This would be a case where getting disability would be good...however, if you can sew on a pro level, maybe you could work altering clothes in a shop?

Not that I begrudge an ill person disability, but being on it sucks, it pays too little, people treat you like crap...if there's a way to avoid it, I advise that.

I take my pills all at once at night. This isn't the recommended way, but it gets them all taken more consistently than the way I am supposed to take them.

Look into grounding techniques.

Write everything down.

I was just learning to sew. I was advised not to put myself in a stressful situation after the episode that got me hospitalized and diagnosed started at work. I don't know all my triggers, I keep thinking "You're a grown ass woman, go get a job and do it" but then I get anxious and this whole year has been a huge setback. Its like I'm at square one yet again. I feel like if I even tried disability I'm taking from people who are physically disabled.

The brain is an organ too, it gets physically damaged through child abuse.
Function changes-in a bad way.

I started being a security guard because it's low, low, LOW stress. Boring as hell, even.

You just took a step I believe was/is critical to my own sorting through the emotional chaos. Writing it out and sharing about it goes a real long way in helping me blow off the chaff and get to the grain. Each time I take this step, I simply sit with it for a while. When I am ready for the next step, it is a clear and steady beacon in the fog.

Healing is an inside job. Others can help -and indeed it is wise to accept help- but the healing is up to the wounded soul. Please be gentle with yourself and patient with the process. You are hurt, not stupid. Nor are you alone. Please lean freely here. The strengthening of one strengthens us all.

I'm not an expert in this, but some ideas to explore:

1) Know you are NOT alone. There are a LOT of women in the same boat and a LOT of people who want to HELP. It's just a matter of finding the right people.

2) Look into Medicare/caid and call free clinics in your area to ask for their advice on how to get your medication. If you're depressed, you might also look at asking a free clinic for a vitamin d, folate and B12 blood or cheek swab test. If those vitamins are off, they could be creating a lot of your problems - or at least contributing to them. It's a cheap fix. If you've had a miscarriage and/or irritable bowel and/or depression, it's a good indication you could be having trouble processing folic acid and may have the MTHFR gene mutation (easily fixed with the right sort of folate).

3) Look for alternative healers who will help you for free. Ask if they're taking probono appointments.

4) Contact Legal Aid in your area. They help people for free. If they can't help you, ask if they have other ideas to help you. If they don't, ask to speak with someone else.

5) Contact local women's shelters and explain your situation. Ask them for advice, tips, ideas. If you get someone who says they can't help you, ask to speak with someone else or call the next shelter.

6) Apply for disability - speak with Legal Aid to get this through because often, people apply on their own and wait weeks to hear "no." May as well start with a strong case.

7) Realize that you should get some alimony. Especially if you've been married more than 10 years and you're disabled. Speak with legal aid but do a lot of your own research. Put together what you need and ask for that from your ex. If he's working and you're not, he will likely need to pay for your attorney. But do your own homework and trust your instincts.

8) Do ANY sort of work. It'll help you feel better. Volunteer. Do freelance writing. Stuff envelopes. Etc.

I have been through this and I was terrified. Just some basic information turned everything around for me.

Remember that there is a LOT of help out there. Reach out and ask. If you hear "no" reach out to someone else.

You CAN do this and I promise things will get better. Everyone I know going through a divorce feels the same. Once it's over, they feel an enormous sense of freedom and often feel much healthier.

Thank you everyone. You really helped me. I had to get up and wake up my boyfriend to talk last night to get sleep

i have had alot of trauma in my life , no preach here but some form of spirituality will help and that can be meditation a cheap meditation take and take 15 minutes to slow down and breathe it will reduce stress,, also ,,,, make lists and that will help you be able to see what you accomplished , i am rooting for you , NO you are not alone this forujm is full of folks who care and want to support you, best to you,, NEVER give up he sounds like someone you can do without

Thank you. I will definitely try that!