Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.

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Do You Ever Feel...

FilmGirl
FilmGirl

I have a question.


Do you ever feel like a prisoner to your PTSD? Sometimes you’re good at ignoring at and pretending you’re fine, but then you realize that it secretly dictates your every move?



Do you ever find yourself making new psychological discoveries about yourself? Like, you act like this because of your PTSD? Or you think like that because of it?



Do you ever feel uncomfortable in your own skin because of your PTSD? 



I don’t hope anyone else feels like this, but I also hope I’m not alone, because feeling alone and experiencing these things makes me feel a little crazy (I hate using that word).



I feel this way because my trauma was sexual abuse I experienced as a child. I was about 5 or 6 when it started. I don’t remember everything, there are lots of gaps in my memory but I know it did happen. And because it happened, it’s had a lasting effect on me. Growing up I detested everything feminine. It made me uncomfortable. Because subconsciously to me, feminine meant weak. So, I never wore girl clothes, I never liked the color pink, I started destroying my Barbies, while reading I would skip words like “her”, “she”, and “girl.” And, unfortunately, that discomfort has never gone away. All femininity makes me uncomfortable. And that’s very difficult being a cisgender heterosexual female. 



Anyway, enough about me. I just want to know if anyone else feels the same way. 

FilmGirl
FilmGirl
Arfie, Thank you for your advice. I'll definitely work on that. I also just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for your past experience, that sounds absolutely awful. But I am very glad that you've been able to take steps to allow yourself to heal. And, I wholeheartedly agree with you about gender distinction; humans are far more complicated than two set genders. Humans aren't machines to be categorized and labeled. Every individual has the right and the power to determine who and what they are. However, it seems like our general society is far behind that mentality. So many people still try to enforce gender roles on children and each other and it's aggravating. And I think that's where most of my anger comes from. Being a young girl growing up with those "traditional" oppressive gender roles and gender stereotypes, I didn't feel comfortable with what a "young lady" is supposed to do, or how she's supposed to dress, what she shouldn't say, etc. And I really think that might be my biggest issue. I have a problem with "traditional" femininity. Maybe. I don't know. But thank you for your post and your advice. It is greatly appreciated.

JAAKK, Your road to recovery is inspirational. That sounds like such a good way to heal, by helping others. That sounds like an avenue I might want to try. So thank you for sharing your story with me. I'm very happy for your recovery.

SunCloudJD, Thank you very much for the warm welcome. This was my first post and by reading all of the comments above, I can already tell that this is a phenomenal, supportive, and loving group of people and I already love all of you. So thank you for welcoming me and I look forward to being able to help the rest of the group as everyone above has been able to help me. Big hug.
fireflywing
fireflywing
TW: Absolutely. I was sexually abused as a child around when yours happened and that led me into situations that I didn’t want to be in such as rape later and issues with my sexual identity and wanting to harm myself because of my past for a long time. The weight of the PTSD and abuse was crushing. It has taken more years of work with healing than the abuse to begin to come out of it. I have mental illness on top of PTSD, so I at times feel as if it’s a daily fight.

Much healing, peace and support to you!