Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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This is a difficult issue to bring up here, as a guy. FF and TW.
I haven't had a date in 5 years, and I don't plan to. 4 years ago I got diagnosed with kidney failure from PTSD meds. The kidney damage was caught so late, though, that it caused a lot of neuropathy and did a lot of permanent nerve damage in my extremities. I have some damage to my hands, and a lot of damage to my legs from the shins down.
It also damaged my physical ability for, um, to put it as politely as possible, (FF and TW again) intimacy.
I'm single, having been divorced since 2000 after 10 years of marriage. Yet I don't feel as tragic about it as I thought I would. I'm just grateful that the disease hasn't progressed to forcing me to have dialysis 3 times a week for 3 hours a session. (FF and TW once again). The thing is that my guy friends at work really don't want to believe me that I'm ok with my celibacy in the light of how much worse things could be. They keep trying to set me up with women co-workers. Today I spent the afternoon with them, and it was the topic all afternoon. Har har har.
I love these guys and need friendship with them more than I need any remedy for celibacy. I'm just tired of not being believed by them. And I have explained. It's my business, right? I'm very busy in other areas of my life right now, like keeping my job these 4 years even with PTSD symptoms while due to kidney damage I can no longer take meds for them.
I just wanted to speak my piece here. This is an audience that might actually let my version of how I feel stand. I guess that makes this a rant. I hope it hasn't offended anybody. I see the neurologist tomorrow about it again, and he's going to tell me the irreversible extent of my nerve damage again, so it's on my mind. If I've been able to accept it every time so far for 4 years, why not my friends?
I haven't had a date in 5 years, and I don't plan to. 4 years ago I got diagnosed with kidney failure from PTSD meds. The kidney damage was caught so late, though, that it caused a lot of neuropathy and did a lot of permanent nerve damage in my extremities. I have some damage to my hands, and a lot of damage to my legs from the shins down.
It also damaged my physical ability for, um, to put it as politely as possible, (FF and TW again) intimacy.
I'm single, having been divorced since 2000 after 10 years of marriage. Yet I don't feel as tragic about it as I thought I would. I'm just grateful that the disease hasn't progressed to forcing me to have dialysis 3 times a week for 3 hours a session. (FF and TW once again). The thing is that my guy friends at work really don't want to believe me that I'm ok with my celibacy in the light of how much worse things could be. They keep trying to set me up with women co-workers. Today I spent the afternoon with them, and it was the topic all afternoon. Har har har.
I love these guys and need friendship with them more than I need any remedy for celibacy. I'm just tired of not being believed by them. And I have explained. It's my business, right? I'm very busy in other areas of my life right now, like keeping my job these 4 years even with PTSD symptoms while due to kidney damage I can no longer take meds for them.
I just wanted to speak my piece here. This is an audience that might actually let my version of how I feel stand. I guess that makes this a rant. I hope it hasn't offended anybody. I see the neurologist tomorrow about it again, and he's going to tell me the irreversible extent of my nerve damage again, so it's on my mind. If I've been able to accept it every time so far for 4 years, why not my friends?
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
Gentle purrs,
Leo
People think that I 'really' want to date and have someone in my life... That I couldn't 'really' want to be alone
However I 'really' do...Not for physical health however that part of my life is over and I'm not at all unhappy about it... I'm just now very content with my friends and my pooch... I don't have any need for a partner
There's a lot to be said for not having to put up with anyone else's BS... Maybe you could simply tell them that....lol...x
At the risk of sounding like one of those idiots, there are women out there that would be very happy with a celibacy too. Just saying.
Are these guys friends or more co-workers? Do they come over to your place invite you places? If not, then tell them you are involved in a long distance relationship and the arrangement works. You see each other a few times a year and go your own ways after that. You should not have to lie about, but these guys are too stupid to and are not getting it, you are ok with your current personal life. So I think you might have to lie to these guys to get them off your back. Either that or you are going to have to stand up to them and say, Look, this is getting old, my personal life is not up for discussion, nor is who I choose to sleep with or not, so no more. Change the subject if they do it again or just keep telling them bluntly to back off..
((hugs))
These guys are more coworkers than friends, and when we get together and none of our female coworkers are present it's like we're back in high school as a group. I feel a real case of "been there, done that, now what?" at times like that. I really appreciate your validating my asexual present day life. It's allowed other parts of life to come to the fore for me in these last years. For one thing, it's allowed me to put in time here and learn some things about myself and PTSD I'd never learn anywhere else.
My neurologist appointment went better than any I'd had so far in these 4 years kidney disease has caused neuropathy! Because I'd unloaded my fears in this vent beforehand, I was more relaxed and communicated better with the doc. My neuropathy pain is still at a level I can handle without meds. I have been good about staying off meds and following the kidney doc's dietary rules, so I found out my kidney function hasn't fallen. It's holding steady above the line that requires dialysis, so my prayers have been answered--no dialysis again!
Thank you all for my rant on this sensitive topic. You're good friends.
Sometimes when I don't know how to handle a difficult situation, I talk to my therapist, and he gives me ideas for how to handle it, so when it comes up, I have another tool in my toolbox (I'm thinking of Pete Walker, whom I know you also like). And I think that's fine -- just do whatever you need to do so that you can walk away from the exchange or whatever it is feeling empowered.
52, no, my coworkers aren't showing love, care, or compassion when they speak of my having sex to me. They are fully aware that it is cruel. I've filled them in directly on what neuropathy has done to me physically. I did it again on Tuesday. I explained again how their sex talk about mates for me only makes me feel the loss. They haven't heeded my requests to care and respect that boundary, so I have to figure something else out now.
The disrespect for boundaries is part of the game, because they're married and carry on about having sex with women from work who are married, too. It's some kind of addictive male bonding fantasy ritual in old age, I guess. I wouldn't enjoy that kind of talk even if I didn't have neuropathy. It's stupid.
...Considering I'm somewhat to the other end of the spectrum...and considering the guy I want to marry is 6 timezones away...
What's annoying? We have an open relationship! But I look at others and think...meh, not him!
...oh well, I guess it's motivation to get a better job, so I can get airplane tickets...