Hello Dandilion,
when you say"I'm divorced and living alone for the first time in my life at age 52.

I'm scared to death" Can you name what you are afraid of?
I am a bit older and yes living alone besides my dog can be scary, especially the what ifs of it. What if I fal? what if my car breaks what if I have no income and can't afford a place to live?

Well those all happened and I am still here, much to my surprise.

Welcome, such as it is, you may find some help in others posts and also by interacting, either sharing or soothing another, but you will count here.
J.

Thanks so much for replying.

I just need some help. I'm so tired of suffering like this.

Thank you

Dandelion, I get the feeling that the divorce was not an equal decision. So what can you change, with in your control? what would you change if you had the control or more tools?
Sometimes listing what you feel good about in yourself is a start. Then what you want, and what would it take to achieve it.
I call this sorting, which I have to do almost all the time, to make steps.

I had problems with intimacy. It was a relief in that way to get divorced. Unfortunately, I also lost the stability of my home of 20 years.

I'm not sure what's in my control. I can be fine and then something will trigger me. I'm annoyed. I don't trust myself.

I will work on those questions tonight. I've taken a sleeping pill just to calm down.

I just can't stand the way I feel. It's like I go into fight or flight for no reason.

Thank you. I think I just felt very alone. A crisis line referred me to this website.

When I had serious issues with PTSD, panic attacks, and all that comes along with it, I went to see a therapist who specialized in PTSD therapy. One of the tools he gave me was being conscious and aware of my breathing.

It sounds like therapy is required in the highest order. That said, it must be understood that therapy will not "fix" things overnight, or even next month. Good, solid therapy will give you the tools to use, as well as the knowledge and ability regarding HOW to use these tools.

Therapy will enable YOU to fix YOU.

The good news is that, while therapy does not fix things overnight, it can get you on the track toward healing rather quickly. You will notice it. Being on that track will take the edge off, and that's when you begin to notice your own inner strength.

You have everything that it takes to work on this in you, RIGHT NOW. Therapy, with a good therapist, will help you unlock those tools and abilities, so that you can use them. In the end, you will grow and flourish as a person, and your fears will be little, nagging, inconsequential things that are at your feet.

Suicide is a long-term solution to a short-term problem. You get this one life, so why not try fixing it so that maybe you can enjoy it, before going after the ant with a hammer.

As someone who has suffered these things, I can say that YOU get better. The situation, or things, don't get better. YOU will get better at dealing with them, understanding those issues and yourself, and moving forward with a fruitful life.

Chatting about it here is fine, and support is good, but it won't be enough.

I spent years with a therapist. Obviously the wrong one.

I have no money for one nor do I have transportation, but I will certainly take advantage of an opportunity should I find one.

Thank you

I understand, as I've had wrong therapists, too.

I can also understand the money concern, as I have no job, money, or insurance, so I've had to work on things myself. I think it's not always optimal to try to fix ourselves, but I've been having some success with it, so I'll share some of what I learned from my solid PTSD therapist.

My issues were caused by an incident where I was carjacked. The guy put the gun to my head and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off right away. He got scared and fled, and the gun went off after he was in the van.

I didn't want to leave the house. I was afraid of everyone and everything. Just getting to the therapist was a Herculean effort on its own.

There were a few key things that we did at this therapist's office. They may or may not help in your situation, but maybe they'll be a good place to start, or a reference point to find something more relevant or helpful.

One of the things we did was talk about what happened. The method he employed here was more in line with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist [CBT]. We worked to be logical about the incident. How many people have I encountered in my lifetime? How many put a gun to my head? How often has this happened, overall?

Along with this, he also introduced self-awareness, or being present in-the-moment. Today, this is called MINDFULNESS. I won't waste space writing about it here, but I would encourage you to look into that.

Finally, we spent time focusing on breathing. When I would think about going outdoors, or encountering people, I would start breathing really fast and short. Other times, I would hold my breath completely. He taught me how this type of breathing puts my body in a state of panic, and how this can contribute to my panic attacks.

We sat in a peaceful environment, as he had me breathe in slowly through my nose, then out through my mouth. Near the end, I was averaging 1-2 deep breaths per minute.

It took work on my part, and wasn't overnight, but the tools were great.

1. CBT: Putting perspective on the situation[s] causing concern, and identifying patterns of thought.
2. Mindfulness: Generating awareness of the self.
3. Controlled Breathing: Being aware of my breathing patterns, and how they affect me.

There might be other advice here, or better advice, but do look into these things. There are books out there about these topics, as well as YouTube video creators who might have some helpful offerings.

Thank you for this information. I will definitely look into these things.

At least I feel like there is hope

Thank you

as long as your still breathing. There is still hope dear. Hope is everywhere. Seek it and it will come to you. There must be something to be grateful for everyday. Acknowledge those blessings and focus on them. Find people who will accompany you. reconnect with your friends and relatives.

Hi Dande. Welcome to the forum.

I wrote off my early therapists as incompetent, only to realize much later that I wasn't a very competent patient. What a shock to my system when I discovered that "Denial" is not just a river in North Africa. Healing is an inside job. I was wanting them to wave a magic cure wand over my head. Well. . . I still kinda wish for that one, but I am staying more proactive in my own therapy, just in case that wish doesn't come true.

Welcome to DS, Dande. Hope you find many extra rations of hope here.

Hi, Dande. So sorry for what you're going through. Folks here know what it's like. I'm twice divorced and didn't live along until I was 52 in 2010. I'd been diagnosed with PTSD since 1995, but hadn't found the right therapist until 2007, after 12 years with the wrong ones.

That therapist in 2007 changed everything for the better with my PTSD, so I was ready for living alone in 2010. But then I collapsed from a new illness, kidney disease in 2011. Because medications pass through our kidneys, they took all of my PTSD meds away, so it was back to square one.

Desperate, I came here in 2012 and I've been here ever since. My kidney disease will never be cured, but it halted this year so I can take at least one PTSD medication, Prazosin for nightmares. That really helps me, and so does coming here every day.

I'm just a patient so I can't say what worked for me will work for you or anybody else. But I just wanted for you to know that you're not alone. Much support to you.

I have struggled with depression for many years of my life. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. I finally found that it was a combination of medication, therapy, and exercise that was needed to pull me through it. When I just took the meds or just did the therapy, the depression still hung over me like a giant cloud that I couldn't seem to get out from under. Walking those sweet dogs of yours is not only good for them, but is also a natural way to raise your dopamine levels which is good for lifting your spirits and improving your mood. Have you tried a combination of these different remedies as opposed to just one or the other?