I don't know if mentioned in my reply to your previous post that when I was 12 my mentally ill mom suggested I commit suicide. Unlike your mom, she didn't try to kill me herself, though. That was my mentally ill dad. He not only tried to kill me, he tried to kill himself and the whole family at once.

Before the headquarters of his mission board back in the USA got wise and fired him as a missionary, he wanted to die as a martyr on the mission field. So driving our car into a flooded South American river on the way to speaking at a church fit the bill.

He failed, though, because a local farmer saved us by pulling our car with us in it out of the water with a rope tied to his tractor. Failing to kill us all by water, he tried by fire, too, so like the James Taylor song says, I've seen fire and I've seen rain.

He drove our car into a gun battle during the 6 year South American civil war we lived through, and a fighter hit our car with a Molotov cocktail that enveloped it with flames They burned the paint job, but didn't burn us inside the car, so that failed, too.

Forgive me if you've read me write about these incidents before, but that's why I come here, for the logotherapy. The more I write about it again and again the more I accept it as their mental illness and nothing I deserved. It nearly killed me and yet it had little to do with me, not then and not now. Taylor Swift is right, then.

Not everybody gets cool parents like the ones you see on tv sitcoms.

Alanon helped me most in getting past the extreme dysfunction of my own childhood. It helps me still in dealing with my middle aged, drug addicted son and my workaholic husband. There is Naranon, as well. For my support nickel, the two networks are quite similar. The only reason I favor the Alanon network is that it is the more developed network. It is easier to find an active Alanon group than an active Naranon group. I believe an addict is an addict. The drug of choice doesn't vary the equation much. My father drank. My mother ate. My son likes crack. Hubby likes work. They are all equals in emotionally availability, etc. The attraction to and willingness to argue with emotionally unavailable people is mine to own.

But that is me and every case is unique. Just sharing personal experience. I'm not much of an advice-giver.

Gentle support while you find what works for you, Kayla.

Thinking of you and Taylor Swift again today, kaylab.

Welcome Kaylab

Welcome Kaylab. I'm gonna have to keep my eyes on my own paper so to speak about the forgetting and forgiving stuff. The only thing I've found for myself is that as time goes on and I'm more honest/ genuine with myself and others about the things I've been through, and learn to speak up for myself a little more, then the threat of going back into the same or another bad situation seems to decrease, so does the threat of forgiving, or of forgetting (though I'm pretty sure I won't forget some of the stuff).

Wishing you peace along life's journey.

If your mother is an addict, then she obviously has her own demons to work thru, the same as you. While you are trying a different approach, hers is in using drugs to numb herself to the soul. Often we don’t stop to consider what our parents may have gone thru growing up. It could very well be that their past is no better than ours. In my own instance, I know this to be true from anecdotes told to me by my mother. We are all, everyone, a product of our environment. We as humans tend to repeat the same mistakes our parents made, going back in time. It is really up to each individual to recognize this and break the pattern with knowledge and courage to do things differently. It is important to forgive for trespasses that were really not intentional, but a learned behavior with no insight into a better way. Humans are imperfect, every single one.. Forgiveness releases so many emotions that dog us, keep us from moving forward in life as a more mature and understanding person. Therein lies the concept for forgiveness, it sets us free.

How's it today, kaylab?

Muji, I slept 12 hours I’m coming off a manic episode.. I’m okay.

I managed to shower and eat so!!