Gentlest warm welcome and greetings, with a very big validation of how you feel. Finding this group three years ago really has been enormously helpful to me, as to others, because here? You have PTSD? You are home here. Safe. Say whateber, whenever, however. We're survivors here. We all have triggers we think are strange, and have learned to put on the Smiley Mask against the world, and felt like we can't breathe.
I had a memory breakthrough flood hit me in May 2013, and only here di people understand why that laid me flat, left me incoherent, breathless, etc.... I needed meds to stop thephysical effects, and still go to therapy twice a week. ANd come here just about daily b/c here?
We all understand what it is to be the butterfly whose wings can't fly.
FF is Feeling Fragile
PNA is please no advice (that can trigger some of us)
TW is trigger warning

Welcome to the Safe Place.

Welcome to the group!! I know how you feel, in fact you will find that there are many of us who do. The warmest and gentlest of hugs to you. You have found a safe place to be. I'm a precious butterfly who is learning that it's okay to fly! One day at a time. Welcome, you are among friends!!

Welcome, butterfly. None of us can ever know how we might have flown without those damaging touches to our proverbial wings, but we are finding the courage to *fly* with what we have. Hope you feel safe to fly with us. You don't need to navigate this alone.

Welcome to the forum.

I really do appreciate the warm welcomes. usually i put things in my journal that i have on my phone. but im literally at my last point. Ive reached out. and it only left me regretting and making promises that i would never reach out again. i have no outlet. and im surrounded by people who would rather guess what im feeling and blame me when they are wrong. I get triggered everywhere i go. from childhood, military, relationships. i stay home. and im comfortable. but everyone in my home always asks "are you ok" and that in itself just puts me off. Im watching tv. or drawing. they walk around with their faces long and have attitudes all day long. I dont say a word to them. in fact im always trying to be playful and cheer everyone up. but the second i get a diffrent look on my face other than a smile. im being put down and told its all about me, and i take up everyones time. and they work 24/7 to keep me happy. truth is. im alone 3/4 of the day. when they get home. I am hugging, smiling, asking how everyones day was. do i get it back? no. then they all depart to their rooms leaving me alone. again. and when i go in my room. im getting texts and people just barging in saying are you ok. this is just my current situation. what caused my ptsd ... its all stored inside

Hello
I force myself to put on a mask of confidence and control everyday at work. I've managed to convince many people that I'm good at my job. They don't see the anxiety I feel inside. I also have gotten good at hiding during the times I break down and cry. Now that my son is older he can tell when I'm hurting. It confuses him because he can't see an immediate cause for my PTSD issues.
I hope you are able to find some insights here as I have.

butterfly, i can so relate to when said that everyone around you asks, with their faces long - in my mind i added in looking concerned - are you ok? and to me, the sincerity was so real, but i KNEW my answer HAD to be, of course, i'm fine, and so convincing too. it was my part that i had to play and play well or everyone would ever so disappointed.

but i had PTSD!!! i didn't know it then though. that was just how it was in my family - we had to be fine, you had to be fine, that was our line and we knew it. so much more, but that rings a bell for me big time.
you can talk about things here with us, this is a perfect place to be real. sometimes it takes practice to be real, it has for me. i don't know how.
i am so glad you found here - here is a good place and you will find people to talk with. hugs, welcome

i don't know if this will help now? one of us shared it and i saved in my journal.
mlro853 shared it - here it is, an article, 21 reactions to trauma
they suggest people may like to share it with people to help them understand us... i don't know

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/think-act-be/201609/21-common-reactions-trauma

A popular cliche in my own therapy network is, "Don't go to a hardware store for bread." It means that you can't expect people to give what they ain't got to give.

My mental health issues are not a secret, but I don't share them indiscriminately, either. I don't EXPECT most people to understand and change the subject as quickly as possible when they start flaunting their ignorance.

I carry my need for understanding to the very special folks in my therapy support network. DS is part of that support network. Just a part, though. As great as this community is, it takes a network to handle all my symptoms within all the extraordinary circumstances life keeps throwing at me.

I'm not ok. I'm ready to push everyone that I love as far as I can so I can be alone

Gentle support.... I've always been the one who 'kept it sunny', so if I wasn't Miz Wonder WOman? Oh geez, end of the world. Turns out my family (my dad's, actually) was telling me all that b/c 1. they had unresolved psych issues ranging from PTSD, drugs, to who knows what-all, and 2. they are basically vampires, demanding everyone (me) be what they want, but not doing a da*n thing to make anything better or ... Well, I'm sure you know.
It's okay to allocate some time to isolate yourself. Just making sure you're given some "time off" from the scowly-growly put-downs. I used to vanish into the woods by the family farm, that kinda thing.
As Arfie said, real-life support is invaluable. My mom's brother, my hubby, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, my BFFs, hae all been amazingly supportive and there when/as needed, and Hubby even participates in some of my PTSD therapy sessoins so he knows better how it "works" and how to help me.

So I'm blessed. But it took time. Just don't give up hope, okay?

maybe you will have to tell them that - i don't know, it might be something that you say out loud. or yell even.

sometimes it comes to that point and a person has to do that. yell it, or say it - i am not ok.

maybe you need to do that. or go to the dr. - tell someone, hey! dang it, i'm not ok and i need help - take me to the dr. or the hospital - this is a big problem, i am not ok and i need help right now.

this is serious stuff, you matter. you may take yourself to the hospital and i am flat serious right now butterfly. if you feel scared you may need to take yourself there.

the people you care about, you can let them know or not let them know, but get yourself safe first. then decide those decisions.

you are worth taking care of, your wings can fix back up pretty good, it is surprising how well they fix up, hugs

Welcome and you're in the right place for support. I too wear a mask for everybody and get upset when everybody comes home and dumps all of their problems on me. I just can't take and just want to be alone too but have that dangerous because of suicidal ideation. Sorry for what brings you here. We're here to listen.

Hi and Welcome butterfly... This is a great group of folks... I'm glad you found us....xo

I have sworn to myself. I will end my life one day. I'm looking for help because I am serious. I'm a veteran. I've gone to everyone I know and they send me to someone else. I'm slowly but surely changing and shutting down

Butterfly: You are beautiful, do you know how a butterfly comes to life, similar to when your mother was pregnant. Your work will not be easy, to re-birth yourself from the chrysalis.
Be to yourself what you want from others, you do deserve happiness. I found alanon to be very supportive and learned many tools to protect myself, not to mention the wonderful supportive people 'in the flesh'. Be well.
http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=life+cycle+of+a+butterfly+video&view=detail&mid=64B573EAB128062AE26F64B573EAB128062AE26F&FORM=VIRE

So sorry for the tragedy that brought you here, but I'm glad you found us. I'm a combat veteran, but because I was a civilian and a child when I survived 6 years of war, it was difficult for me to find a place to heal. Welcome, this is a healing place.