Him seeing a therapist, that he likes, is a good idea. It's important to have firm boundaries and nip things in the bud, like him blocking you. Be supportive of the good. If he gets on a touretts medicine watch carefully for side effects. I gain a lot of weight on one.

Thank you Rizen. He isn't on medication right now. I hope he can get back on track.

I saw a huge improvement in my son's behavior when I dumped 99% of the boundaries and stopped trying to "nip" things. Just saying...

Tics could mean a lot of things...it's worth it to talk to his pediatrician about them. Could mean touretts, could mean stress, could mean a lot of things. Could even be that he's a 12 year old talking like a 12 year old (that's a good thing...yes?)

As for the school thing...so what? School issue...school handled it. BEST thing you can do is, to have a good time with your son that night. WORST thing you can do is "talk" to him, or punish him. That's already been done.

Put another way...say you got fired from a job. Would you want your son to "talk" to you? How many times? Do you want him to punish you further? (Isn't this the definition of kicking someone when they're down?)

I'm not saying to Undo the school's punishment. He did that. He got talked to there. Taken out of class in front of all of his friends. No...don't undo what the school did. (Not that you can.)

But don't kick him further. If you want a kid that will hug you after a hard day...then hug him after HIS hard day. Kids learn to treat others from how we treat them.

(School was PISSED when I started doing this. NOW I get many, many, many,many compliments.)

Thank you, Patt22, but he really doesn't feel bad or think he was wrong. I want him to have more empathy with the teacher. Apparently, he's been taken out of class before and didn't think it was a big deal. He came home happy as a clam. I wish he did feel embarrassed, but his life is about math and the computer- I want people to be important, too.

Absolutely agree to use positive encouragement, but he's addicted to the computer and we want him to quietly focus on other things. But, I will definitely be more positive and less "punishment"

Gentle empathy, ds. Adolescence is a bumpy ride for all. Accepting adults in the place of my children is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Still working on that one and my sons are middle aged. The first time I ever physically look UP at children I have known since they were small is a memorable experience every time. Playing hardass with a child who is bigger than me can, indeed, be a frightening experience, even for a lady construction worker. The child spin is a wicked twist.

Gentle support while you work your way through it, ds. Aging is the only cure I know of for adolescence. Sort freely, sort often.

that is tough . I taught middle school and also 2 years at a special center. I was also a parent of 2 boys for 8 years . ie stepparent. You are the parent and for that I applaud you. I know it is hard. Tough love goes too far. what I saw as a teacher that if I worked with the parent about school affairs and behavior we got a lot more done and got results. My first thought is tourettes and anger management. I have seen what you describe. I never believed in shaming a child by letting the others witness it . just an opinion. Shame to a disturbed child especially boys turns to testing and anger when boundaries are set. Great Job showing love with boundaries . I am sharing what I learned take or leave the advice cuz a parent usually finds a way to know best I would say you are an excellent parent in that you are looking for input and answers best to you

I think he will be okay! His therapist specializes in anger. When he came home from school yesterday, I felt silly for feeling scared, and gave my son a big hug

Great news, ds. Don't feel silly for the fright. Adolescence is a frightful evolution for all with good reason. It is a pivotal part of human growth.

Small steps and lots of hugs.