I'm not sure what it's done to relieve my distress, but I think helping others has made a big difference. Well, TRYING to help! Back in the day - 20 years ago, when I was still severely disturbed, I took another patient at the hospital under my wing. She was also severely disturbed - I thought 'she needs support from someone who understand that it's going to take a long time to get well.' And, boy, did I understand that!
So - for a good 8 months, she'd ring a few times a week, and talk out her disturbance. I was basically listening, caring, and urging her to stay in therapy.
After that, our relationship was less intense, but still there for years.
I was really off the planet myself, but I think this relationship really helped the other woman. It sure felt good for me.
It's like it gives my suffering purpose - to have the EXPERIENCE to be able to connect with another person in distress.
There's been other people since then, not as intense.
These days, I work in a nursing home, where I love caring for others.
I think it's also important to remember to spend some of my time focussing on myself, on my needs and taking care of myself. then - it's good to focus outward at times. One shift in a nursing home, I was so busy and so focussed on all the residents - I left feeling high with happiness.
Next year, or the year after, I'm hoping to become a lifeline counsellor! My current therapist thinks it's a bit too early for that. But I think I'd really enjoy it.

Do to my experiences I also feel it's easier to see distress in others. Many times it may parallel Something I have already experienced. Some will see the help being offered and be grateful, others can't see yet past the trauma or stressor. So I may not hear again from them for months when it settles in.

But always I give my best, especially when my empathic self is screaming to help them.

It's like that for me, many times stopping me from doing anything. A few questions and I can usually figure where they are in the feelings. Whether they are open to help or are still in the whirlpool too deep to reach. Then I need to pull back and wait. That actually hurts me.
Like knowing how to swim...but do you jump in a riptide to help?, knowing you can get caught yourself? Or give them info to swim to the side where you are safer to help bring them in. They may be exhausted from the fight but at the side you know your chances are better.

Over all most do bring a feeling of self worth. From being able to help. The few that don't are painful, but I could not feel good about myself, by just watching them drown. Usually I meet them later , then they tell me they were not ready to hear it yet. But it did sink in.

Some have to hit bottom to hear. Myself included on some things.

In my own herstory it has worked by

1) letting me absorb new thoughts and healing strategies and observe the results at whatever pace I could absorb. I could take what worked for me and felt no need to defend myself against the rest.

2) stabilizing new practices by watching fellow group members struggle similarities

3) reinforcing, fine-tuning and maintaining personal changes through continued sharing and/or passing them on.

FWIW The VA support groups I have attended are, hands down, my faves. US vets are pre-exposed to understanding the strength of diversity. Not so much the vets I have encountered from other countries.

yes, it helps

a) it shifts our perspective away from `self' onto `others', which is always healing. i think ptsd puts us into `self' far too often and far too deeply, which breeds the `poor me' mentality.

b) it shows us that we have some merit, and some use in this often-cold and selfish world

c) good deeds release endorphins, and promote a feeling of well-being. it just feels good to do nice things for people struggling.

Let's go back to my analogy about money -- deposits and withdrawals.

Many of us, I suspect, feel like our accounts are overdrawn -- at least, from time to time.

Whenever you find yourself in a position to be of service for another, in big ways or small, .... suddenly ... the ink in your checkbook doesn't look QUITE so read.

Meaning: you're doing better than you thought, or ... than you may have been at another time in your life.

I like/love/live to help people. Among the critical pieces of my identity that my abusers took from me is -- for the moment -- my ability to be there for friends/family/strangers in need.

And THAT hurt ... hurts pretty deep. It's a mirror in which I can see clearly ... all that I have lost.

CONVERSELY ... when you can and DO give ... it's a mirror in which you can see the (even if only slightly) healed person ... who just reached out to another, with caring, compassion, and kindness.

You said, and you know ... you can't help/save them all. But saving/helping 1+ .... is INFINITELY better than saving/helping none.

And saving/helping none is, itself, INFINITELY better than the soulless, heartless, sadists who hurt each and all of us.

Nice story, Muji. As always, thanks for sharing.

nellie, thanks for telling your story about the hospital. I did that back in 2000, when I myself was in the hospital. I made a friend in there and gave a little support even though I myself was in for good reasons myself. It helped me. Then I appreciate what you do with your nursing home work. I teach nurses, and in class I try to call on students I know work in nursing homes to share. Were all going to old ourselves some day. I dont think nursing home workers get enough credit.

jewells, I appreciated your mention of boundaries, as I took it anyway, by asking about whether to jump into a rip tide in the course of trying to help someone. Good point. I can only be a companion, not a savior, and in some instances not even that, as in I cant swim alongside someone in a rip tide. There are limits.

