My first opine is to keep the coping efforts in the present. The past is gone and the future is unpredictable, even with the best of statistics in my crystal ball. When I find myself getting lost in the past or the future, I literally focus on my feet. One foot in front of the other. Now is all that is real.

Forget? I have been dealing with full-blown amnesia. I would rather take my chances an AIDS infected needle full of morphine, thank you. Amnesia is as fun as an amputated leg. But, that is me. My sister prefers the amnesia. The booze is her therapy. Whatever gets us through the day...

Most of all, I study on how to lean effectively. Asking for help is a toughie for me. Once I gained the courage to ask for help, I had to learn how to lean without clinging.

But, again, that is me. The PTSD journey is unique for each and every one of us. The differences can be critical.

Welcome aboard, hope.

Nearly everyone here has had suicidal ideation at some point in association with their PTSD. Obviously there is a big difference between thought and action. If you feel any inclination to act on this please call one of the Help line numbers at the bottom of the page.

The best clarification about suicidal ideation I have ever read here, is that such thinking is a symptom. It is a symptom of overwrought and illogical thinking. Reading this helped me understand that when I have such thoughts to recognize I need more symptom management. Such thoughts are like having a fever - they signal more treatment is needed and are not to be taken at face value.

Keep safe.

I was nearly killed in action on the one hand. And on the other, I survived grinding years of child & sexual abuse. So much like what you described having gone through.

I concur with 51% that "suicidal" itself isn't necessarily a feeling. It's just this real, shear helplessness that has overtaken me once in a while. In my case, once a decade or so in my adult life. I've never acted suicidally, but I certainly have been hospitalized on each of those occasions--3 so far. Occasions when the cookie seemed to crumble for me emotionally like that just once every ten years. It was plenty threatening and plenty often for me.

I keep talking and making connections here because the way I got past those helpless months every ten years or so was by knowing others like me. Others who knew what I was talking about from experience, but weren't in it right then at that moment. So they could show me, not just tell me, that, honestly, this too shall pass. And it might happen again, and it will pass then, too, if I let it.

It's no sweeping answer, but it's worked for me when it seemed like nothing else would. I hope someone here has the connection you need now.

yep, hospitalizations for me too. too many to count on one hand.

honestly, once it gets to the point where death is a very real possibility, it's time to seek out the professionals, and professional solutions. if not for yourself, for those that love you, until you can make it for yourself again.

and arfie is right. yesterday's a memory and tomorrow's a dream. stay in the `right now', and please, if you get the overwhelming urges, head to the emergency room.

Mojo, hospitalizations. Thanks for reminding me to be grateful for them and to remind myself they were necessary. Because some people do really well in the hospital. I've even had friends who almost were able to accept hospitalizations like a vacation.

But me, I just didn't develop that capability. Boy, did I ever have trouble adapting to hospitalizations. No sense of humor whatsoever.

So thanks for reminding me they did me good and tided me over until I could take charge of my own life again. I've tended to focus too much on how deeply I hated being in the hospital every second I was there. I'm kind of embarrassed I took my hospitalizations with such bitterness when it turns out I only had 3 of them and others here had more.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have been feeling MUCH better since that day. Any other input on coping with the terror aspect of ptsd would be much appreciated!! It swallows me up sometimes. (Also the depression part. Feels like my whole life has changed, like I'll never feel safe again. With reason)

Thanks for saying how much better you feel, hopeinjoy!