Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

10,127 Members
27,615 Posts
1 Online
Anxiety Disorders
/ Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Feeling like an outcast

blueskiesinjune
blueskiesinjune

It's been 6 weeks since I visited here. A few things have happened since then-I'm still in a bit of a hole. Im exhausted. Does anyone else experience mental/physical exhaustion from constantly being on edge? A wrong tone sends my adrenaline pumping until im shaking and just want to sleep. I've gotten better at cognitively pulling myself out of that dark place- but my body hasn't caught up.


I wrote something so I'll put it here:


_______


The world she’s in rips her to shreds. So she builds a hard outer shell, strong determination, resilience, and a fighter mentality to protect what’s been shattered over and over again. She vows to stand up for herself. 



And then the world asks what’s wrong with her when she defends herself. What’s wrong with her attitude and her demeanor. She becomes a problem-but there’s nothing wrong with the antagonizers, people who don’t hear her, or people that muddy her name behind her back. 



She should be quiet, be respectful when disrespected and learn that this is just the way the world works. Get over it. Grow up. Be quiet. Listen. Be respectful. Do as she’s told. 



No one understands that she wasn’t the first problem or the only problem. 
______



I know what I've been through is no excuse for my behaviors today. But I'm frustrated that I'm still shamed when I stand up for myself, I'm the bad person no matter what way it's looked at. I was told today that some people aren't capable of listening, and that I need to accept and get over it. I can do that, I've learned how to walk away, shut it down and sit with the pain. But when I'm made out to be a bad person for not being able to do it 100% of the time, i feel alone and misunderstood. Why is that my defensiveness is the problem, but the reason for it is irrelevant? We live in a world where no one gives a shit how you feel-just don't act out of line for any reason. As if the antagonist isn't out of line for being antagonizing.



either way, I haven't gotten it figured out yet. And it piles on top of my SI and makes me think I'm not cut out for this world. 

arfie
arfie
yes, i experience that ". . .experience mental/physical exhaustion from constantly being on edge." in my personal case, we call that, "hypervigilance." it is caused by my lymphatic system continually charging and recharging my system with the anxiety hormones of a normal anxiety attack. these hormones are potent and highly addictive drugs. until i can find the "off" switch and detox my system, i have the objective intelligence of a meth head.

gentle empathy, blue. it be a booger bear of a cycle to disrupt.

for what it's worth
paranoia is a dominant symptom of my hypervigilance. my paranoia can cause me to see even the most caring of individuals as a mere appendage of THEM.
Community LeaderLeo
Leo
You described it very well. My body will catch up... I hope.

Supportive puma purrs. We're here. We get it.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Like arfie says, my PTSD hypervigilance is exhausting. I've had to adjust for 25 years of PTSD recovery to the ways I try to deal with it. I got addicted to nicotine, and then quit smoking. I got addicted to coffee, so now I drink decaf. Insomnia became big, so I had to move mountains to learn to get 7 hours of sleep per night.

Finally, I found that even though they didn't mean to, having roommates was exhausting because they triggered me innocently just walking behind me in the house. So I resigned myself to living in tiny studio apartments rather than sharing a bigger 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate.

The adjustments to PTSD exhaustion never end. But we're still here, and that's the payoff.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Well put blue..... Big hug of comfort and calm sent.... xo
Full_of_hope
Full_of_hope
Hi. You ask: "Does anyone else experience mental/physical exhaustion from constantly being on edge?" Yes! It's something I struggle with almost daily. I think that I think too much! I live in my head, either in the shame of the past, or fear of the future. I'm trying to learn to live in the present moment; that's the only way I can find any peace and calm. Accepting my emotions helps a lot, it even cuts out the daily headaches. Like arphie mentioned, I too suffer from "hypervigilance'. In my case I WORRY constantly that I said or did something that hurt another human being, which is odd because no one has ever cared how they make me feel! The good news is there are tools available to help us cope and eventually help us change the way we think, so I keep getting back up on the bucking horse, so to speak. Thank you for sharing your poem with us! A big hug to let you know you're not alone on this new adventure.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I had one of those exhausting days this very day, by the way. Oof. Can't wait for it to be over. Tomorrow's just GOTTA be better than this.
aimec
aimec
I want you to know that I completely understand - right there with you. Life is cruel and most ppl don’t understand due to lack of or different experiences. You be strong let those feelings out bc trust me. You’re not alone
And maybe some of us that have had it a bit tougher in life are here to be examples for those that have not. Sending love
blueskiesinjune
blueskiesinjune
Thank you all. I appreciate that someone out there does understand, because I think everyone around me does not. Thank you muji-that’s how I feel now. Living with other people is exhausting. I can tell when there’s tension in the air or an off tone and sometimes it sends me spiraling. I was told today “people are going to act however and you have to get used to that”. And I said that’s not the problem, the problem is I’ve never had a safe space to live and I’m tired of environments that set my nervous system off like this. When I leave a place that feels unsafe, I calm down. But it returns the second I walk through the door and something is still off. I was doing just fine today until I walked through the door.
blueskiesinjune
blueskiesinjune
And thank you all for sharing your experiences and understanding, it feels so comforting to know that what I feel makes sense to someone somewhere.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
You're welcome, blueskiesinjune. I'm feeling less exhausted today, thankfully. It comes and it goes so it really helps to have folks on hand to talk to about it.
DamagedGoddess
DamagedGoddess
You are describing my life right now.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Who? Wha--? DamagedGoddess? Huh?

Anyway, blueskiesinjune, my week took a turn for the better today. I'm having one of those good days. Any relief for you?
TheGreatWizardLemmiwinks
TheGreatWizardLemmiwinks
I watched a video on med circle about this. I feel super exhausted most of the time and realized it was a symptom of my mental state. When I'm having an episode my body aches a lot. I'm very spiritual so I often try to find a spiritual side to everything as it is the best way I can comprehend things. During a difficult time my emotional body really suffered and I found myelf asking spirit to help me ease the pain as it was very overwhelming. I was guided to do what lifts my spirit the most which is dance. :) I realized how healing it was for me. I was able to release most of the built up trauma that had been bottled up in my body through physical expression. I've been carrying around this wisdom without even knowing that there was a biological concept to this until I watched a med circle video the confirmed what I was thinking. In the video a trauma specialist talked about the puzzling question about why mental illness seems to prevalent among humans more so than any other species even species who reside in the wild who have constant exposure to trauma. She described a study where they were monitoring a lion going through a traumatic experience where it's cub had been killed. In the study they found that the lion who was obviously affected took some time to shake as it processed, than after they found that the lion had recovered, was able to go back to normal, and was eating a few moments later. She pointed out that we have lost this quality throughout evolution. It's really amazing how our body could be such a progressive tool to deal with our mental health. Of course we will not be able to recover in a few minutes like other animals as we have strayed far enough to be able to function in that capacity and our wheels are a little dusty but I'm sure with time and practice we'll be able to see results. Hope this is a tool you'll find yourself using. Wish you the best.
rose07042k
rose07042k
You aren't A outcast. I know how you feel. Blue. For me the word I use is "Feel like a burden". My Therapist is challenging me not to use those words. My case Manager keeps showing me with gifts I think she thinks its going to work. So , Blue you aren't alone. Keep propelling with us, we need each other.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • Community LeaderSunCloudJD

    Hello Monday

    Posted by: SunCloudJD
    Last Reply: SunCloudJD
    4
    Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
  • Sunshinegirl0228

    Dr. Appointment

    Posted by: Sunshinegirl0228
    Last Reply: Sunshinegirl0228
    3
    Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.