total empathy, winter. yes, sometimes life sucks like an industrial hoover. triple yes to the difficulty of forgiveness.

in my own studies of forgiveness, i started small and am working my way up. i started with forgiving the morons on the road for not listening to the driving lessons i was shouting through my windshield. then i learned to forgive myself for being moronic enough to believe they could hear me through my windshield and their closed windows. etc., etc., through the kaleidoscope of yaddahs that need forgiving in our crazy world and my own crazy head. it turns out that forgiveness is much more complicated than performing priestly gesticulations.

i still haven't worked my way up to forgiving the perps who victimized me, but? ? ? works in progress. i'm taking the process in small steps.

but that is me and every case is unique.
steadying support while you find what works for you.

Take it as it comes. Some days, you'll feel closer to letting that stuff go than you will on other days. I still have days where mya cceptance ("I can't fix it, so don't waste my life on it") becomes anger all over again...

Hugs.

Winter:

I hope this offers hope to you. The hardest part for me was forgiving myself for my spouse’s betrayal/behavior. I married with full conviction he was the one for me and I was the one for him.

Ultimately no one has power over us unless we allow. What helps is knowing God is the one who forgives me and holds the same authority to forgive my opponent.

But ultimately happiness is an all time goal and choice for me with God because I know he never fails he is always right.

And God knows I’m stubborn about being in the right and having the right of way.

I hope you can find your peace again and begin to heal. Sorry you feel so uncomfortable at this time with your life.

confessionsofaqueen: I do not forgive myself for being sick. After I got sick and came home, it felt like when things happened, it was my fault. I've felt everything that happened is my fault. I've been hearing so many negative stuff. I try to stay focus on times when things were not stressful and intense like it is today.

Big hug Winter

I have struggled with this in the past and I still do at times

I can feel that forgiveness has happened but anger can seep back in

I worked hard onthis because those who I didn't forgive took up way to much space in my head as well forgiveness for myself is something I prayed for

It can sure be a work in progress

SunCloud,

I usually forgive and forget what had happened. I am a type of person who do not carry a grudge but this has been going on too long and it had ruined our lives here at home. Here at home there used to be a lot more laughter and smiles. I spoke about this before, I never had to stay in the hospital because of a seizure. After having one, I would lay on the bed at the hospital for a least an hour or two, a nurse would come and ask me to walk up and down the hall. If I did a good job, I would be sent home. Here at home I would feel the same as before, no change, I would listen to music as if nothing happened. Today, when I had to stay in the hospital, it made me wonder if there was more wrong with me. When I came home, I felt lost. I was caught up on many things, the day was beginning to be great, I was beginning to enjoy life; but the day I had the seizure, I was singing on the cot, I swung my right arm which right now it would feel strange like if a leg or foot fall off to sleep. I felt overwhelmed before the seizure; I do not drink soda because it would effect my nerves. I drink mostly water, juice, or milk. I always make sure I take my medicine on the same time because I never stayed on time when it was time for me to take them. There were times I did not take them at all, or did not take them at all. When my a relative told me that they do not take their medicine at all, that made me wonder how did they do that?

I try to do things to keep my mind focused.

I do apologize for being difficult.

Forgiving someone who hurt you can be hard. A lot of people think it means that you're letting the bad guy get away with the damage they caused. But forgiveness isn't for them, it is for yourself. The sooner you can let go, the sooner you will be free to live your life to the fullest.....and the sooner you will be yourself again.

Something I learned a long time ago is that the people who hurt me don't look back and think about their mistakes or how many other people they hurt. They just carry on with their lives because my pain has no bearing on their lives. Meanwhile I am stuck in a world of hurt unable to move on.

But then i learned, too, that my God is a Just God. And that the evil doers of this world will have to face Him for what they did. And the justice that He brings upon them is not my business nor my problem. That God wants me to give it to Him, to go live my life because He'll deal with them.

