Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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sadalonehurt154 08/27/2017

I haven't been on here in a while. I am sorry for that, but I am selfish. It's not like any one benefits from me being here. I never actually helped any one from here. I am only back because I wasn't sure where else to turn. Which is even more selfish why should I expect help when I'm not willing to help others. I don't deserve it. It's like I said tho I'm selfish so im here to talk about how much I hate myself. The only thing that makes me feel normal and worth the life I have is him. Then I realize how messed up that is and can't help but think of course you would love him because you are messed up and this is what you deserve. I can't figure out how to do anything right. My grades keep slipping can't do school. The house is never up to moms standards can't clean right. Dinners never on time. I'm just a lazy selfish person. If I could just get one thing right just one thing maybe he wouldn't be so mad all the time. I am so ashamed because I am mad and afrade of the only person who will ever love me. I rambled and I'm so sorry.

arfie 08/27/2017

I hope selfishness is allowed and even encouraged here. It is part of my therapy and I've heard that therapy is most effective when it is for the patient's benefit. Doing therapy for somebody else's benefit requires a license and/or certification.

Still. . . That bit about being willing to help others is valuable therapy, too. If nothing else, showing compassion for other people's pain helps me be more gentle with my own pain and confusion. Practice, practice, practice?

Rambling is allowed, too. I hope. . . It helps with the sorting.

sadalonehurt154 08/27/2017

Thanks you, you made me laugh and I appreciate you making me feel better. I know it will only last an hour or so till he wakes up but I appreciate it none the less.

Lonestar 08/27/2017

Here's the thing - you are trying hard to make him happy. You think you can't get one thing right? What does he do to make you happy? It's a two way street. If he thinks meals are late- why doesn't he offer to help out. Cleaning the house should be shared. I took over everything myself too. It wasn't appreciated. No comment of appreciation or support. It sound like you love him- but him loving you and being there for you without criticizing you is important too. I think while we are always trying we forget we deserve to have them try too. Keep working on being good to yourself - if he has a problem with that then it's not going to work out unless you turn into a doormat . Don't do it.

Rizen 08/27/2017

i'm glad to see you're back. you're not selfish and shouldn't live in fear. it would be good to talk to your school councilor about these things. you can always post here when you need support too.

Leo 08/27/2017

Not ot put too fine a point on it: Ah, I know that song and dance. It's why I have PTSD> Never enough, never right, never never never okay, not me, not my actions, not my existence.... From birth onward, fear.

You don[t hvae to help anyone here to be welcome here. This is for support, given and taken, no one here keeps tally, okay?

extraterrestrialone 08/27/2017

personally i want you to be selfish. the truly selfish are actually the most caring. i find that a benefit.

donnawanda 08/27/2017

You are a kid - how is it your job to keep house perfectly and cook all the meals, as well as bring home stellar grades while providing your stepfather with something that should be between husband and wife? Teenagers are generally selfish because they are preoccupied with discovering and defining themselves. But you seem to be more of an all-purpose slave, and I can hardly consider that selfish.

He is not the only person who will ever love you. Did he tell you that? Love is abundant in this world, and the only reason you believe you don't deserve it is because you are being abused by the people who are supposed to love and protect you. But that can change. Many here, including myself, have been hurt, abused and rejected by those who were expected to love and protect us - yet grew up, got help, and found love. You can too.

LillyPotter 08/27/2017

that's what here is for. it makes me glad to see you back and talking about things. i know you need to, to get things written down in aplace where you can see them, see what is real and true and come back and read them again.

also important is having us here. people who do care about you and who understand what you've been through, are going thru now. we care about your safety - we want you safe. i believe that means getting out of there somehow.

i also believe you will come to that decision yourself. when you are ready. meanwhile - we are here. this is the place to come and write about what's going on, how you are, how you are feeling/thinking : )

sadalonehurt154 08/28/2017

Thank you guys, it means a lot that I can have a place like this. A place to go and share and talk about things and everyone isn't mad at me for wasting the space or your time. I promise I'm trying to read other people's things most of the time I'm just not sure what to say, I don't want to say anything wrong so I don't say anything at all.

I want to get out and I have found ways I'm scared mostly. Me being selfish again but I don't want it to backfire. The things I have heard about the system and streets. At least I have clothes and food. And what if when I tell someone they only take me? Then my little sisters would be alone with him and I have always made sure he never goes near them. I can't leave them. I have seen the way he looks at them, the comments he makes. Nope as long as they are safe and Happy I am just fine where I am.

donnawanda 08/28/2017

Do you know for sure that he's not already abusing your sisters? I'm not suggesting he is. I just wonder if you should ask them.

sadalonehurt154 08/28/2017

I talked to them about it sort of my youngest sister is only 4 but that's a year older than I was when he started with me. So I talked to her about things that are okay and things that sometimes happen but shouldn't she seemed like she understood and I told her that no matter what anyone else says she can always talk to me and tell me anything. She said she didn't have anything to tell me.. my other sister is a little older so I had sort of the same talk with her. But then I asked her if anyone had ever done anything like that to her or anything that just didn't feel right. She said no and I made sure to ask her again and say if anyone in our family had ever done anything like that and she said eww no. That was probably the best moment in the world!

Rizen 08/28/2017

Are your sisters his kids? That might make a difference.

Just know that it's not normal nor right for him to treat you like that. That's why he doesn't want you to see your friend anymore. Don't let anyone else, like a boy friend treat you badly either. If you need help there are always people you can talk to and ask questions. Like your school councilor, here and on these sites:
https://support.dailystrength.org/hc/en-us/articles/207430776-What-if-I-need-emergency-help-
ask someone in the rape and domestic abuse category if you're worried about being separated from your sisters. They can tell you what would happen.

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