Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Long story short for thsoe who don't recall me/didn'tmeet me. My dad and sis started abusing me when I wa sso young that I can't say I have a "pre-trauma" life.
When I was 13 my dad was dx'd with something that might could eventually kill him if he wasn't smart. He wasn't. ELEVEN years of that disease running our life --- of him runing our lives --- he died. It was the entirely worst period of my life for so many reasons, most of which being his temper was worse, my mom was less available, and I couldn't leave her alone with that jackass so even if I wanted to ignore his dying, my mom needed a break once a week from that asshole, so ... yeah
A few yeas ago my mom is dx'd with brain stuff an dheart stuff more recently. She could die any day. Or in 20 years. It's excruciating.
As of yesterday, my hubby is diagnosed with something scary, which means his bone marrow's not okay, and even if it doessn't go to something cancerous (which is the case in that disease)? He's still got this bone marrow issue that is fucking around. Pradon my English.
And here I am, both living my worst nightmares *losing two pillars of my life --- Mom an dnow HUBBY*.... while reliving the nightmare shit years of my dad's decline.
I can't walk, talk, even get a cup of water without falling down dizzy from panic and PTSD emotiona-flashback-tsunamis.
They got Hubby in for bone marrow bipsy tomorrow, two weeks before earliest alleged scheduled.
I am falling apart, in crisis, whatever you call it, and I'm screaming and screaming inside but I have to be okay and I don't know how to stop feeling like my heart will race till I get sweaty-dizzy and pass out cold.
I've tried breathing, but...
PLEASE why is this happening to me why is my hubby in danger why why why can't I do this without the PTSD shit and my dad's bullshit coming up and watching a loved one with the slow decline and and and and and
Please someone tell me how to live like this b/c I have to and I don't know
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
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It hurts me to see you hurting like this! I have no words that could possibly help at this time. One thing my therapist tells me over and over again is that "I have skills". Which I guess I do? I don't know how to help. But I know that you are one strong person. You've helped me numerous times. I know you don't feel strong and you're screaming that you don't want to be strong anymore because you just don't know how. I totally understand! I'm there myself. But the fact remains is that you are strong and knowing that, believing in that might help you get through this rough time. I don't know if this helps you or not but, I am and have been praying for you and your family. If there is one thing I know it's that prayer works, maybe not on my timeline but on His. I can't imagine how much anguish you are going through! I'm so sorry! I wish I could hug the hurt out. Maybe try to do things that you like doing even if you don't feel like it, force yourself to and see if you still enjoy doing it. If so then you know what to do next time you get overwhelmed. I'm with you and I'm praying for you.