Welcome GODBELOVED..... I am so sorry for what you've been going through but glad that you've found us

This is a good board.... There are several people on here who suffer from complex trauma

Suicidal thoughts are a symptom of a disorder... I try to look at them as just that... I have them to at times and it can be tough

One thing I tell myself is that a thought doesn't require an action

Gentle hug.... There are some great folks on here.....xo

Welcome...

When I get suicidal thoughts? They're just my depression's way (or PTSD's way, as you prefer)... to let me know I need a good cry and to yell that it wasn't fair (whatever it was) and just ... ground myself again. Good things. I just ... remind myself of good things,a nd a promise I made after a long-ago attempt... Not to do it. And keepnig my word is important to me. FOr me, that helps.

I'm in year 7 of therapy for pTSD from complex childhood and then adult stuff. I am on meds. It helps, but healing takes time. More than any of us want it to. But it happens. SOmetimes I look back five years and think, "Wow, that was me, then? And look what I did today!" and it's like a little miracle.

Hugs and, again, welcome:-)

Thank you both Leo and SunCloudJD for your responses. It good to know that I am not alone. I take your words of wisdom. It helps me.

Keep seeking support! You’re making the right choices by continuing to seek help and not giving up. That’s amazing! You’re obviously very strong. Rejoice in your strength!

God doesn’t want anything from you. You fail no one. God has gifted you with the ability to be witness to his creations. Any beauty you find, cling to it. Focus on it. Even if it’s just the blue of the sky or the sound of the birds. Anything pleasant, think about it as long as you can and thank it. Anything ugly, say “I see you. Goodbye”. Repeat it until it’s gone.

Being someone suffering from anxiety/ptsd I know how what I said can seem like complete bullshit. And sometimes it IS. It can feel so impossible. But, there are also times that it works. Progress is slow. But any progress is means to rejoice.

I want to be kind and postitive. But sometimes I’m just overwhelmed and aggravated. And regardless of my good intent, I fall into the same, hopeless state of mind that I’m so desperately trying to escape.

But I know I’m good.

I like to go to the beach and look for agates (a beautiful striped rock). And out of the hundreds I search, I find maybe one agate. Sometimes, good thoughts are like agates. You have to search for them. And once you find them, pay attention, for as long as possible. Because they’re, rare, and beautiful.

I’m sorry you hurt. I love you, and God does too. Keep on keepin on, you beautiful, thoughtful soul.

What you just said here lighten up my heart so much I feel so special now.

Beloved, welcome aboard this DS lifeboat. Many of us have cPTSD from both early childhood and adult traumas. It is a caring and sharing site. Like Leo, I made a promise that I would call my counselor if I got suicidal again. He died 3 months later, which kind of left me with no choice but to live. As you read various posts and replies, you will find many replies have tools that others have used for grounding, calming, and dealing with PTSD's travelling companions. Things were done to you; that is not your shame but theirs. The journey to wellness does take time, but many here have made it through to ways to deal with the rough patch you are, and have, gone through. You now have us beside you in your battle. Welcoming and uplifting hugs.

All I can add, GODBELOVED, is that the Easter story includes permission to feel abandoned at the very end of Good Friday, doesn't it? Isn't that the last thing said: "my God, my God, why have you abandoned me?"

So that's what we are here, a support group for those who have felt abandoned to death. It's ok to fall apart at that point, there's resurrection ahead. Just like leaves fall in autumn, new buds are born in spring, just like there's Easter Friday there's Easter Sunday.

The good news is we don't have to do the dying part, we can fall apart, come here, and let people support us even when we can't support ourselves. I'm so sorry for what brought you here, but you came to the right place. This is a place of healing for those who have fallen apart. Folks here get it because they've lived it and kept on living. You're not alone here.

GODBELOVED... consider for a moment your name!! You are SOOO SOOO loved by God your Father! So much so that He gave Jesus His Son for you! He paid a dear price in laying down His life so that YOU, Beloved, could LIVE. And have life more abundantly. I know the mental torture of abuse and hard days being stuck in the cycle of it all. I get it. I too was abused in childhood, but there is HOPE and His name is Jesus Christ.

I'm so proud of you for being transparent, many people aren't and your very real confession of suicidal thoughts. Consider the source of those life ending thoughts though, they are not from God the Father, simply because He promises you life in abundance. When I found myself in a similar situation of being in a pit of despair, the only place I had to look was UP. Look up to God the Father, cry out to Him as you have been doing already and then turn your heart, eyes and thoughts towards the truth found in His word.

No weapon formed against me shall prosper ( Isaiah 54:17)
Take every thought captive to obey Christ ( 2 Cor. 10:5)
"Get behind me Satan!" (Matthew 16:23)
We wait for our blessed hope the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ (Titus 2:13)
Blessed is (s)he whose help is God, whose hope is in the Lord (Psalm 146:5)

Fill your mind with scripture which is God breathed and truth over your soul. When you feel down, depressed, anxious pray about it, visualize yourself laying those thoughts, words etc... at the foot of the cross and leaving them all there for God to work out and take away. He came to give you life and to have it more abundantly. You are loved, you are cherished, you mean everything to God the Father. Praying for you my friend.

RoseyViolet thank you for your encouragement and truth I needed this today. As I am still in a rollercoaster of emotions at times.