"I Guess No Matter How Hard You Try, You Can't Escape Your Past." -Joel (TLOU2)

I'll be upfront with what my problem is; I'm struggling to cope with my feelings towards my past abuse (Physically, Emotionally, and Religiously) from my father who I really trusted, I've had a lot of time where I've just repressed those feelings but lately they've really come back with a vengeance due to current events within my family. I immensely fear the potential of being hurt like I was before, and I feel like nobody in my family understands how terrified I am of being hurt again.

When I was little just after "the end of my abuse" my mother decided that I needed therapy to be able to move past it, which because I was so young I didn't quite understand why I was leaving school to talk to a female therapist every week. Back then I felt muted or numb, like I didn't have feelings because honestly I didn't know what to feel after what I had been through.

Now that I'm older and I've seen the dark and unfortunate side of life at a young age, I can see what some people would call "red flags" something you would look out for and this current year I've seen these red flags, that my therapist had pointed out to me, in my own family, and the more I think about it the more my past comes back to terrorize me and it's gotten to the point where I don't feel comfortable or safe to be around my family member or their soon to be spouse but I also want my family member to be happy with who they've chosen to marry.

I have some trust issues that I still am working on, because as I said previously I really trusted someone who I thought I knew. 

And because of these trust issues, I get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety towards certain individuals who remind me of my father.

The reason I'm telling y'all this, is because I want support or at least an opinion on how I should approach my issues.