Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I sort of posted about this in the fibro group too but I figured here was more approriate and more in detail...
My husband has made some callous comments that only lead to huge arguments, but I'll get back to that in a sec.
My mom recently moved back in with us (from another state) and she's been having a h*ll of a time getting her medicare and SS updated. They've managed to screw up her address and assumed she was "homeless" then asked for proof that she lived with someone, sent her flying off the handle... Then someone managed to screw up her date of birth. She's been trying to fix this stuff for 3 weeks now. Meanwhile her meds are running low and need refills. She's flipped out a lot and flipped out at me too.... I've had to call crisis hot line on her to come out and help. Earlier this week the power on our street was turned off for for half a day for some routine mantainence when we had lots of emails, faxing, scanning to do for her and she had a meltdown. It's been quite stressful for me. Every chance I get, I try to get some ME time to recharge.
Anyway, back to the point of my post here....
I had a talk about PTSD with my husband last night because I didn't appreciate what he said multiple times about both my mom and about me. He said no matter how wonderful life is you (or she, when referring to her) "choose" to be unhappy. And that there's no reason to be upset when there's nothing going on. So we end up in these drawn out arguments every time.
My mom was abused growing up, and then her mom (grandma) killed herself and it was mom who walked in to find her lifeless body w/ a gunshot wound in her chest, blood everywhere. Then mom married an abuser and got trapped in a Muslim country basically a prisoner w/o any rights. No right to a drivers license or employment. No right to leave the house w/o an escort. No right to leave the country w/o my father's permission (till we were rescued), etc.
And I lived through that stuff overseas too. And then when I was in the Marines I was assaulted more than once by my own fellow Marines. And my chain of command stuck up for the bad guys and punished me "How dare you accuse this honorable Marine!". That part was actually more traumatizing than the assaults themselves. It leaves you feeling like you can never trust anyone ever again.
I know it was years ago, but for people w/ PTSD, the pain often feels like it was just yesterday. So please don't treat her or me like that and try to have compassion and patience. Please know that it may be a good day for you and life may feel wonderful for *you*, but the person with PTSD is hurting and trying to do their very best -is what I told him. I told him I feel sorry for him that it seems like all he has to do is deal with is a miserable person (and now my mother too).
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
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Welcome to the Perseid meteor showers, the "biggies" usually every year. (The Leonids beat 'em one year IMHO).AND today much of the northern hemisphere will see 5 to 99% solar eclipse. How cool is that? Your best bet is to be in the UK or norhtern Spain, where totality is excellent before sundown. Me, I'll get a super duper tiny itty bitty slice of it, so little that it won't be noticeable. New...
He did say something nice after my "lecture" and tried to compliment me... but I know how flip-flop he is, so it's hard to tell what to take seriously. Does he think I'm miserable or am I doing a good job handling my PTSD, which one? Sigh.
May the communication trend continue.
But like Leo said, I guess I have to take into consideration the source of these comments... that he drinks and denies having a problem. Not that he's drunk 24/7, but he does make alcohol part of his daily routine and I don't find that normal, OK, or healthy. Even if he does not miss work or any other activities. I'm tired of people trying to convince me that if he's able to carry on with life, then there's no problem.
I'm a survivor of brutal domestic violence, my ex tried to kill me, I escaped & he came back a couple times after that to try to finish the job. Been stalked & had to relocate & sometimes (I still get scared if he'll ever find me & I don't even know) one of the last times I escaped from him I ended up getting my head smashed into a curb, & ever since then get severe post concussion migraines for years & years, amongst other problems w/ my neck & stuff.
Tried to get with a guy for a short bit like 6 months ago, he was "functional" had a job & everything but a drinker. I confided in him & told him my story & he knew about my migraines, health problems...ect. Then once I started seeing him for a little while he would say things that made me so upset, "oh you shouldn't 'let' your past affect you" when I was in pain "don't be so negative" I'm honestly not a negative person so his lack of empathy or understanding or not being able to see me powering through this floored me! One night I was having such a bad migraine that I couldn't sleep so, I got up & went in the other room on the other side of my apartment took a migraine medication and tried to calm myself down by making a little tea & turning down the lights putting the tv on low enough to not hurt my head but maybe try to distract me from the pain that was keeping me awake while God willing the migraine med works (some times it does sometimes it doesn't) When he woke up he came into my room & was like "what are you doing?" I explained to him w/ the migraine & everything & he was like oh God are you kidding me? What's wrong with you ? Do you want to feel this way? I was so hurt and I don't even know. I'm not able to be w/ anyone rite now in my life I'm too scared of people.
I so know that feeling when you're trying soo hard & someone's soo not getting it. I'm sorry you have to feel that. You are very kind & very strong. I always read what you write on the fibro board & you're very good to your Mom & I think that's really cool. I hope you get a much needed break of some peace moving forward that you deserve. Sorry if I went on w/ my post I just wanted you to know if anything there's someone out there that can relate.
You're a peaceful warrior :)
I'm sending you a gentle hug
What you said scares me, because I hope to God we end up alright... I don't want to be part of the statistics whose marriage didn't "make it".... Because of PTSD, chronic pain, alcoholism, and whatever else thrown in there. So far I'm working on trying to convince him to agree to return to marriage counseling (we did some back in Jan - Feb)... But all the counselor did was point out that my PTSD is "hard on the marriage" and felt sympathetic towards my husband. Pfffftt. I don't like counselors who start swaying in favor of one party or the other. They should remain neutral. Anyway, he hasn't wanted to return since.
Muji, thank you for the support. A break? I wish! But I'm not sure life works that way... Paul prayed for God to remove the thorn from his side, but the Lord instead gave him strength to bear it.
LilMissy, thanks so much for sharing. I can relate to some of that too. Not that my husband or an ex tried to do anything... HOWEVER my estranged father hired an ex-con when I was in 6th grade who took me out of class, kidnapped me, and we're not sure what his exact plans were, but it may have involved a gang rape and then killing me. I was able to fight him off get away from him before that happened. My mom fired him (he worked for the family), but my father hired him back! Blamed me and said it was y fault for "seducing him". When my father went out of town, she fired him again and told him if he came back on the property , she'd kill him. I remember seeing him lurk around on the outskirts of our place, around the streets, etc. It was so scary. Anyway, I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out and he doesn't care when you have a migraine. THose are horrible. Take care of yourself and keep in good company. God bless.
So sorry for what you are going through; I've never been there, so I can only imagine how much more difficult and challenging PTSD makes all that you have to deal with in your daily life. Also, I apologize to you on behalf of all the men who abused you, and who stood against you when they should have stood by you. We, men can sometimes be insensitive; especially when we haven’t been taught better. It seems that’s what happening in your marriage, as far as I can tell from your post. Your husband might not know better; and some education/understanding of the effect of PTSD on a person, and how to help one who experiences it might be necessary. I don’t know of the top of my head how to go about that, but you can google some resources perhaps.