I'm occasionally seeing a counsellor who isn't actually qualified to handle a PTSD case. She tried to find me a therapist but I've got massive trust issues so after meeting about ten different ones I didn't get along with we gave up and I stuck with her.

I get extremely defensive very quickly when I'm supposed to talk abot my problems, which is why therapy doesn't work on me. Push me once and there's no chance I'd ever talk to that therapist about anything more significant than the weather.

But a good thearpist should be capable of handling a defensive patient. She probably won't take it personal when you get defensive once in a while, so don't be too hard on yourself. It's good that you can recognise that behaviour in yourself though.

I had bad therapists early on. My first one thought "tough love' was a good idea and so he called me an "asshole" in every session. He was a social work professor at a university, too. Boy, do I ever want that money back spent on therapy with that guy.

Still, I ended up with what was for me the gold standard of therapists who was directly trained at the doctoral level in the exact kind of trauma that gave me PTSD. Just speaking from my case, that's what the issue was--I started out with these general social workers who didn't have special preparation for PTSD me. I'm not all that special as a PTSD case at all, it's just that PTSD is different from your general therapy, in my experience with therapists. My two cents.

Small steps, Luna. As much as I would love to wake up perfect tomorrow morning, I suspect I will have to wake up with all the problems I went to sleep with. The changes stay more consistent when I let that be okay and work on it bit by bit. We are all works in progress.

In my personal case, becoming "...really bad at figuring out where that line is" was a good thing. It meant I was ready to let go of the old lines that never had worked very well, anyway.

Gentle support while you figure out what it means in your own case.

I've had to weed out some awful ones, mediocre ones, etc. And one size does *not* fit all in therapy. I've been frustrated even with a therapist I trust and when I'm making progress.... This is just a lot of tough stuff to deal with, and ugh.

And it's normal to be defensive to some degree---nobody likes being vulnerable, even if they're "healthy". Throw in PTSD and it's just gonna happen sometimes. Trick is seeing it, and you've got that down. Now if I find the magic solution for the rest, I'll let you know....

I know it feels frustrating in the beginning. I worked with my current therapist for more than a year before we started getting to the root of my problems, and it took that long for me to get to the point where I trusted him all the raw stuff. I'm not sure what you've endured, but if they're at the core of your upbringing, it's good to be with someone who won't push you too far too fast.

At the same time, you should honor your feelings. It's okay to be annoyed that she's asking you to make checklists. As I'm thinking about this, my intuition is telling me that maybe you're feeling overwhelmed b/c you're still feeling quite a bit of inner turmoil(?), and trying to change your outward behavior won't solve that problem. Your outward behavior will change and you'll naturally become more productive after you've had an inner shift.

Until that happens, be as gentle with yourself as possible. We are so good, some of us, at setting ourselves up for failure at things like making money, doing chores, finding a relationship, etc. When we've been traumatized, it can take time before we're able to take control of these things, whether they're small actions or big life changes.

Thanks guys. Instead of just accepting that this was "where I was at" she flipped into "fix it" mode. I'm sure she was trying to help, but I felt kinda insulted. Like I was too stupid to set goals or do chores. I stressed to her that it's not normal for me and I do very well how to up keep a home but how I felt was making it impossible. I guess I just feel like we're not talking enough about ways to deal with my feelings, because I haven't gotten a single technique or even advice yet. So being pushed on doing something that I don't actually need help with made me pretty mad.

@Mujicaptsd Yeah, I'm kinda worried she's not qualified. She's just a social worker, but she's the first person that was given to me. The fact that she told me she was Googling PTSD treatments while she was talking with me didn't help! I'm not sure what to do about it though. I see a psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm secretly hoping they ask me how it's going.

Hi Luna, I encourage you to ask the psychiatrist to refer you to a therapist. If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have wasted my time on ignorant and disrespectful social workers, mental health case workers, psychologist, counselors, etc. Trust yourself to know what you need, as I needed a professional to trust me I knew myself well but no one would listen.

Hope Things Work Out for You! ~Sincerely~

Neo, I hope you are feeling better first and foremost. But if you don't mind, let me play the Devil's Advocate role and challenge you to think at things a little differently. In school, did you ever have that teacher that you couldn't stand. You just thought they were the biggest prick or prickette. They were always pushing you. Maybe they critiqued your papers a little more harshly than those other students. You just felt as though they rode your ass unjustly while they let the other kids slide along.

Well you may not be aware of it, but they were showing you love. They instinctively knew that you had it in you to do good and they were not about to let you just slide by. You were special to them and they were going to do their level best that you realized what a special person you are. They let the other ones just slide because they didn't give a damn, and you can't make someone give a damn. They would much rather spend their time and efforts on the special ones that cared like you.

Your Therapist might just be like one of those special, pain in the ass teachers. They know you can do it and just want you to begin to realize that you can do it. Just think about it, ok.