I have a hard time forgiving my ex husband for his alcoholism. For blaming me for his drinking, even though he started it long before we met. His sabotage of everything good in my life. His narcissistic abuse, manipulation, neglect, mind games, gas lighting, his constant put downs, and all his toxicity.

I felt like a dumb@ss for marrying a guy who treated me like he utterly dispised me, that he treated me with utter hatred. So one day I woke up and realized that I could not fix him, his drinking or the marriage. I told God, "This guy is YOUR problem now. I am DONE." And I left (and divorced him).

Forgiveness is a process. Often in little pieces at a time. Sometimes I still feel the anger and hurt. But other days I wake up happy as hell to be free from him. Like a freed prisoner after doing 10 yrs of hard time. I have taken back all the old hobbies I used to love. I cook all my favorite foods once again. I hang out with my family whenever I feel like it. I am MYSELF again.

Whether or not that man ends up drinking himself to death....or whether or not he dies a miserable lonely old man, is not my problem. My job is to live my life and do what makes me happy. The rest is between God and the bad guys.

I don't know if anything I said helps your situation. But I pray you find healing. I pray you can enjoy life once again. Hang in there because there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I use to show my emotional anger, and I feel my mom may have thought it was directed at her BUT it was my anxiety of her illnesses (and my feeling of helplessness). I say live your life to the fullest. Embrace each day!!! I'm not advising throwing care/caution to the wind. BUT my husband had 3 clean colonoscopies and died of colon cancer, because the cancer was growing on the outside of his appendix. Chose life and living to the best of your ability dear. xoxo

I give myself credit for my actions and lack thereof as forgiveness, I don't just look at my feelings, Winter. Having lived as a kid through 6 years of close combat in a civil war as a missionary kid abroad, day after day unforgivable violent acts happened all around me AND to me as the adults around me lost their minds and their morals.

I had a right to feel anger about that. My forgiveness, though, was that I didn't turn around and throw a brick through their living room window, I didn't take a hammer to their car's windshield, etc. etc. I know it sounds silly now, but with how my street was crazy as the center of the war's fighting, it was very real restraint at the time. It worked for me. Something like that may work for you, too, so you can see what forgiveness you've already put in place before you're too hard on yourself for how you feel. Sending support.

I thank all of you for kind words. Yes, they helped me a lot. I like the support I had received from you all. It gave me something to think about.

You betcha, Winter.

You're not difficult sweetie
You're doscussing how you're feeling

Forgiveness can be hard

I try to talk to myself when I'm in the middle of the struggle and remind myself that forgiveness is for me
To help me to heal

I also just made a choice that I was going to forgive

BUT that doesn't mean that I had 'feelings' of forgiveness because I didn't
That to quite a while to come

Im sorry that you've had to suffer so much

Big hug..xo

Winter,
Forgiveness is hard, especially the ones we feel that don't deserve it.

But, I think we have to try......And maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, But someday we can forgive those who wronged us.

I agree with Leo, There good days and bad, Somedays my Anxiety is So bad, it feels like it's actually happening.........But, Like confessionsofaqueen and bluesky said.....toss all Your cares to God, and let him handle it.

Sending you support for today and being good to yourself, Winter.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time and feeling the weight of the pain caused by those who hurt you. It's completely understandable that forgiving them feels incredibly challenging right now. Acknowledging and expressing your feelings is important, so talking about them is a positive step.
While forgiveness may seem daunting, it's worth considering the possibility of letting go of the negative emotions that are holding you back. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting or condoning what happened; it means freeing yourself from resentment.
During my search for resources that could assist you in your journey, I stumbled upon an article that specifically addresses how to forgive someone who has caused emotional pain. I believe it could provide some valuable insights and strategies for you. Here's the link: https://yourmentalhealthpal.com/how-to-forgive-someone-who-has-emotionally-hurt-you/
Remember, healing takes time, and taking things at your own pace is okay. Allow yourself to grieve and seek support from loved ones or professionals who can provide guidance and understanding. You don't have to go through this alone.