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DIY = Do It Yourself
A legitimate complaint which my father-in-law has about the arrangement between he and his son here on his investment property is that we are supposed to be maintaining the landscape around his party house to his Gated Community standards. We are not. In this instance, "we = me" is fair enough since my husband and I discussed in great detail, in advance, that I would be the one doing the maintenance. I always have been the landscaper of our marriage, and I am the one with the flexible schedule, so it still makes sense to me. Hubby was even able to wrangle a few concessions on chemical treatments to protect the bees and allow some bee food on the property.
This morning the riding lawn mower, weed whackers and power hedge trimmers all sit dysfunctional. I am still working steps to get past "The Engineering Puppet Show" which paralyzes me every time I approach "Manly Work." Landscaping and small engine repair are among the official job titles on my spotty resume, so maintaining Gated Community landscape standards has many, many players within "The Engineering Puppet Show." I am eternally grateful that gardening and wild herb scouting are "allowed" within "The Engineering Puppet Show."
Some of you may remember me talking about my heartbreak over the older brother who has been mercilessly profiled for the crime of having been a sexual abuse victim. He was my early companion in mechanical adventures. He was a mechanical genius. I hear rumors that he still is, despite the ravages of folding in on himself in the face of the non-stop profiling since the late 60s when he and I went together to get help. I got help, he got profiled. My heart cries to bring him down here to work with me setting up a decent farm mechanic shop.
Instead, my caped crusader urges are crowding my thoughts again with the collective streams of THEYisms. Since I am a woman, a Feminist Crusader is all I can be.... Don't wanna go there again...
Still sorting...
A legitimate complaint which my father-in-law has about the arrangement between he and his son here on his investment property is that we are supposed to be maintaining the landscape around his party house to his Gated Community standards. We are not. In this instance, "we = me" is fair enough since my husband and I discussed in great detail, in advance, that I would be the one doing the maintenance. I always have been the landscaper of our marriage, and I am the one with the flexible schedule, so it still makes sense to me. Hubby was even able to wrangle a few concessions on chemical treatments to protect the bees and allow some bee food on the property.
This morning the riding lawn mower, weed whackers and power hedge trimmers all sit dysfunctional. I am still working steps to get past "The Engineering Puppet Show" which paralyzes me every time I approach "Manly Work." Landscaping and small engine repair are among the official job titles on my spotty resume, so maintaining Gated Community landscape standards has many, many players within "The Engineering Puppet Show." I am eternally grateful that gardening and wild herb scouting are "allowed" within "The Engineering Puppet Show."
Some of you may remember me talking about my heartbreak over the older brother who has been mercilessly profiled for the crime of having been a sexual abuse victim. He was my early companion in mechanical adventures. He was a mechanical genius. I hear rumors that he still is, despite the ravages of folding in on himself in the face of the non-stop profiling since the late 60s when he and I went together to get help. I got help, he got profiled. My heart cries to bring him down here to work with me setting up a decent farm mechanic shop.
Instead, my caped crusader urges are crowding my thoughts again with the collective streams of THEYisms. Since I am a woman, a Feminist Crusader is all I can be.... Don't wanna go there again...
Still sorting...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
No idea if that's helpful or relevant, but... I'm a tomboy, a mech-friendly gal, and I love doing construction type work, but when it comes to small things? Frozen in the loop of "you suck".... Of unmet standards, tho' the standards were impossibly high.
Some days, that we function is our victory.
I think that shall be my motto for the rough days. thank you for reminding me that we all get stuck in our "roles" in our own heads sometimes. Happy sorting ladies :)
I quit my last construction job in 1995 because the SOB's wanted to promote me. I was still feeling overwhelmed by the political debates...
In my personal madness, "The Engineering Puppet Show" has a HUGE cast...
My dad was from a construction fam. Everyone is a trade---roofer, plumber, etc.---and so he sort of represents All The VOices of Doom. ON the plus side, I hire a home contractor for a job I can't do (b/c I can't these days---between the pain in my hip and the fact my foot occasionally goes numb, I just can't be trusted to not fall).... Anyway, oh do they run into the Voice of "I will see you do this right". There are a few local contractors who won't work for me. Others love to work for me, because they don't have to explain things ten times, and they know if they say "OK, this is an issue" I won't assume they're liying once I see it myself...
