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Anxiety Disorders
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Easier When You Let it Be Hard?

arfie
arfie
Update: My beloved has scheduled at least one phase of the gall bladder surgery for January 16. There may need to be more than one surgery because of the problems with his bile duct. Then there are the heart complications... For now, it is as far as he can honestly take it. Small steps.

And then there is the processing of his mother's death. I sure am getting my listening practice.

I find myself repeating a phrase to him that I have often used for myself in my own recovery. "Some things are just plain hard and they are easier if ya let 'em be just plain hard." My logic being that looking for the easy way just distracts me from getting the job done. The anxiety which has me making this post is that it a harsh thing to say.

Thoughts? Opines?
DoooOver
DoooOver
I have never thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense.

I read this and think if we stop mulling over how hard it is and just accept it, maybe it will get easier and at the very least the pain will be felt and dealt with in a healthy way.

With all the things going on with me I found acceptance of it made it a lot easier to deal.

Hugs Arfie and I hope for fast healing
yadlim
yadlim
I have seen several times that people who do not have to fight to get through every day, do not always understand what we are trying to explain. We talk a different language. I read what you post and it sounds reasonable to me.

I would say that if it was harsh or not depends on how your beloved took it. What was his reaction? Maybe give him an extra hug or hot cup of coffee to let him know you are there for him.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
Oh, yeah, in grief work with people as a hospital chaplain, I can verify that some things are just plain hard. Having the non-anxious presence of a caring companion is what makes the difference.
LeoX3
LeoX3
OK, I now have to post yet *another* Arfie-ism on my Board of REminders...

B/c you're right. Whenever I look for easy, I am making it long-term worse...

Thanks, Arfie, and prayers and good thoughts for you and your beloved:-)
arfie
arfie
Since my beloved has been learning how to listen to my trauma sorting process instead of trying to fix me, he has heard me apply the phrase to myself many, many times. It has often kept me from running back to the blissful igNORance of the amnesia.

Context is everything. My own psycho-therapy and a spouse's grieving process are very different context. It seems to be helpful... I think... Maybe... Knowledge is hard to come by in emotional transitions.

Onward through the fog.
joneszy93
joneszy93
I've never thought of it like that, but you're right. We spend so much of the time fighting our emotions and everything else, that it would just better to let them happen.
DeliAnnem
DeliAnnem
I totally agree. I think a lot of my anxiety comes from denying myself the allowance to say, "Dang it, this would be difficult for anybody!"

It's not my flaws that make it a mess; it's a mess, plain and simple.

Hugs.
arfie
arfie
In my personal self-complications, some of my worst dilemmas come from my greatest strengths jumping their curbs and running amok. Great strengths can cause nightmares when used badly.
DoooOver
DoooOver
I couldn't agree more Arfie, some of my greatest strenghts (that I can acknowledge) can cause me more harm than good. Well said.
LoveAlice
LoveAlice
Well, it is hard. And I think he knows that it is hard. I believe that we have no choice but to let it be hard because regardless it is going to hurt. I don't know. I think if someone said that to me I would be more hurt because it sounds insensitive. That is just my thought though and I am a very sensitive person.
spacepony
spacepony
I like that. Funny, that reminds me what a friend used to say, "what one resists will persist." Hadn't thought of that for years.... Thanks.
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