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There is not a doubt in my own mind that my flight reflex is my most developed instinct. Far more developed than the primal instinct to eat. I can find food on the road. In a cage, you are at the mercy of others and AssUming others have mercy to give is a leap of faith I can seldom make. In God I trust. All others, cash...
The lethargy of my depression is lifting and being displaced by the extreme energies of my hyper disposition. The long hours of sleep are moving beyond my reach and the bizarre dreams of sleep saturation are taking the place of rest. These would be the kind of dreams that make sleep far from restful. This morning found me outside in time to be wrapped in the surreal darkness that precedes dawn, awaiting the glow on the horizon. It was a spectacular dawn... It found me meditating on the Five Star mentality, still unable to understand it. The image which floated through my meditations was the rainbows atop an oil slick. What's to understand? Just get a rag and clean it up, if you can. Just walk away if it is too big to clean up.
My intellect is saying to continue the work that was interrupted by my Five Star Father-in-Law and his entourage yesterday. My instinct is saying to just walk away.
Praying for stillness of mind...
P.S. My sister (58) has regained consciousness but is far from full capacity. She is cooperating with the tests and procedures to determine the future treatment.
The lethargy of my depression is lifting and being displaced by the extreme energies of my hyper disposition. The long hours of sleep are moving beyond my reach and the bizarre dreams of sleep saturation are taking the place of rest. These would be the kind of dreams that make sleep far from restful. This morning found me outside in time to be wrapped in the surreal darkness that precedes dawn, awaiting the glow on the horizon. It was a spectacular dawn... It found me meditating on the Five Star mentality, still unable to understand it. The image which floated through my meditations was the rainbows atop an oil slick. What's to understand? Just get a rag and clean it up, if you can. Just walk away if it is too big to clean up.
My intellect is saying to continue the work that was interrupted by my Five Star Father-in-Law and his entourage yesterday. My instinct is saying to just walk away.
Praying for stillness of mind...
P.S. My sister (58) has regained consciousness but is far from full capacity. She is cooperating with the tests and procedures to determine the future treatment.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I agree, flight is a big response for me, too, it's horribly hard to overcome the *need* to run run run--- and then I hide when I feel I've run enough.
Myself, I'd say continue the work----but in small bits, so you don't break apart *you* trying to overcome the flight instinct. That's where I'm at---complete with unrestful sleep this whole last week, too.
Glad your sister is awake and able to cooperate with tests and so on. I continue to send healing hopes for you both.:-)
Hugs,
Leo
Bye the way, you write beautifully, perhaps you should consider writing a book?
hugs
And the drips lead me back to the reminder of my favorite on the "Help to Go On" post. Kahlil Gibran:
"And could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem
less wondrous than your joy; "
You, my friends, are among the daily miracles I keep in my heart.
I'm twice divorced, too, from fleeing instead of fighting. Didn't have any kids because I fled from parenting, too.
So I'm entering my 4th year in the same job. I haven't spent a single, single day without fighting the urge to flee the way others fight the urge to cut. That means that for me to get past 1,000 days without resigning and running is a miracle. It's a miracle of One Day at a Time spirituality, not me.
Haven't resigned and run away today, either.
You're a One Day at a Time person, too, arfie. Your awareness is keen. You can do this. We're with you. Bang away.