Sorry, all tangential, but it's how I take some good out of the Doom Club in my head--- I learned a *lot*.
BTW, soooo cool on gifted program---yay you!
Yep, some days, the victory is in the fact we function. Today? I have strangers in my home. Doing a contractor job I should be able to do myself but it involves balancing on stairs. No go for this little lioness, so... they're back tomorrow, and oh-joy, Friday, and .... I'm hiding in my bedroom. Where the soft music, puring cat, and toasting warm fleece blankets are.
Wow, I rambled, So sorry Arfie, no intent to hijack. Just stream of consciousness on how Dad's Voice o Doom ends up influencing my life....
My husband has no such qualms. I have tried unsuccessfully to appeal to his male ego with respect to technical capabilities (he has an engineering degree), self-sufficiency and physical strength. All to no avail - his ego is not invested in any of these things and he doesn't care. He will say he is weak if it means I'll get off his back about some physical task. I have discovered that he is not weak, but he doesn't care whether I know that or not. He is quite an exotic creature in my experience.
American men pride themselves on certain capabilities, which are considered masculine. Femininity, by contrast, is shameful. Anyone who cannot perform the masculine tasks must be shamed in order to highlight the proud masculinity of those who are more able.
Only weak men feel the need to shame and belittle others. This whole post has made me realize how much I have bought in to the whole crap load of b.s. around this. I am going to try to fix my thinking, not only my shame but my false pride, and renounce this whole "puppet show" if that's the right term.
Thank you for the story, donna. Not easy stuff to get past. Glad I married a poet instead of an engineer. Proof that I am smarter than my husband? He married an engineer...
I did get myself out to the garage, but ended up doing more lady approved stuff. Vacuuming. Sweeping. Organizing.
As for this landscaping up to the standards of a Gated Community, I understand it and see how you agreed to take on the chores related to that. Still, I have to admit that "Gated Community" standards aren't my cup of tea in general. So I'm not as great a support to you about his as I should be. It says more about me than it does about folks who can afford to live in them that I get a hit of elitism from them that doesn't sit well with me. And that's not fair, I know.
The thing to me is that the bees don't care about the gates of the community either way, you know?
Still... a deal is a deal. This is NOT a family farm. It is the father-in-law's investment property and respecting those standards is part of the deal. Additionally, the invading Johnson grass is getting a bit intense, even for the me and the bees. Johnson grass squeezes out just about everything and is better horse and cattle food than bee food.
Then I got a perimeter fence and a few months later, well gosh, my rescue pony mule wound up in the yard. He was a FANTASTIC gardener. The lawn was always nice and short, and well fertilized. The blackberries were kept at bay, and the place looked great. Now I did worry about the neighbors not liking the sound of his loud bray, but it turned out he was loved by all! Or at least when he bothered to stay in MY yard. He was not so welcome in my neighbor's yards.
Eventually I found out that I had a poisonous plant that grows in my yard that was making him sick, so as much as I loved him, I found him a better home.
Within a year the blackberries had climbed the fence, covered the 20 feet to the deck, and gone up and reached the house!!!! My lawn care soon fell to two baby goats who I would tether out to eat the blackberries... and my trees... sigh. They killed every decorative tree on the place.
As I no longer have a perimeter fence thanks to a couple downed trees, and my daughter was moving out I gave away my goats last winter... my lawn is currently 7 feet tall in grass and the blackberries are almost to the house again!!!!
When we move, hubby has promised I can get a new donkey or mule for my lawn care!
As for DIY, the current plan is once we are away from this place, hubby and I will stage to a motorhome while we build our own home. We have a lot of skills to learn. Neither of us are mechanically inclined. He does IT and I am an Environmental Scientist.
no idea my point if any. just support for the bee charmer:-)
I muself loathe our idiot HOA front lawn rules. i can only imagine gated Community standards. I am surprised they have not invented Ooompah Loompahs for the specific purpose at one I know of here. they even specify mulch colors!
They are also outrageously cute.
Sigh...
Back to the machine repair and the reminder that this investment property is not a farm.