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I am still feeling unstable this morning. This morning's meditation is as quiet as a string of black cat firecrackers. My muscles are as relaxed as a bungee chord holding an anvil. Ouch.
At least some of the muscle aches and pressure centers in my head are allergy related. This is the season of renewal in Central Texas. Life is busting out all over after the long, often-lethal dormancy of the Desert Summer. A-a-a-achoo! The thought loops continue fissuring through my morning meditation. One loop leads to another and another and another, ad infinitum, until a new hot not is formed. Where can I find a leg to chew? Preferably one that will spew hot blood as I chew. Just hoping. . .
This morning's thought loops are mostly circling around my husband's need to retire because of his heart-condition while middle-aged sons continue justifying his work-a-holic habits with their grown-up-sized budget problems. How many vehicles, etc., can we maintain on a retirement income? How many domestic drama threads -Past, Present and Future- are tied to that single need? Racing thoughts can spin eternally in my own head. The race is on. The flaming skids are dynamic.
Lost in metaphor again? ? ?
Just looking for the simplicity. . . Some things are just plain hard. . .
At least some of the muscle aches and pressure centers in my head are allergy related. This is the season of renewal in Central Texas. Life is busting out all over after the long, often-lethal dormancy of the Desert Summer. A-a-a-achoo! The thought loops continue fissuring through my morning meditation. One loop leads to another and another and another, ad infinitum, until a new hot not is formed. Where can I find a leg to chew? Preferably one that will spew hot blood as I chew. Just hoping. . .
This morning's thought loops are mostly circling around my husband's need to retire because of his heart-condition while middle-aged sons continue justifying his work-a-holic habits with their grown-up-sized budget problems. How many vehicles, etc., can we maintain on a retirement income? How many domestic drama threads -Past, Present and Future- are tied to that single need? Racing thoughts can spin eternally in my own head. The race is on. The flaming skids are dynamic.
Lost in metaphor again? ? ?
Just looking for the simplicity. . . Some things are just plain hard. . .
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Also, I feel for you. I lived in Texas for a while and it's considered the allergy capital of the world; I can't imagine how awful it must be going through the allergy process there as everything renews.
I'm sorry to hear your husband is facing medical retirement. If you want to talk about it further, I don't mind listening.
Going gentle into that good retirement is not easy for anyone of a workaholic nature (my FIL took a decade to segue from 60 hours a week to a mere 15-20, and still technically works part-time).... so maybe going gentle is the only simple answer. Not easy, mind you, but simple. Cut back a little at a time, every month, and let him adapt in tiny steps....
Forgive me, Arfie, I know you want to take care of your kids. I know you don't want them to have a moment's suffering or pain or worry, and for that I commend you, but at a certain point.... Is it mothering, or enabling? I've had to ask that about my "daughtering", and it's some damn sobering thoughts. (No puns intended vis a vis all that AlAnon AA type terminology there.)
I keep spinning back to my pain at losing my mom while she's alive. If I'd continued enabling, she'd be in my life, but what life remains?
Maunder and meander as you need, Arfie. We're all finding a path through the marshes.
Take the steps to move toward letting the kids financial needs go. You and hubs are important, for with out that bond, they would not exist.
They have started their own trees to to support financially.
You can then just love the fruits of the tree.
My heart I know this is easier said than done, but....
I also know the first part too well.
J.
I was a workaholic and it took me a few years to accept I couldn't work anymore. It still get's difficult at times but I am more accepting of it. The little by little is a great idea.
Butttttttaaaaaaaa............
I am of the even stronger opinion that it is his to sort.
Mine to sort is the head chatter inside my own head.
Alice, Austin, especially, is an allergy haven. It sits directly on the intersection of 5 separate geological zones. Move 100 miles in any direction and you cut your allergy exposure by five. If you don't have allergies when you come, the sheer volume of exposure will fix that for you within a year or two.