Hi everyone, my name is Verona and I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2018 after a 7 year relationship in which my partner was severely depressed.

During this time I was a target for emotional, verbal and physical abuse and I saw my partner in states that nobody should ever have to see anyone they love in. As a result of this I have forgotten huge chunks of my life, feel a constant sense of emptiness and have had other effects such as experiencing flashbacks, panic attacks, fainting from being overwhelmed and impulsive behavior.

One of my most typical coping mechanisms during the relationship and since then has been to somewhat "push through" everything that is going on, distract myself with anything else in my life (work, exercise, social events) and it means I have a history of burning myself out or working whilst being burnt out but continuing through it anyway because the alternative (completely collapsing and crashing) isn't an option.

I've been through all sorts of trauma herapy and I have incredibly supportive family and friends who know a portion of some of the reasons why I experience trauma but as this went on for years a lot of the behavior of my partner was normalised to just to me but also them so I struggle to know who knows what and I feel like a broken record telling people about my problems, even if I only scratch the surface.

I found this group because for the longest time I've just wanted someone to speak to when I feel as I do right now - on the verge of tears but with a raging headache because I can't cry. I can't stop what is going on in my head but I can try to write it to people, who may be able to relate without feeling burdened, in an attempt to help.

Thank you for reading. I look forward to speaking with anyone.