Count me a yes. At my worst, I won't let myself feel that fatigue, etc. That's when I become a menace to society. I'm far less of a threat when "I feel very tired i wish i would die soon."

How do I view my childhood in a traveling kiddie whorehouse now that I am old and grey? Well. . . You won't catch me commiserating with folks who miss their youth. Seems like I relax a bit for every year I put between myself and that youthful glory. Keep your youthenizations off my ought list. . .

Yup about being tired. And I had lots of trouble getting professional help, too. My childhood was spent in a war zone overseas (car bombing age 9, etc). So for 12 years after my PTSD diagnosis I went to therapist after therapist who, in my opinion, didn't seem to get it.

Then I moved to a new city for a job and stumbled upon one who did, a VA doc by day who saw me as a patient at night. He got that most of the people in war zones anywhere in the world are actually not just the soldiers fighting, but the civilians in the area. So I wasn't invisible to him in terms of combat PTSD even for a civilian who didn't serve his country in uniform.

It took away my shame about getting PTSD help even though I hadn't served my country in uniform. That got me started to recovery after 12 years of therapists who didn't so much.

As for the tired thing, I use my imagination to think that there's the age of the body and the age of the soul. It's just my imagination, but I picture that when you had to grow up too soon in a traumatic childhood, then your body can be 20 years old but your soul can be 80 and deserving of retirement. Just my imagination, but it helps me be gentle with myself even if I'm the only one who is.

And, yeah, when you're 80 or 90 you may see death as rest. I teach death and dying classes to nursing students at a community college in part to prepare for what I hope is a good death. That rules out suicide, but it does welcome the idea of rest in peace some day, like that movie Tuesdays with Morrie talks about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGCYD_7taKA

Much support to you today. It's Monday, and I'm tired already, but there's a lot of week ahead. May we both make it ok.

On one hand... It's biologically normal during prolonged stress, but programming us as children into high-stress-alert-levels.... I think personally makes us way too prone to fatigue throughout life, b/c we're just zig-zaggingup-down more severely / often than those w/o pTSD.

On the other.... All tha tnerdiness never stops me feeling like I need 20 hours of sleep sometimes. The ridiculous mental exhaustion just drags my body along with it. *sigh*

Here's to puma power for the week. We're all in need.

hi I agree with the others, if people say they are not tired and have PTSD I would wonder if they actually had PTSD. It totally tires you out. it is very hard going through trauma. I had a horrible childhood filled with trauma and then an abusive life after. I was lucky enough to get out of it /. But I always have it sent back to me. because I had to give up my family because of the abuse and being stalked by someone. My family refused to believe it. My mother lied point blank to my son and she was involved in my abuse for most of my life. It has been very hard. I had to clear my mind and heal my heart and soul. I will never forget or forgive the trauma will be with me all of my life but I have learned how to deal with it.

oops sorry hit send. you will find a great deal of people who will give you support here. stress and triggers play a big part in PTSD also. We are all here for you. Gentle hugs casey.

Thank you for the amazing replies. Its very difficult o live with PTSD and to try to make sense of having been victimized at an age you could not defend yourself.

Then having to live with the damage done and feeling like there is an X marked on you for life (that is how I feel). I was the scapegoat and I felt that X on me seems like I have never shaken that feeling off.

You are all truly amazing people. In my experience what helps the most is the interaction with other survivors. From one survivor to another something happens a lot of true compassion and empathy happens.

I grieve a lot for my childhood how they cut my chances I was taken out of school at 12-13 i tried to go back on m own but at 17 a "sister" made it impossible her verbal and emotional abuse drove to try to commit suicide and then to just leave for good. Anything was better than her abuse, the streets anything.

After that my life was always about just surviving. I never really made anything out of it. Had to many unresolved problems of PTSD and very severe depression untreated. Now i feel very tired.

Thank you again for all the kind replies .

Professionals have heard it all and I don’t know much of your story but I can relate. I also heard a testimony at Celebrate Recovery that sounds very similar to what you shared. The hardest part about talking to professionals is that it’s hard to say those things actually happened to us. There’s something anonymous in writing or typing, even if no one reads it - at least that’s been my experience. It doesn’t seem real until it comes out of my mouth. I’ve been out of that house for more than a decade and I’m over two decades into a life after childhood sexual abuse by a sibling. I have been in therapy for years and still have things I can’t say out-loud a or type/write. I still feel like I’m marked with an X and I barely make it to my pillow each night. You’re not alone.