or anxiety comes over me. How many of you are wishing to runaway from it too? Or maybe someone could wake us up when it's over?
THis time a year ago we were scrambling to get settled in after an exhausting move. From one island over and then from a hostile landlord who harassed me 24/7 and played games with our new rental lease so we had to pack up and find another one on the spot.
MEANWHILE I was scrambling to get Mom moved over from 5,000 miles away, her and her cat (which btw, getting a pet entered / moved into Hawaii is a whole other nightmare- fees, fares, and extra requirements 6-9 mo ahead). Then a few days after mom and her cat arrived (cat was required to fly on a separate flight, btw *rollseyes*) while I was busy getting her setttled and set up with senior care (transporation, doctors, etc), my estranged father passed away.
Some of you may remember the emotional and physical roller coaster that then ensued over the next several months as I had to play detective and track down his death certificate in a foreign country (from afar).
My point being, over the holidays I was wreck and what did my spouse do (yup, "spouse", because husband is too kind for a title)? He invited his sister and all of her family to come stay at our house for 8 days. They totally took over our house, too.
So I'm still "recovering" from that whole ordeal.... and the journey with my father's death still continues one year later as I'm about to take a trip overseas in Dec to visit *those* relatives and his grave -Ironically during THAT holiday that starts with a C. Boy, if I think I hate "C' now, I'm really going to hate it after this, huh? But I figured I'll be in a Muslim country so at least I won't have Santa and jingly songs everywhere to overwhelm my senses. Nope, I'll be on a completely different emotional roller caoster. I'll be sure to take notes of everything, because I want to write a book about this.
My older brother called last night and said he broke the news to his wife that he's divorcing her. He's been staying with a friend and took that friend with him to the house to get some valuables in case she decided to smash his stuff. He said to me the holidays are coming up and asked what to do. I told him we'll be gone but he's free to fly out and crash here if he needs to get away from drama. At least mom will be here to yack his head off. Sheesh.... I can't imagine what it's like to be going through a divorce over the holidays and how depressing that must be.
Sending a pre-laoded hug out to everyone who's feeling as much dread as I am. It's here when you need it!
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Big big puma hug, Blue:-)
As my own massive December trauma has healed, I have found my focus shifting to the sunlight. I grow more convinced every year that the diminishing sunlight has a very real and primal physical effect all its own. Growing my awareness of and addressing those physical effects has helped me make sense of the season. The cultural frenzy still baffles me, but. . . Works in progress. . . All cultural frenzies baffle me. Get your pitchforks and torches here!! Only 400% over cost. . .
Its coming too soon
That is a lot you've been through. You are strong for being able to handle it all
wake me up when its over.
I'm glad you posted this too
Sending you much support & hugs back <3
Muji, taking trips on those dates is a great idea. My husband and I sometimes do that too since we have no kids and family lives thousands of miles away (other than my mom living with us).
But before I was married, I used to invite over the lonely, the broke, the widowed, basically anyone who was alone but didn't want to be alone for the holidays. When I was in the Marines, I would have over Marines who couldn't go home to visit their family / loved ones and we'd cook up a huge meal together. I do have good memories of the holidays.... but I don't know when it happened that I started hating it. Maybe it was when the economic depression of 2008 happened and sales were being forced down our throats with "C" sales in July (now a normal thing????) to make up for store losses. The commercialization of it just turned my stomach. I remember when making something for someone was the heartfelt gift. Now everyone thinks it's about how much money you spend.
Or did my distaste begin when I got married? Since then seems as though those laid back Christmases are gone. Now all we do is fight over whose side of whose family will it be this year. Ugh. Could be both. I just know every "C" is full of stress. It's best we just delete it from our calendar.
I actually like the holidays. But it's just my kids and me, and our holiday isn't much more than a traditional meal (Christmas is just cold cuts, cheese/crackers, cut up veggies/fruit and broccoli that we traditionally fight to the death over. Oh and cookies.) Maybe we play cards. But we're mostly doing our own stuff. I don't push "togetherness".
I have teens. Their holiday is sleeping in to noon. Mine is a cup of coffee and going in and watching them. If they wake up, I wordlessly sit down and massage a foot until they fall back to sleep again. (Teenage version of rubbing a baby's back.)