No, but it sounds brilliant. Too bad I'll forget as soon as I step away from this computer!

Yes arfie.
For instance theres this girl I like and she just got out of a bad relationship. Shes been stop and go. And I noticed I have been too, because she is.
Well Ive tryed talking to her about it but then it becomes my fault .....Flag! CONTROL- I want to engage the healthy side of the situation yet to do so I have to back off despite the awesome conversations Ive had with her. I cant control where she is but I can control me.
So I had to block her , because What I cant do is be put down for having boundaries and getting mixed signals only to be criticized for it and expected to take the blame for it all.
I take on full responsibility for having my head up my butt. However painful ,. No pun intended. LOL

My other " Yes, but" is the red flag that comes up and tells myself "HEY ... you know whats going on here , so please stop already because my sanity is worth it" .

I dont know if thats what you meant but , i want to say thanks because Ive been struggling with this.

Ears open mouth shut, has worked well in the past. thanks for the reminder.
:)

In myself I take my use of "yes, but" to be a sign of my being defensive instead of confidently participating in a dialogue trusting wherever it may go. Is that what you mean, arfie?

My red flags are many.
Am I being snarky in response? Defensive posture, usually not needed.
Am I feeling irritable? Red flag that I'm trying too hard to distract from something I need to address.
And so on.

"Yes but" is not one of mine particularly, simply b/c in any given BS session with friends about many many topics, we'll sling ideas back and forth with that as a sentence starter. IF I use it in therapy, tho? OH yeah, yellow flag at least!

There are no universal rights or wrongs here. Not even within the strictly personal. Everything in Nature is on its way to becoming something else. Even the stagnant pond. I reserve the right to evolve and grant others the same privileges.

Great Answers, everyone. Thank you for the chew food.

The mysteries of the living stew
Bubble and mix a chaotic brew
Where did that tasty tidbit go?
Twixt or tween or down below?
Just when I forgot it was ever lost
Up it boils, worth far more than it cost.

I know my own, personal bibliography is a landfill class mess. I don't know where half of it comes from, but I am sure somebody threw it out there somewhere in all my compressed layers... None of it is worth much until I can make it my own. As Samuel Clemens said, "Without plagiarism, there would be no culture."

Trash Art, anyone?

I hadn't, but this is great advice. Thank you for posting.

I've tried "yes, and" instead of "yes, but" just to see where else it would lead me.

Thanks Arfie for posting this. I have been full full way too full of many a many resentments from going thru two caregivers (who did not care.) I learned how to do this early on in Alcoholic's Anonymous. Their exact- wording was 'to take the cotton out of your ears and then put cotton in your mouth.' In other words what Arfie's saying.

I have been aware meaning yes 'flags' on how I notice my attitude and actions/thoughts...etc That's when I take cotton out ears; put in mouth.

oh ooops!! ....did I just bring back this thread and wasn't suppose to? I apologize if I did. This is a great topic so maybe more can view it; see and understand the why of it. (internal bleeding-but) So yes i definitely need to get my head out of my but and just stop all of the bickering nd decide if and when I want my 'sanity' back!!

Thanks again Arfie, I've been struggling with this far too long now. It is time to work on changing (((me))) and accepting what cannot change.

I'm glad you brought it back gizzy. I like what you said too, and what Muji said. That is a great habit to try to learn ;)