Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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Muskoka007 07/20/2017

I am feeling overwhelmed right now. My husband and I have been in marriage counselling with 2 different counsellors in 3 years. As with the last he brings up he doesn't believe my abuse story that had emerged during one of our earlier sessions. It had been hidden in my brain for almost 50 years so I have had a lot of adjustments dealing with these memories.

My Mom did not believe me when I told her with my limited english at 20 months old. Over the years I have had weird flash backs and odd feelings which she denied, except for the fact they found the boarder in my room and kicked him out. He lived with us for 2 years, my Mom is a narcissits and she just did not want to deal with it. Plus it gave her time for herself while my sister and I endured a crazy violent man.

So this of course triggers me that I married someone who patterns my Mom's behaviour. My last marriage counsellor told me that it was unhealthy for me to remian in the marriage if he doesn't change. He said this is critical point in my life of what happened to me. So here we are again with the new counsellor and the same story. I was so triggered last week that I do not have any memory of driving 2 hours to my cottage. My last week was awful and trying to work, dealing with feeling dysregulated all week

feeling lost

LillyPotter 07/20/2017

i'm so sorry, Musk.

donnawanda 07/20/2017

I am also very sorry.

Muskoka007 07/20/2017

Thanks

Muskoka007 07/20/2017

I am just super scared as this is so close to my old pattern and my Mom would tell me to go with the abuser and that he was nice, I had a horrible flash back this week in marriage counselling of my Mom just going back to reading her magazine as she encouraged me to go upstairs holding my abusers hand. I have somehow linked not being believed with the threat of dying. It is deep in my core.

freefalling 07/20/2017

it is good that you realize that it is getting back to your "old" pattern. Being able to see that in it's self is important. It is also good that you are aware of your triggers. I am sorry that you have been dysregulated all week. I will be thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.

mujicaptsd 07/21/2017

I'm a repeater of patterns, too, Musk, don't beat yourself up. What counts is when we stop repeating them, and I have. If I can, you can, too. It is very disorienting at first, though, because we repeat patterns because they're familiar, they're what we know. Much support to you one day at a time.

arfie 07/21/2017

I am pretty convinced that repeating patterns is Nature's most recurring theme, second to none. Not even the most cultured and strong-willed of humans get to bypass their hard-wired Nature, up to and including the developmental nurturing.

The question in my own strictly personal, just-a-patient logic is, "What do I do with it?" Which parts do I work on and which parts do I simply accept?

Continued support while you sort your own, Musk. Hope healing happens here.

Muskoka007 07/21/2017

I am sure I do many repeat patterns and you are all right it is comfortable even if it is harmful and dysfunctional. However, I feel when we see it, that helps for change. It is just very raw and feels like the old wound is being reopened. I am trying to move through the sadness, knowing that most of it is when I was a wee one. It doesn't help that I am, in the summer, beside my parents place and see my evil mother more. We don't talk much as I have nothing to say to her. Please send me prayers to sort through this

Stopblamingme 07/21/2017

I am not sure who doesn't believe you, your counselor or your husband?

I guess either way it's damaging. Both should be in your side.

I remembered my abuse 30 years after. It happens. Why it happens so many years after I don't know. I hate that talking about years later makes ppl doubt what you are saying.

It's a survival technique. It's not always realistic to talk in the moment especially if you a so young.

SunCloudJD 07/21/2017

Gentle hug for you sweetie.... There is such a huge stigma with psych and so much ignorance it gets really frustrating at times......xo

Leo 07/21/2017

Survival often meant "don't mention it, and believe them when they tell you it never happened", for me. Lzter, when that no longer worked, and it was admit-or-die?... I figured I'd die from admitting it, too. Being disbelieved hits me hard.... Puma purrs.

LillyPotter 07/21/2017

Musk, can you try to picture us around you, comforting you and knowing that we believe you. we know it happened as you remember it.

this has helped me more than anything has my whole life - this family here, accepting me, knowing me - i think, being my witness. the reality(ies) we have survived and now are overcoming together, help us to become stronger together.

it does hit hard when the - wanna make us crazy people in our lives do things like this to us, instead of holding us up and standing up with us. they are some kind of sick that we don't need to understand, we can't help them and they will hurt us if we let them.

i'm right here, with you.

Muskoka007 07/21/2017

Thanks everyone, Stop it is my husband who doesn't believe me, all my therapist have believed me and the doctors, friends too. Thanks for sharing about you remembering later on in life too, it is comforting. Thanks SC, Leo and LP for your support and to know I have you all here too. This whole thing makes me feel so awful that the husband I love is not even a friend to me let alone spouse. Just feel alone and sad about it

Muskoka007 07/21/2017

Just a brain fart, I wonder why he does this? Is it to put me down? Or he doesn't want to deal with reality? Is it because it affects his denial of his life? Just confused

donnawanda 07/21/2017

If you want my guess .... Based on his behavior around your support dog, I would guess he doesn't want to acknowledge your pain, your need, anything that requires any generosity on his part - perhaps due to his own deep feelings of deprivation or entitlement?

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