Mojo--missed you, my friend. Your endorphin statement is why I think I teach instead of doing something more lucrative for a living. Whether my students get careers out of what they learn or whether their lives are improved, by teaching I get that endorphin feeling once a week or so. Maybe Im addicted to teaching.

arfie, of your 3 points Im most intrigued by the third one. I think that continuity is what I was missing in my PTSD when I came here, and being here has offered that "continued sharing" and its benefits.

david, thanks for mentioning "mirroring" and what it does for us in acting out of empathy toward another person. I need that. It helps me look back at myself with the compassion shown toward another. With the effect trauma had on self-image, in PTSD recovery being kind to oneself takes intentionality.

lilly, its great to see a post being with "yes yes!" Its true, though, too, what you also say about boundaries. Finding a balance so as not to lose yourslf in others, either.

Finally, 51%, Im so glad you addressed the one person I couldnt help, the student with the allergies. It surprised me that her not getting the attention she sought from me for her allergies would lead to calling her mother and my boss after me. For you to say that her doing so spoke not so much of me as it spoke of her mother-daughter relationship around health issues means a lot coming from you and what youve taught here about MHbP.

It was good to come home from work to find these comments from one and all. Much appreciated. Today was a hard day at work because enrollment continues to be so low at the college. My boss and I discussed today how I may not have a future job at the college. Half my classes are full, but the other half of my classes have 10 students or less. 10 is the cut off point.

Im only in my third year at this college. I didnt think Id have to worry about looking for another job so soon. For that reason, to talk and think about helping others is a nice contrast to worrying about myself and my employment prospects. The rent needs to be paid, but in the long run at the end of my life Ill be more concerned about whether I made a contribution when I could.

I did for me. I volunteer for a place that provides mental health services by enabling people to help themselves, step by step. I worked 1 day a week for 4 hours in the finance dept filing and doing odd jobs. There was no stress, it forced me out and after a while I looked forward to going in. I was appreciated and started to feel it was a safe place. We need to be careful what we volunteer for and make sure it is right for us. The key is low stress, come in and go home, no drama, and you may have to force yourself to go in. There were a few days I did call in sick, because I just could not see people, but I really tried to get in everyday. I did this for over a year and felt good about giving back. Highly recommend giving it a try.

Tomorrow I have a lunch date with the Native seniors. I am finally of age. For 15 years I did a lot of this for them. Now I get to enjoy and visit, with the friends. The only thing that hurts about it is the empty chairs, of those that have walked on. But it feels good to see so many( about 50) still living and loving life.

CC, "enabling people to help themselves"

Now that's the good kind of "enabler".

Helping others does wonders. I'm not going to lie, and say that I thoroughly enjoy doing it. I'm a huge fan of Social Darwinism, and I think that the weak must die off. (I know, I'm evil.) Even if that means me. However, there's another side to me. There's always this other side that creeps up, when I'm least expecting it. It wants to reach out to others and help them. When I do end up helping or talking with someone who is in deep pain, I feel amazing. I feel like I actually have a purpose. It's unexplainable really.

" When I do end up helping or talking with someone who is in deep pain, I feel amazing."


Hold on to that Cat.
It sometimes is the only redeeming factor of this.

Exactly. That is why I am so grateful to have found this website. If I let the other side get to me, I'll just turn into this robotic monster. Apart of me wants that so I don't have to feel anymore. I need to remind myself though that I am human, and I am allowed to have feelings.

Helping helps.
Putting others in front of yourself helps as much as it is able to... there has got to be balance. But it does help.

Awesome to hear everybody's testimonials. I agree. For me I'd even say sometimes endorphines are involved that relieve my own pain physically. I don't want to exaggerate that, but for myself it does go beyond a warm fuzzy feeling, which is nice enough in and of itself.

Jewells, let us know how your visit with the native seniors went.

It was great. I started volunteering with the Indian center at 16. So these are long time people that know me. One Is also a teacher of my native ways for me, a female healer, my mom's age. Another headed the DHS and FIA part of state Government for year, now retire but still doing work with the Native American Health Institute out of Detroit. A couple college admins for financial and native studies. A former County Commissioner, just retired , now moving back to serve as tribal secretary.
So Many that have been resources and support over 40 years for me. Also for the work I did for the community to expend anxious energy.
It was great to be around that many who accept me as I am. Funny stories, updates and support. I found a new scholarship to help with my college, even this semester. So feeling pretty hopeful for my Art Therapy. My tribe will consider putting a program in place So I have a job, with housing in Petosky MI, if I want to move there. A lot in 2 1/2 hours. But feeling tired. Afterwards, so a couple hours drawing in the sun finished the afternoon.