I’m really questioning my diagnosis and myself as the reason for all the problems in my marriage. Before I left, I wholeheartedly believed and wrapped my mind around the fact that he was abusive - mostly psychologically, but also emotionally, sexually and though it’s hard to admit because it’s nothing in comparison to my past, also physically. It’s hard to call any of it abuse but I can see the actions were his choices, he knew they were wrong, and knew how they affected me because I told him. But now my journal entries have been focused on the question of did I perpetuate this? Did I do this to myself? I said I’d never get married. Then I met him and thought I’d improved significantly. I felt comfortable and safe with him. Is it him or me? Doesn’t matter. The relationship is over but knowing seems like it would help me. Despite anything any of you say, I’ll need to convince myself. I really hope this level of doubt is normal. I think I can conquer life regardless but knowing really seems like it would be helpful. I’d like to know what awful things I’m carrying. I do know some of them but the things he hated were irrelevant....the way I slept, the way I carried my keys, the routes I drove, the way I did chores. Those weren’t related to our relationship. He did call me sensitive, dramatic, crazy, say I overreacted but we never had a real conversation about issues. I feel like I’m doomed in all types of relationships because people don’t level with me. I’m unapproachable until people explode. That’s a thing. Part of it is that I’m clearly drawn to or I draw attractive people to me. But it feels like there has to be something in me that perpetuates things....